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Can't Seem To Get Over My Exwife

It was like a roller-coaster ride in 2006 meeting my ex-wife when I moved out of town. She was everything I
looked for in a woman and I just had to have her. A year later we were married and had our own home and a child
on the way. Then in 2009 things just came crashing down on me, finding out that my ex-wife no longer loved me. 
I was devastated. We got divorced and I just lost it. Just the thought of not being able to be with the love of my
life just made me crumble all to pieces. Some say it was a fast move, but I can describe everything in perfect clarity,
she was my everything, still feels like my everything.

Most stories on here only describe a few months gone by after a divorce where they miss their ex, but it's about gone on 
two years for me. I've tried everything in the book to forget about her. I've tried hobbies, throwing myself into work, even meeting
up with different women to try to form new relationships. It just won't let me be and it breaks my heart every time I think about
how she's doing. I can't keep stable, feel completely unwanted, and get the impulse just to drive on the interstate and just
get out of dodge for awhile....tried that as well and it didn't work. I ended up traveling up and down the east coast three times
before I'm back where I started. I don't know what to do or where to go from here. I'm just completely unhappy with my life and unable
to cope with almost anything anymore. 

So what do you do? What steps do you take when all else fails. I love my ex-wife and I probably always will.

Thank you if you read my story. It's just taken a long tole on me, already thinking of moving yet again. Thankfully I stopped myself from moving and having to start over looking for work yet again.
tiredhris tiredhris 26-30 61 Responses Jul 16, 2011

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It's funny, everyone says to "get over it" or to "find someone else". That's nonsense. After being together for over 20 years, it's not that easy. I'm glad I found this. Everyone seems to think men cope so much better. Bullshit! I cry several times a day every single day. I miss her and that's prbably not going to change. I have no desire to meet anyone. Everything reminds me of my wife. I can't listen to music, seldom watch tv, don't go anywhere, can't go anywhere different because I wish she was there to see it, like it's always been. I spend my evenings praying to God that 'll get a terminal illness or die a sudden death. I can barely function. I keep it together at work for the most part. Killing myself isn't even an option, not a cry for help. I have a son who is pretty much oblivious to everything. Thank God 13 year old boys still have mushy brains. Anyway, I'm glad I saw this and I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I hope one day I can snap out of this funk and start living. I'm extremely sentimental and really don't expect that to happen. Until then, I will wait and do nothing to try and help myself because I really have no desire to do anything.

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hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify also. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him and this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com of a truth he really helps again his email his prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com

I know your pain all to well, I was married to my amazing wife for 17 years. I haven't talk, txt or saw her in 5 months, since divorce date. Been out of the house for 10 months. I loved her every single day of our marriage and still do. My tears have been my food day n night. I only live 5 city blocks from her & my daughter. I feel that this loneliness will ultimately kill me. I'm a good looking & in great shape man but have no desire to find another women, and I also now because of this ultimate rejection from the most important person I ever knew Now I have the lowest self esteem. I want my wife back!!!! I miss her every second of everyday. She just fell out of love with me.

hello everyone this really worked and i am proud to testify also. i saw a post on how a lady got her husband back and i decided to try this prophet that helped her because my relationship was crashing. although i never believed in spiritual work i reluctantly tried him and this prophet helped me and my relationship is now perfect just as he promised my husband now treats me like a queen even when he had told me before he doesn't love me anymore. well, i can not say much but if you are passing through difficulties in your relationship try him here is his email prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com of a truth he really helps again his email his prophet.briancarn@yahoo.com

I saw this post pretty late, looks like this is from 2011. However i felt compelled to say something, I am going through a really tough situation, I married a woman (August 2014) from Switzerland, a girl I thought was "the one" I loved her so much and still do. I sacrificed all of my things, my car, my job, my entire life here in the US to move in with her and start a new life together. I thought she wanted the same things. I remember telling her before we married that if she didn't want to do this, we could wait a while longer. But she assured me that marriage was what she wanted so we could be together. Then just after xmas 2014, she acted funny. Something always seemed to be on her mind but she would never ever tell me, she would blow it off. Then after xmas i told her we need to talk because I felt something was wrong, she finally admitted to me that she didn't want this marriage, she felt it was too soon, that she has no love for me, but only love as a friend.. i was shocked and heartbroken. It's been a month since after the separation, I had to leave on new years, she barely speaks to me on the phone, she won't tell me what made her change her mind. She refuses to give me any answers to any questions. I feel lost and I feel so sad and intense anger for her. I came back to the US and now i have start all over with no job, no money, no car, no property.. no home. Nothing... I had to come back and live in with parents. I don't know how I am going to get through this. I've been taking courses online, Ive been looking for jobs I know i can get to by walking or by public transportation, but I still have her on my mind. I decided to stop contacting her for good. No more texting and calling to nag her for information. but still I am so angry and sad. I feel like I'll never get over this sad feeling I have. But I am trying to move on, i am making steps to do it. I just feel betrayed and lied to. as far as i know she isn't with another man, but I still feel like I did so much and go nothing in return. no love back, which was all I wanted.. it was nice to view your story, It felt good to know I am not alone. I don't know if since then you have finally moved on from her. But if you have, maybe you can give some advice? I hope you see this message. Anyway, take care and good luck with things.

It's more of a day to day basis. You know? Good :)
If a relationship were to suddenly drop into my lap, I'd be cautious, but I'd still give it a go if I thought we were compatible. That's where I'm at now. The ugly reality though is that it's taken forever for me to bounce back from what I had. I'm doing ok for the moment, doing work and putting what I don't pay in bills in the bank for when I finally decide what I want to do. That's the main part. I've finally reached my goal of the amount I wanted to save up in order to move back to be near my kids, going from my story, but I'm still putting more back so when the time comes I'll be able to stay on the right side of town and be happy instead of being in a run down section I know I could afford, and be around people I'd rather not associate with. Not hard on their luck like us type people. The bottom of the barrel is what I'm avoiding.

You're going to be angry and sad. It's not "just going to go away" in a short time period. Hell, I still get it from time to time, but I've experienced it enough to know it for what it is, and know I did everything I possibly could to stay together. Some things just don't work. Talk with others on here about how you feel. Also, don't just stick with one social medium if that isn't enough. Go to the others. Facebook, Mocospace, Reddit, or even find a group nearby or someone that's willing to just listen to you (just don't make it a close friend, because what you want is a whiteboard for ideas, not a friend that gets tired of what we're dealing with and avoiding you). Men just don't have the same emotional support that women do, so we can't just go to our friends like they do to constantly get support. Do positive things for yourself. Hobbies. Things you enjoy. This is all about you now. You're single with no commitments. It's a blank slate just waiting for you to write on it! :)

Dunno if that helps. I do try to get on here when I see a response in my email. I was really upset back when I first found experienceproject and hope that you can find your coping mechanism that works for you until you can get past the worst of the hurting.

I came here because I was sitting here dwelling on my ex and I was looking for ideas to help resolve it.... I've been through this before, so I don't know why I'm having such a hard time... She treated me awful - no respect, talking down to me often, and just generally, it wasn't good... Seems about like your situation. I was only 2000 miles from "home" and it was seven years by the time our divorce was final. I filed... Many details, but I will say, I don't believe in divorce. That is how badly she treated me...

My advise? Realize that you did everything that you could... Fact is, some people are just un-please-able... My relationship was long distance too - she moved here first, then a year later, I moved to where she lived. I'm going to stay away from that because you can't see how they live or get to know them very well by just visiting. I recommend that to you as well... Move on... When you are ready to be with someone again, move slowly with her in every way... It's all I can say... I wish you well.

It's been 5 years since me and my exwife split up and I can't let her go, like you tried everything, moved out of town, had other relationships. I recently moved back and financial circumstances lead her to let me move back in with her and my kids. I sleep on the couch and she said that while she has feelings for me, she doesn't want a relationship, she's happy how things are. I thought I could handle it, but it's destroying me being under the same roof, interacting with her and not having her lover me. I don't know what to do...

I'd get an apartment. Find somplace nearby to where you can see your kids every chance you get. Trust me. Moving out of town again would make it difficult to see them, as I'm still having this problem. The woman you loved? She no longer exists. Someone with the same looks and actions, who shares kids with you. At least that's how I think of my ex now.

Then there's the other option. Be observant. Watch your surroundings and learn from it. If she's having trouble with something, don't ask, just do it. Hectic schedule and no time to clean the house? Just do it. Don't tell her you did it to be nice. Don't expect a response. Do it because you know how tired she gets when busy. You don't have to cook for her, but you could "accidently" make too much and put leftovers in the fridge (storage containers). Other than being a team player, keeping the house running while there. Just be yourself, the true you. Not the panzy wanting her back. We're men that take action. We do what we enjoy and make the most of what we've got.

Begging doesn't work. No one likes a beggar. She didn't date you for starting off as one and it won't change things now. If your there for awhile like how I mentioned, being happy and enjoying life, trying to make the most of the cards your dealt, then I'd still say move out.

"You got to know when to hold em. Know when to fold em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run..."

I completely know your pain my friend ...just came home today from seeing her as I drop my son off to her for the holidays and again in summer so I see her about 6 to 8 times a year she lives 6 hrs away ....for me we've been divorced for 10 years but we're still great friends I'm with someone now who I love but not in love with cause Im still I'm in love with my ex .we have 2 wonderful children together one lives with me and other with her girl and boy ...if you ever figure out how to get through it please let me know ....good luck sir and all the best

I have a very similar story. I worked very hard after university to establish a quality of life for my wife and I until I felt 'ready' to have a child. The problem was, by the time I was ready she had been having an ongoing affair and left me for the other guy. I was devastated and I still am because I very much love my wife. I know it is unfair but I have begun a relationship with someone new just to try to get over her. So far it hasn't worked and I spend every day wishing I could have my wife back. I am very afraid that I 'll spend the rest of my wife wishing I could be with her again.

Thats almost exactly my story except we were married longer and had our first son die and almost our second. But it has been two years apart now and i feel like i love her even more now. And she still rejects me.

That's exactly what I am going through, she divorced me and now wants to be friends and I have so much hate for her, and still miss her daily ..

I know your story is old, but it came up while I was Googling my situation. My wife left me in June, just finalized the divorce two weeks ago. I was doing well, no contact for months prior to the hearing. When I saw her at the hearing, we had lunch after and it was amazing. Old feelings came back(for me anyway), it was like we first met, we talked, laughed, had a fantastic time. Now I can't stop thinking about her. Why I married her. How beautiful she is. Our marriage became toxic from many things the two worst were money and communication.

I honestly don't know what to do. I hooked up with two different women out of sheer loneliness and I felt like **** after.

I am doing all I can to keep it together and not breakdown.

I am completely alone with my thoughts. She barely says anything to me.

Anyway, I can relate to your story. I hope you've since resolved your issues. =)

Best of luck to you.

Look away dawg,, shes takened now

I do not know about any of you, but personally I am tired of people dismissing this and saying I will move on and find someone better for me. And I am sick of being met with pitiful glances just because I am a man.

Of course I can find someone with whom I would have an easier life. but that is besides the point. Those people have no idea how real love works. It is not a simple mechanism you can shut off, it does not exist simply because it is convenient or even because it is remotely useful. It exists because of hormones, neurotransmitters, experience and circumstance. And once it is, it forever leaves you changed beyond recognition.

I am sorry for everyone's loss and I am sick to my soul in the same way all of you are. In spite of the intense emotional abuse I suffered and my own grave mistakes in the relationship... she was, is and always will be my deepest love.

I know this post is old but I ha e to also say your story is just like mine but we met in 2005 got married in 2009 and divorced in 2012. I miss her so much she cut all ties with me so it seems like she let go but I can't she was my everything and only thing. Everything that I always wanted to do I did for her and now that we are not together I have started school and work all the time I have one day off a week and it still doesn't help I do not know what to do I miss her so much even though I know that I could never get her back . Everything I do and some people I see just remind me of her I don't know if you got over it and if you did I would love to know how. I have only been on two dates since the divorce and it is not a matter of trying it is just I haven't been able to pick up woman like I used too. I even went on a dating website no hits on there either if someone could help me that would be nice.

My heart goes out to you. I am in more or less the same shape as you. I'm not a bad looking guy, I'm pretty smart and creative, I'm not poor, etc. But I just do not want anyone else, not really. And that is something women pick up on. There will be some out there who will want to be with you to heal your broken hear. But you'll be project to them most likely.

Bless your heart. I understand, totally. I was married 28 yrs to the love of my life, and I was the one who filed and left. However, it was not my choice to do so. Ive been gone over a year and divorced 10 mos. I have someone in my life that I am content with but its not the same. The evening shadows fall and its more than haunting.Theres a ripping away, a death, a loss, a chasm and an abyss. I am estranged from my adult girls and miss them terribly. I mourn what could have been and wasnt. Thank goodness I am with someone who understands and dries away the tears. He wipes away the pain of those "lost" memories that never were. He cares about the fact that I totally loved and gave myself to someone who couldnt not wouldnt but couldnt love me the way I loved him. I miss my ex husband coming home from work and me having dinner ready and us eating together. I miss Friday night date nights, I miss taking walks and getting biscuits in the morning with our puppies. I miss the smell of his cologne when he would leave for work and kiss me and it would linger until mid morning. During our divorce, I lost my Mother. The grief and pain have been so immobilizing, I can literally feel my heart breaking. They say time makes it more palatable. I am quite sure that those who say that mean well, but experiencing this is beyond any pain any one could imagine. My advice to you would be this, Honor your grief. Do not skip opportunities for growth and acceptance. Learn from this, be grateful for the chance you had to love and give love. Celebrate life today in small ways: a cup of coffee, a journal entry, a walk in nature, a song. Most of all, learn to fall in love again with the person who counts.....you! You are a beautiful,bright and caring person. When you begin to love yourself enough to believe that there will be enough love left to share!

Wow...your story is just like mine, which is probably why I had to read more than once. And "Yes" I miss her so much..that it seems like a never-ending cycle. Even after 2 yrs that we have been divorced..it's hard to get right, like I was when we where together. I was so sure of things..now I have no clue how to get to the place..that I was once at..happiness left..2 yrs ago...and yeah..I will always love her...she was the one..thanks for listening

Have you visited EXaholics.com? It's a great resource for trying to work past divorce. Good luck. http://www.exaholics.com/2014/01/24/how-to-recover-from-a-break-up-part-1-validation-2/

Wow this sounds just like me! I'm not sure of anything anymore or what I am going to do with my life. I miss my ex-wife so much!

My love for her never really went away, just the emotional aspect. It's completely changed my Outlook on women and harder to find the right one for sure, but it's because I've changed since then. I no longer care about money problems, I just work through the bills I have and rid of the unnecessary ones. So no dreams of a white picket fence, though I might be tempted later on as long as I'm the one building it. More letdowns since then from women I've met, but know I'm weeding out the ones that wouldn't work out allot faster than in the past. I'm my own man, make my own decisions, and finding the right woman to share the journey will be all the sweeter for taking my time looking for the right one. Work. Treat yourself to out of the way restaurants. Waffle house kept me company instead of alone at 3 in the morning lol. Expand tastes on music, literature, movies, social sites online. Set your standards high, and always know you are far more worth than people think you are. I took a low wage job willingly for the first shift hours doing car maintenance. Not much money, but love working on cars and I keep learning something every week at least lol. Have a toolbox full of tools that keeps growing and better at doing more cars faster than when I started with just owning a few wrenches and an air guage. Im always moving forward man. Not stopping to look back at what cant be changed. Just do what interests you, have fun with ot, and learn from the process. So much to say but not enough time to do so. That time will be spent sleeping then getting up to eat with the others at the local pub. Lot of interesting stories from the older folks. Lmfao

I understand how you feel and i am so sorry on behalf of your ex wife. because i was cheating my ex husband too but because of he is too much depending with his family and ignoring me. Long story short..we divorse for about two year already now.. and i believe she still love you but in other way. My advice is always praying for your self and love yourself more then ever... God always there to comfort you...Believe me...I will always love my ex husband for the rest of my life.

Ex Mrs Lai

Have you visited Exaholics.com? I found that community really helpful. Was great to have a safe place to talk to people who really get it.

A big thanks to DR atakuma, who brought back
my
ex girlfriend. My name is samson Benard, from
Canada. Last year, August
26th 2012, I proposed to my
ex girlfriend and she agreed to marry me then we both planned for the wedding. Our wedding was
to hold September
30th. We had a little
misunderstanding and she left me for another
guy. I almost committed
suicide; I never knew there was hope for me, a friend of mine would always advise me to be
hopeful and that one day she will
come back to me, Some
times I will go to her house to ask for forgiveness
to come back to me because she
really means a lot to me and I love her so much and she will ask me to leave her alone and I
should never come to her
house again. I found it
really hard to fall in love with another girl, months
passes by and I was
waiting patiently for her to come back to me but in my heart I was still going through hell, there
was a big hole in my
heart.
* *One morning I received a call from my friend
and he told me to come to
his house immediately, I quickly put on my clothes and ran to his house because I felt he was in
trouble, when I got to he’s
house, I met him on
his computer system and I ask him what the
problem was, he said when he was
browsing through the internet, he came across some testimonies on how a spell caster brought
someone’s ex husband back.
I was angry with him
because he frightened me and now he’s telling
about spell caster. I told
him to forget about the matter because I never believed in spell casters, he asked me if I really
want my ex girlfriend to
come back to me and I said
yes so he said I should give it a try because if you
really need something
that is very important to your life, then you go for it. I agreed to what he said and I took the spell
casters email address
and I emailed him, few
minutes later he replied me and asked what can
he do for me so I told him
what I wanted and he asked me to do what ever he asked of me which I did. He told me not to
worry that my ex girlfriend will
come back crawling on
her kneels asking for forgiveness as soon as he
cast the spell so he cast
the spell and the following day my ex girlfriend came back to me, right now I and my girlfriend
are happy. This is the reason I
decided to put it in
writing so that anybody that is hopeless will find
the reason to be
hopeful. If you are in the same situation, DR atakuma is the right spell caster that will solve
your problem, You can email
him
on: atakumaoracle@gmail.com. try and
see what he can do

Hello I am Joy Micheal ,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to DR GREAT OSOBA the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to DR GREAT OSOBA about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR GREAT OSOBA at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: greatosobaspelltemple@gmail.com. and get your problems solve like me..... ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: greatosobaspelltemple@gmail.com

Man, I am struggling as well, met my wife in college and knew instantly she was the one, dropped everything for her got married a 1 1/2 yrs later, been married 18 years now. I will admit I have alot of the blame for the upcoming divorce, I am a recovering gambling addict and she stuck with me through that, had an affair during the 5 years of my gambling addiction crisis, she stayed with me there, all the financial ruin she stuck through. Have to beautiful teenagers, but she's done, I have told my last lie, she grew up, I did not. We have been separated for 2 months and let me tell you that in those 2 months I grew up super fast..being alone away from your family is a killer. We had a business that was failing and I lied to try to hide the economic struggles we were having, until bam they caught up to us. She couldnt handle anymore lies...I understand her justification for separation and divorce. I'm trying to win her back, but I think her heart is still in protected mode. Trying to give space and not obsess about where she is and what she is doing me in very difficult. We are living 45 minutes away from each other, so when I am at work it is easy, but the weekends with the kids and not her are brutal, I am a very controlling person, and am trying to end that...any ideas?

Yeah its awful guys.

Recently broke up a month ago after 5 years. We have a son together too.

We fought a lot. She had control issues but she never accepted she was to blame at all. Never admitted fault. It was all my fault according to her, and her family back her and blame me. None of them no the truth, but families stick together.

We'd fight and she go over the top. She'd start a fight about being 10 mins late and then like normal people do you make up in an hour she'd be like "i never wanna see you again, i'll call the police your harrassing me". Absolutely over the top.

Her sister never wanted us together. We had a stupid fight over nothing and i took her bike until she gave me what i wanted. I had stuff at her house she wouldnt' give me. We broke up over that and after she told her sister we were through. No chance. Im evil and nasty to them all and the worst person on earth.

She was married to a guy before me and had 2 girls. He cheated on her non stop and she still to this day has a bizarre relationship with them that she just says "is for the good of my girls". I never cheated on her and was loyal till the end...yet im the bad guy. I'm a personal trainer. I coulda cheated with over 100 hot girls. Yet i'm a loyal, loving guy and never cheated at all.

Anyway toward the end it got nasty. I thought she may have cheated so stuck my iphone in her car. She went to the police and i was arrested. She told them awful stuff that i was stalking her and harrassing her. Dude! we were on/off in a relationship, just arguing and i wanted to know if she was cheating. Every partner has a right to know that. I never hit, fought, attacked her. Yet when i go over to see her to ask or work out whats going on...she cries harrassment.

I couldn't even see my son after i was arrested. Strange stupid laws in australia put the entire family on the restraining order at first. Had to go to court to get him taken off it. So hard after seeing my son everyday of his life. We have a special bond, more so than my ex and him. I'm certain as he gets older he'd choose to live with me over her.

She played the "ill hurt you through our son" trick for a month before going to court and letting me see him. She also said she's "thinking about dropping the charges but leaving the restraining order on her also. Her bizarre behaviour continues. She had a choice not to see me at all. Yet she wants to meet at the front of the police station for handovers. My lawyer says its strange too. She hates me so much though that at our first handover for our son today...she wouldn't even look at me. Were not meant to talk at all.

Jus so hard going from your best mate in your life 24/7 to not having them around in the blink of an eye. We did everything together and shared a life and a son.

Ive had bizarre fluctuations in emotions.

At first i was devasted, the end of the world and my life. Got really dark and awful. I was so low and needed help. You can't eat or sleep. You finally sleep and have nightmares you have broken up , then you wake up and realise its all true.

Hard part was she loved me so much and hates me so much now. She can't even talk to me she's so angry. Despises me. I can't even talk to her to tell her she's wrong. I didn't do anything i just wanted to find out what was going on and if she was cheating. Once she involved her family...that was the end. They will disown her if she goes back with me. She uses the anger as a excuse to break up and said "she wants to be a role model to her girls".

Its only been a month but ill remember and love her the rest of my life. Wish i had just one more chance. All the speical things we did together are the hardest losing. Going places without her etc.

I get sick imagining her having sex with other guys. Ive had sex with girls since. Ive tried to forget her that way. It doesn't work. You feel good only till the next day.

A few things ive noticed:

It helps to talk about it. Places like this.

I tried to get someone to take away my loneliness. Too soon. I must have looked desperate and it backfired...twice lol

The best revenge is to have a good life. Get a goal then a plan then do it. That helps.

Try to make money. It helps a lot if your making money and busy.

Being a Pt i'm relatively fit and id consider myself good looking. This weekend i went out on few dates from a dating website. It's a crap shoot though. Last night i met 2 girls who were crazy about me. That got my confidence back and i felt great.

Today i saw my ex to get my son and she refused to look at me. She was all done up and looked gorgeous at 9am lol I felt sad and lonely and my date tonight was a disaster. Straight away i wanted to cry and thought about my old life and what i had lost.

Its an emotional rollercoaster.

They say you shouldn't... They Say a lot. Truthfully I Say to you, Do not underestimate the power of good old fashion hate. The fist 8 or so years it gave me a reason to get out of bed very morning. I have been divorced from her for 15 years and remarried to a wonderful woman now for 8. I still think and dream of my first wife today, but am a whole lot less angry than I was. Today I don't "Hate" her But for a long time... well it did force me to better myself out of spite to have a better life than her and I planned. :-) and when those old feelings begin to creep back, I Cloak my self in hatred towards her and in a few days I actually forget about it and begin to re appreciate the life and wife I have now.

I was married for 25 years, dated for 5 years prior to us getting married. During this 30 year period of time my ex was so consumed with his rights that he rarely noticed any needs the rest our our family had. He walked out on me 7 times to manipulate me and to demand his "rights" be met. At our 23 marriage year mark I had had enough and started treating him as he treated me. This escalated into divorce, him filing, he couldn't take the crap he was dishing out. Since our divorce he has wanted to get back together and is full of sugarie talk. He is in incredible debt and just needs relief by coming back as he did the previous 7 times. His sugarie talk means nothing to me, it sickens me because I have bought it 7 prior times and he thinks he can hood wink me yet again - no dice. So ... the reply where the man discusses being patient, being nice, working on yourself to improve yourself, versus blow more BS (how you say you have changed yet truly haven't) is the only thing that is going to melt your ex's heart. And, any women over the age of 30 knows your BS so if your ex doesn't take you back it is in your best interest to truly figure out why things went bad to begin with, own your part and work on the things to truly fix YOU. Contrary to what some of you men think, we are not you, we don't get into that crap about wanting what we don't have - we are looking for a person who is a good partner with integrity and maybe we didn't recognize the red flags when we were 20 but boy oh boy we see them at 30 and run the other way. So the Mr. Smartie pants on here discussing play hard to get, while you don't want to do the fake surgerie talk you definitely want to show any woman you are a man of caliber and what you say is not just blowing smoke up a woman's a** - that worked when we were 20 but it doesn't work beyond 30 unless of course you find yourself with a desperate woman - so if you are blowing BS and she knows it and still wants you, you get what you deserve. While I did love my ex for many, many years to a depth that can not be explained, I no longer love a person who truly does not love me (he thinks he does but his actions truly speak otherwise). Going 4 years post divorce, some days I am sad but is mainly about the thought of what I have done to my offspring and what I THINK I am missing out on which is love. But, I just have to remember our past and it is easy to see he did not love me despite his BS speak (words mean nothing) as love actions were never there so the sadness is more about what I THINK love should be not what I lived. Happily divorced.

I hear a lot about actions speaking louder than words and I wonder who keeps track of the good and the bad? I always tried to look at the positive in my relationship, but now see she always looked at the bad. I think a marriage is what that person puts into it. If someone is happy in their marriage, it is because they want to be. If someone is not satisfied, it is because they let themselves. I will explain. If a husband misses his wife and says he loves her. He does. Words aren't always empty. If all you think you are hearing is lies and deceit, that is all you WILL hear. People do change, but it takes time. Most people who do the leaving tend to feel negatively about it for longer than those they leave (article I read I will have to look at the site to source it). Things can get bad in a relationship, ask my grandmother, she was married 64 years. However, she said no matter how bad things could get, she knew together they would make it through. I love and miss my wife every day. Things we could have done better are clear now. I could have listened better, and she could have told me what was wrong sooner. Sometimes we assume others can read our minds, and it would be better if they could to be honest. Once trust is lost, it is almost impossible to get back. The fact that someone tries is a testament to actions speaking to what they want. If a man tries to sweet talk you he wants you back. Regret is a part of life, it lets us know when we made a mistake. Most people think healthy skeptacism is important in a relationship, but honestly, it probably kills more relationships because we reflect our own intentions and actions onto the other person! Once it is done, most people look to the other person for blame, but sometimes it only takes some deep self reflection to understand who is to blame. For me, I am to blame. She left though and there isn't anything I wouldn't have done to fix the damage I caused. Relationships are two people, and I can honestly say we messed things up good. But if she ever wants to come back, I am OK with a better plan so there is balance and harmony.

Read your story and have to agree also with various comments that have been left.

Its not fair to get into a new relationship or even worse , marry someone new until you are truly over your ex.
The person in your life doesn't deserve that and it will only make you suffer more too inside with even more mixed up emotions.

Its true you must move on, but that is easier said than done.

Councilling may help but I feel talking to friends is worse because you only hear what you want to hear from them.

I wish you luck and also I have been through all this and still not out of it yet.

Hello I am Joy Micheal ,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to DR GREAT OSOBA the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to DR GREAT OSOBA about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR GREAT OSOBA at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: greatosobaspelltemple@gmail. com. and get your problems solve like me..... ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: greatosobaspelltemple@gmail. com

Hello I am Joy Micheal ,I am out here to spreed this good news to the entire world on how I got my ex lover back.I was going crazy when my love left me for another girl last month, But when i meet a friend that introduce me to DR GREAT OSOBA the great messenger to the oracle that he serve,I narrated my problem to DR GREAT OSOBA about how my ex love left me and also how i needed to get a job in a very big company.He only said to me that i have come to the right place were i will be getting my heart desire without any side effect.He told me what i need to do,After it was been done,In the next 2 days,My love called me on the phone and was saying sorry for living me before now and also in the next one week after my love called me to be pleading for forgiveness,I was called for interview in my desired company were i needed to work as the managing director..I am so happy and overwhelmed that i have to tell this to the entire world to contact DR GREAT OSOBA at the following email address and get all your problem solve..No problem is too big for him to solve..Contact him direct on: greatosobaspelltemple@gmail. com. and get your problems solve like me..... ONCE AGAIN HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: greatosobaspelltemple@gmail. com

I am going through the same situation only papers have yet to be filed and she has a boyfriend already after only 4 months of seperation it kills me everyday we also have 3 children together so I have to see her alot which does not help I dont know how to get over her

Feel ya man, was married for 8 years and I instigated a divorce and now am living to regret it. I think us guys take a lot for granted with women, I was confused and thought 8 years of fire and water was enough, come to found out I couldn't live without it. I hope all of us find the right person, maybe she wasn't and there is another one out there for me. Dating has been a side by side comparison and I always thought about Carla during sex or going to places we frequented with the other woman and it messed my head up. I haven't dated much since I dated the last 2 women after the divorce, none are in the same league and I cannot shake the stomach ache I get every time I pursue a relationship. Not sure what my future holds, I love her and always will-will always miss the nature walks and the warm glow we both emitted while together.

It has been three years for me, but it seems like it was just yesterday that I held her in my arms and told her I loved her. One minute we were supposed to go to dinner, the next minute we're arguing, then she tells me she wants a divorce, and that was it. Three years later I'm married to a woman I never wanted because I couldn't keep it in my pants. The shining light, the diamond, out of all of this is my precious baby boy. I stay with a woman I don't love, while constantly thinking about the woman I probably will always love, and I do this for the greatest love of them all which is for my child. I'm a miserable human being, but I know in my heart that God had and has a special plan and that was for my boy to be brought into this earth.

I know this is an older post but I felt compelled to reply. Your story has reached down to the pit of my stomach and ripped it right out of my body. You see I am the new wife in your story. I know what it feels like to be married a man who still deeply love his first wife. I didn\'t know this until well after we were married, but boy do I know it now. I just wish men who obsessed over their first wives\' would be fair to other women and not get involved. The new woman goes through just as much pain as you guys are claiming to be going through. Misery does not like company for the record, please be considerate of that and spread the news to other men who don\'t seem to understand that. Thank you for hearing \"our\" side of the story.

Somewhat agree with you. What I don\'t agree with is staying single obsessing only about an ex and doing nothing to get over it. Sometimes the best thing is to get out there and meet new people. My problem now is going through weeding out the rejects. Getting a guy to forget about their first true love is like pulling teeth, but yeah we have to give women we like a chance instead of only thinking about the past. Thinking in the here and now lol. Time heals somewhat.

I adore your honesty! I am in a very similar situation with my husband. We have only been together for 4 years and married for 3 years. He is and has always been in love with his first wife. They divorced over 20 years ago for crying out loud!! I do feel for you and for my husband for that fact, but playing the devils advocate here, I also feel for he women that these men get involved with. I too have been married before, however fortunately for me, I don\'t harbor deep emotionally connected feelings for my ex and have been able to move on to a much healthier place. I wasn\'t aware of how my new husband felt until much later in our relationship, but had I known, I wouldn\'t have married him. I love him dearly, but I now know that I will never ever begin to replace her or her memory. It is a very painful thing to live with. Funny thing, his ex cheated on him with his own best friend and ultimately went on to marry him (they have been married for 20 years now) yet my husband still holds her up on this golden pedestal and blames the guy. You sound like you have your head on straight though, just make sure that when you offer your heart to someone new, that you can really offer your heart. You will always love your ex, and a piece of your heart will belong to her, this is normal, but for your whole heart to belong to another woman while trying to start again with another is plain wrong. Good luck to you and thank you for sharing :)

Your journey and process will come to an end when you finally tell yourself that is done and over . When your tired of belong sick and tired you have to remember that you can care about someone that doesn't care about you ! There is so many girls on this earth and you need to realize that she is not the only one . There is someone out there that is out looking to meet someone good and perhaps looking to treat someone right . Go out and meet people . Accept the fact cuz it is what it is !

Wow, brother, sounds just like me right now. In fact, a few moments ago the tears fell again, caught me off guard. I do wish I had an answer for you, because if I did, then I would have an answer for me as well. But the truth is I have kind of reserved myself to the idea that on the night I met my wife I lost my heart forever, never to have it return to me again. I know I can still love another, but as strange as this may sound, that love wouldn't come from the heart as it did before. For how can I give it to another when I don't even have it in my own possession to give. So, here I sit reading about others who are in the same situation as me feeling just as hopeless, all the while wishing that someday I can find a way to come to terms with this so that I can at least begin to find some happiness in my life. I do wish you the best, and just wanted you to know that someone else knows exactly what you are going through. I know people say that in time all things will heal, and I agree, but this time, if and when the healing comes, it will come alone, without that which I gave to my beloved over 2 years ago. In any case, may God be with you as he has been with me.

i like what you say i'm in the same boat, and what you just say is like exactly what i feel. for me is only being 5 months.God is with us.

I too struggled with this in a bad way just up until I found this thread. I decided that today is the day I let go and let the haunting tormenting feelings of getting my ex back is nothing but just a thought of destructive behavior. I beat myself up everyday. This is not healthy. I have been officially divorced for 5 months but been apart for a yr and a half. I now am going to get in shape mentally, physically and financially. I am going to focus on me because the more confident I become the more good will come my way. I know women are drawn to a strong man............I wish you all the best.

I met my ex-wife almost 14 years ago(I'm 28) so is half of my life. We are from another country. We started dating very young as a kind of a game them she came to the states and we stayed long distance for about a year(this was 2004-2005) I came to the US to be with her and we got married 2006. Everything was great we were finally together and it felt like we made it. We had our up and downs but I never thought her love for me will end. We had a big fight early march2013 on a Saturday and Next day she says to me she doesn't love me anymore and that she had met someone else. She left home 2 days after to her moms and is with this dude. I feel like a zombie or something because we were together half of our lives. So painful I love her so much but last time I spoke to her it's like she is a completely different person. I insulted her since it was obvious she was cheating on me, but now I feel like I need some closure and want to talk to her and leave things in better terms or just never contact her again(so confuse) never had the chance of being single and now single at 28 but I feel like and old man. I hope time will heal me. Good luck to all of us!

Hey bro, had the same thing happen. I know you spent a lot of time with here but 14 years and she cheats sounds like you just need to close the book and light it on fire, not to be disrespectful. Keep your decency and learn from her mistakes and put that positively into a solid relationship. You are not old, I didn't even get married til I was 30 and I know many guys your and my age who can still meet nice women. Advice don't meet women at bars or some sex chat room, I have no idea about online dating but you sound sincere and I doubt you have problems getting women, if anything it could be a self-confidence issue. I am not telling you anything, my past experiences have been just as bad if not worse with women, we learn from their and our mistakes. Don't take any of my words negatively, not the intent just want you to realize that women drive everyone crazy including themselves.

My name is Mark, from USA. I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster when i went to see my friend in Indian this year on a business summit, I meant a man who’s name is DR Moko he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the woman i had wanted to marry left me 3weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3 years. I really loved her, but her mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my Girlfriend called me by herself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better, You can contact him on this email: greatgumbalaspelltemple@gmail. com

Unfortunately, I understand completely. It is heartbreaking loving someone that doesnt love you. I can only offer support and consilation, not answers.

sometime support and cons... is what some of us need thank you.

It's been three months for me, brother. I imagine I'll be in the same place you are in two years. It's tough. Try to be friends with her and find peace that you all can remain in each other's lives in that capacity maybe. Thats what i'm hoping for.

Everyone's relationship is different, but I think the common thread is similar...missing the ex wife, and still being in love with the ex wife. This becomes even more difficult when you have children together because you find yourself raising them in separate homes so inevitably you are forced to see the ex wife all the time. My story is this. I was married for 9 years and have been divorced for almost 5. During this time I have had a couple of short lived relationships in my attempt to move on with my life, and I have also had several attempts at reconciliation with my ex wife that always leave me hurt and confused. I have read just about anything I can to help figure things out, and yet, I still have an empty feeling and I still don't have her back. What I've come to realize; however, is that getting your ex back doesn't work until you're truly ready to let her go. When you're feeling sick about her not being in your life, or when you feel like you can never find anyone to fill the void, you're not letting her go. When you ask her to take you back, and how much you've changed you're not letting her go. By the way, most of the time the change you see in yourself is how much you miss her, and how important is for you to get her back into your life, but have you truly changed? Are you truly different? When a woman decides to leave you it's almost always because they feel like something is missing in their lives, not like men where we THINK there is something missing in our lives, makes sense? Women also need to feel protected and cared for, We want to feel admired, desired, and dominant. Let me tell you that a woman's love should never be measured by metrics, rather by her actions. Sometimes we are so involved in our lives and stresses that we miss those signs of love that we are given. When we miss these things, we hurt our women, a little bit at a time. So think about this while you're trying to get your ex wife back. Telling her how sorry you are and that you'll do anything to get her back is not going to do a damn thing to heal her heart, especially if you have done this in the past and yet continue to be ignorant when you get back together. Apologies are just words, women respond to actions. Believe me, this has been a hard lesson learned for me. So this leads me to the hardest part for all of us...letting her go... This is the hardest part because we want to fix things and how can we fix anything if we're not with them right? Another problem is that we don't want to stay back while someone else comes in for the kill. Sadly, we let our fears and insecurities get the best of us. Now it is possible that someone else can win your ex's heart, but in this scenario I believe time is your friend, as long as you make the sacrifice to let her go. I can't tell you how many times I've done this wrong. Letting her go doesn't mean pretending like she doesn't exist, and just resenting her in the hopes she'll miss you and come back. It means allowing her to seek what she feels she is missing even if it means she is going to try and find it with someone else. After all, she feels like she can't find that with you. Trying to hold her back only pushes her away more. If she's found someone that she is attracted to, it is just that, an attraction. It takes time to develop deep feelings for someone. I know it is torture to think of your ex being wined and dined by some other man, this is an ego thing. You must figure out a way to deal with this on your own. Instead, you have to figure out a way to reconnect with her and you have to be patient. Put it this way, if you do nothing, and this new person is Mr. Right, then you will have lost her forever. If you try and interfere with her new relationship, she will pull away from you, even if the guy turns out to be Mr. Right now. She'll resent you and she will move on to the next guy. Lets say she finds a rich guy who can take care of her, she might stay with this person out of convenience, but this is when you have to realize that this is not the person you want to love you, trust me. So what you can do is become present without pushing her. You can't heal her heart, but you can help her see you in a different light. Let go of desire and instead find a way to see your open heart. Wish her well in her life, and show her that you're not clinging on to your relationship. When you see her, be the guy she fell in love with by being nice. Keep in touch, but do it casually. Let her know you're still there without saying it. Be PATIENT. The easy thing is to say to hell with everything, get emotional and bail, but this will only ensure that she'll stay gone. Instead, commit to a reasonable time fr<x>ame. If nothing changes, then detach yourself and continue moving on. I don't know if my ex and I will ever make it work again, but I do know by letting her go find what she needs is the only shot I've got. After all, her search might lead her back to me, the way it once did. Good luck to all of us.

thanks you i was call her ever day asking her to come i need to let her go agan thanks

This is the most correct information I have ever read! It is is pain in the *** however you just got to let her go........or you will drive yourself crazy. I know because I do it...but not any more. As of today I pledge to let my ex go and work on ME. The more you become mentally, financially and physically fit the more you will be desirable. Good luck everyone!

thank you all you say looks like something i being searching for . and yes good luck to all of us.

My heart breaks for you. Hang in there. Jesus loves you!!

I am going through a similar situation.... i have been divorced for over 2 years now and we were married for 5 and been together a total of 15 years. I cannot get her off my mind and we have a 5 yr. Old son so it makes it hard because we see eachother all the time. She tells me she wants to get back together but has been saying that for a year now. She is not talking or seeing anyone else but i just can't totally win her back! I've tried everything and am willing to do anything... i just don't know what to do anymore. I will not give up! So the best advice is to be patient and if its right she'll come back to you! I don't know your situation nut i wish you the best of luck!

Thought I'd post here as an update. Over a year since I wrote the first part. I got over her but it wasn't easy. We're just strangers now. I don't think of her or wonder what she's doing or anything. Only thing that worked is to just not think about it. Clear your mind listen to the radio etc. It's all just a blank to me now. Comfortably numb as it were. Hobbies didn't help. Mostly just thinking about little things like what to cook when I get off work and how to spend my evenings. It's nice and quiet with no one to bug me lol. Already wondering when I'll find someone else but that'll just take time. Take care everyone.

Its really nice to be able to read these stories and it has helped my try and put some perspective on my break up. Unlike many, me and my ex broke up amicably 18 months ago, but it was her wish, not mine as she no longer loved me, but wanted me to stay in the house till I found somewhere to live.
We married and had kids young, and had been together for 23 years and I see her a couple of times a week. She is still stunning and i feel the same feelings for her that I did when I was 18 and I have even told her this, but this made things more awkward. Because of the way I felt, I moved out to stay with a friend just after we split and my ex was really angry with me for doing so, saying that I had hurt her by moving out which really confused me as it was her that asked to break up.
I am trying to move on, but I don't really have any friends, even my work colleagues are too old and have little in common with me for me to build friendships there. I have tried internet friend sites, but only seemed to get responses from girls, which in principle is fine, but ALL wanted relationships or sex which is not really what i want or need at the moment, as I am still besotted with my ex.
Im kinda not sure what to do with my life at the moment, and had considered moving away. I have managed to get a new job which starts in the new year, and I am hoping that this gives me opportunities to make new friends, but I am finding it hard to make that emotional ' break' from the ex.

My wife walked out on our marriage after a short, but not previously unexperienced rocky patch. The life that we built together was shattered in one day, three weeks later, she fell pregnant to another boyfriend, and takes our two kids off to live in a village half the week. I would say only this to you; I miss her more than I can describe, but, and this is the key here, I miss the old her, not the one who felt her vows meant nothing, not the one who gave no consideration to her children, her husband or her family. I have to work with her too, I see her regularly, very regularly, and each time it kills me a little bit, but i know the woman i married is no longer there. She says she regrets it, but I dont believe her. My life is good, I have a job I like, friends, I`ve started doing a degree and financially, its tight, but I manage. I dont feel my life is better for my ex-wife not being in it; if I could regain the old "her" then I would move heaven and earth to do that, but I cant, so I live with it. I`ll find some one else, one day, when the times right. Some one wont be my ex wife, but I will be happy again, I will love again. So my friend, do your self a favour, forgive yourself, forgive her, accept she will always be your great love and find the positives in your life, because trust me, they`re there, you just need to see them.

I wish you all the best.

Very nice response!!!!!

I too, miss my ex wife terribly. We were married for 17 years, had two kids, and have ben divorced for 14 years. The divorce was caused by my deep depression brought about by the death of my father and resulting in my treating her badly and with disrespect. Neither of us has remarried. I tried dating but I felt like I was cheating on my ex-wife. She hasn't dated either until recently and she says he is just a "friend". We saw each other frequently when the kids were in school and even college but now that they are grown and gone I don't see her often. When I do I have the same feelings of love that I had back when we were dating but she doesn't feel that way about me. I want to reconcile and be the husband I should have been 14 years ago but I know that won't happen. I will simply have to live with the memories and the knowledge that I still love her. I have told her how I feel but got no response but my feelings won't change. I will simply have to live with it...

Divorce is the real silent killer. I read your story and believe me I can relate to your story. I am going through that now and I am sure every case is different but when you love your x or x to be the pain is nothing that words can discrible. I saw my wife and before we talked I told my friend that I was going to marry that woman. I did and 16 years later my world came tumbling down crashing every inch of my life. She said she wanted a divorce, we lost financially in the market down turn but that was no real reason for divorce. Anyway, I discovered she was having an affair so I accepted the fact we are going to divorce and moved out. Shortly after she begged me to come back and said she has ended that relationship with that othe man (who is married) and lets work on rebuilding what we had. After a few months I saw signs that she was up to no good and followed her so said she was at it. As she stepped out of the movies I walked up to them both holding hands and I told her I knew it and I needed that divorce.<br />
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It was perfect timimg because she wanted us to cancel the divorce and that hearing was schedule to be days away. I called my attorney and told her of what i just witness and we are going for the divorce. I should be collecting spousal support and 50% of her pension. She is saying, she is surprized her for taking her money like this. No money can replaced the pain, stress, depression and most of all the humiliation I am dealing with now. I lost weight having problem sleeping, eating and so much more. A cheater can destroy your life and this surely did.

It was a tremendous comfort to read all these responses. My ex was the one who begged me back, said he'd always take care of me, never hurt or leave me or cheat on me again, and that he'd prove it if I just came back and married him. He enlisted everyone we knew into pressuring me to come back, despite all my reservations... 16 mo later he walked out. I came home to a nearly empty house one day during grad school, in the middle of a full-time unpaid internship that was sucking the life out of me--at a time when I needed his support the most, especially considering that grad school was a decision we made together.<br />
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He was cold and callous and completely unloving and unsympathetic for 6 mo until one week after our divorce, when I told him I slept with someone and would no longer call/write to beg him to come back. He started crying in the restaurant, saying he couldn't live w/o me...<br />
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I told him to go screw a couple girls then see how he felt. He met a girl 20 years younger (who was physically the complete and polar opposite of what he had always said he was attracted to), and told me to never contact him again. In the meantime, he manipulated me into agreeing to no alimony in the divorce paperwork and went back on ALL his promises, pretty much leaving me for dead. He didn't care that I couldn't pay my bills and moved 5x in 2 yrs. He didn't care if I had to take the dogs we'd raised together for 7 years to the pound.<br />
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I hate his guts, and yet at the same time, I was never so close or so in love with somebody in my entire life. I compare every man to him, and know they will never measure up. I miss his scent, his hands, his voice, his talent, his mind... <br />
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He spent a year pursuing me, insisting he was not all the very things he turned out to be. I NEVER thought we'd be strangers. It kills me to NOT know what he's doing in life, what he feels/thinks, what's going on, when he hurts or when he genuinely laughs. <br />
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I miss his family as much as I miss him. It's been 2 years but it feels like it was last week. I can still hear his voice, smell him, feel him, remember life with him as if it was yesterday, and miss it terribly. It would've been easier if he had been killed in an accident. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with the rejection, with the person I've loved most in this entire world telling me to go away and never contact him again. <br />
<br />
I am with a great guy now who is the complete opposite of the ex. He is hard-working, loves me, has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, respects women in general, pitches in around the house, etc. Yet I know I will never love him the same way. I respect him unlike his exes did, fight for him like they never would, but I will never worship him the way I did my ex.

I feel your pain. My ex and I were in love. She has divorced me and hasn't seen me in three years, and refuses to talk to me. She met a man via internet, lured her away from a responsible and yet wonderful life, got her pregnant, and now alone with baby, her tail is between her legs, and refuses to come to terms how she feels about me. (my perspective). There is nothing I havent tried in three years to reconcile. It is not her heart that is absent I believe. That is what keeps me hanging on. Her guilt, not her heart keeps us apart...so that keeps me hanging on, because my heart knows how she really feels, and is trying to let enough time pass to "heal" herself. I am completely stuck, and surrendered to the situation, and have made myself content waiting for her. Nothing else makes me happy. She is the love of my life. 8 years we were best friends. I have never met anyone in my life that has come close. I believe that if not here, we will be together in a different place. I dont know how to trust or love another, if something that good, can suddenly change. it makes no sense to me, other than what I have mentioned.

I feel your pain! I was married for 9 almost 10 years. But more important we were together 18 <br />
years. As I read blogs tonight I <br />
came across one that really hit <br />
home and thought to myself <br />
damn thats what I have been <br />
doing all along but I didn't think <br />
of it like that! Think of her as dead. Now I no that sounds harsh but think of it like this... Your not in love with the girl you once loved, married, ect. You are still in love with the idea that she is that person. She's not or you would have not split in the first place. Just try this it works. Think of your best Times together and then think of an different ending and make believe that she died. Then mourn her just as you would a lost loved one. I mean really mourn her, if it takes weeks, hell even years, as it did me! After that is over and trust me you will know. When and if you ever see her again look at her as a new person, one you have never met, and whatever you do don't let your mind tell you that your wife is in there somehow, that's not posable after all your wife as you know her and how she was when you married her is dead. I did this with my ex and it works but I will say that I still believe that we will be together again, in a different place.

hi this has helped me realise what i need to do and made me cry when i read it. was married for 27 years 3 children all boys. she left after seeing someone else for 6 months. she only left when i found out. if i hadnt i dont think shed have left and regret finding out. i think it would have fizzled out. its been 16 months now and last time i saw or text her was 11 months ago. kids live at home but all men now. they dont want to ever see her again. they have had 3 texts each in 11 months. they have seen and lived what i went through and hate her beyond a point i could ever do..they say even if she came home (unlikely) they will never speak to her, which i assume wouldnt help me but i guess she would have to bulid bridges again. but it wont happen. i have resigned my self to her staying away and i dont go out my way to see her. i could as i know where she lives 3 miles away and i know where she works. but it would hurt to much. i think im divorced i dont open the letters but chances are i am. my solicitor was rubbisgh anyway letting me take the blame when she had the affair..only 2 of my boys live here now and im not sure if the other is talking to her. the 2 who live at home got birthday and xmas cards from her (they didnt open them) but the one who left didnt. so i asked him if he had told hwer where he lives and he said no. i dont believe him as there is no explantion why she didnt send him any cards to my address as she did the other two. also he was her favorite in respect of hes quiet like she was. but reading your tale made me realise i have got this far and now need to class her as dead. it will be theonly way i can still cry for her and love her but not have her. thankyou..by the way im from the uk...david

This afternoon, I googled "it has been 9 years, will I ever get over my divorce?" That is how I came to read your post. Apparently, one never gets over a divorce totally if you were the one left. I was married for 28 years and one day my husband just left. He had been thinking about it, but I didn't know it. He was still making my breakfast, bringing me coffee, and telling me he loved me. I was devastated and that is not even an accurate desc<x>ription. Anyway, there are a lot of gory details, but 9 years later, I am not nearly as angry, but very sad. My children have had no contact with him since he left either. It is like I didn't know this person I grew up with. He lied about everything or what? I don't have a clue. No closure. I don't cry everyday anymore, but I am pretty sure he crosses my mind every day. I know that counseling helped somewhat - and I read every self help book I could get my hands on. I read my Bible and repeated Bible verses instead of cursing my ex until I would quit crying. I also did a lot of physical labor - I cut all of the shrubbery in front of our house down to the ground! It hasn't needed trimming again until this year! It took a while, but was good therapy! I would say that the only thing that really dulls the pain is lots and lots of time unfortunately. I have gone on with my life. I am engaged and I don't wallow in self pity anymore. But my life and heart and trust were forever changed.

R u n love? Better than love than ur first?

This was not a marriage thing cause we never got married, but hear me out. me and my ex girlfriend were together on and off for 8 years, but more on than off. we had a baby girl 3 years ago and i love her so much. when we broke up the last time was about 6 or 7 months ago, we had had enough of eachother. She has another boyfriend now who sees my daughter on a regular basis, which makes me ill just thinking about it. when we broke up i was still living with her and still sleeping with her. but... she was sleeping with another guy while she was sleeping with me which we told eachother that was a rule. so i moved out and had some fun myself. I slept with one girl. I then just assumed we would get back together like always. but it didnt happen. its been 7 months now and we are still not back together. for the past 2 months i have been doing everything in my power to get her back. telling her how i feel, telling her i love her and want to start the family she always wanted. but its all gone now. i have to get over it. but this is the love of my life,,,,,and ive never been the suicidal type, but i do suffer from depression and anxiety. and this ordeal has caused me so much pain. its like something has suck the life right out of me. I want her back, even though she hurt me so bad.... everyone says it just takes time,,,,, but i want my daughter to have her mommy and daddy together. Sometimes the anti depression mens help and sometimes they dont. I feel Lost! When i work i think about her, when i exercise i thinnk about her, driving, eating, am i obsessed or is this just love? i think ive screwed up and lost her forever. was lookin for some helpful advice from some who has been through this. please help me...

I feel ya bro! Don't chase her and tell her how u feel. They will run. I screwd up and did the same. Women are strange creatures. They want what they can't have. And u telling her over/over how u feel ect. Won't get em back. I know its hard. But u have to play it off. Make her feel like ur done and she can't have u. Don't do stupid crap to make her not want u like sleepn round calln drunk ect. But just act like everythings just fine. She'll come back. If its in her heart. If not dude just do ur best. Its been year and half. And I breakdown 2 or3 times a week. She's remarried/kids w/the guy. Sux. But .... I have to see her to get my kids. Just play the game make her want u. Most of luck bro

wise words twitch. i did the same but it was to late. i read a great book which said leave her alone. but id been trying to hard for to long. wish id found the book earlier as it did help a little as i saw her looking at me in the corner of her eye,cos i did what the book said. to little to late though..its been 16 months for me shell never come back as she was seeing someone for 6 months before she left but i didnt know until after she went, but i found out before and accused her but she denied it.. if id have not said anything shed probably be here now.

i read all these posts above and it felt like all you had wrote was from my own head.<br />
I was in a relationship for 11 years, married for 7 years. I adored this girl. We loved each other so much and it was intense love. But after 7 years things started going wrong. We started arguing and not talking to each other. Then one day in a fit of rage i scoffed at my marriage in front of her. She took the chance and said ok we are getting a divorce. I was so angry that i agreed. But weeks later i was regretting it and tried to get her to call it off. But she wasn't for refusing. I had no choice but to let her go and watch her leave. I can tell she no longer loves me. And i found out she later met someone and has now moved in with this person. It was the hardest thing i had to try and accept in my life. To think that the person i love and adore doesn't love me and is sleeping with someone else. It really scars me badly. I have tried everything to try and move on. New hobbies, dating, holidays. When i'm dating i find myself comparing her to my wife and thinking you dont compare to my wife. I don't try to do it, it just happens and i cant stop it. Late at night is the worst. My mind starts wandering and i find myself lookin at photos. Now it's been 2 years since she left and i still am as crazy about her as the day she left. I was driving along in my car the other day and saw her car at a house. Obviously it must be where she now lives with this guy. I felt this compelling urge to drive past again to try and see if i could see if it was her in the house and to see who this mystery guy was. I felt so angry with myself for stooping so low as i knew i shouldnt have been doing it but this feeling i have, this burning sensation of adoration is overwhelming. It almost feels like an obsession. I just don't know the answer. I am not happy in other relationships, and in hobbies i always come back round to thinking about her. I can't move on. I feel stuck in limbo on earth. I feel unable to move.

At this point all I can do is cry while I read these posts I hurt 7 years and a child that I love and miss it kills me and has devastated my life the pain has become to much to bear. Id rather die than live another moment like this. Dreams are my rest to awake is my nightmare. suicide is my relief I just can't take anymore

woundswontheal,

Your post gave me chills. I am so worried for you and I don't even know you. Can you imagine how your friends and family would feel if you did commit suicide?... devastation, heartache, sadness, anger, GUILT. Suicide is the worst death imaginable for those left behind, especially if you have any children. The ones left behind are always questioning..."What if and Why?" The pain they feel is daily. I am not sure if you believe in a higher power, but if you have any belief at all...pray and put all your faith and trust in Him. God does not want us to suffer here on earth. We all suffer in life. Our suffering can bring us closer to Him. If you don't believe in a higher power then you should talk to a therapist. I don't know you, but I can assume that you are drinking alcohol or using drugs to mask your pain. If you are, go to an AA meeting. If you are not, go to a ALANON meeting. Start there. You need to get help somewhere. Talk to a therapists or find a group grief meeting. When you realize that you are not alone and that others have gone through exactly what you are going through and have overcome their suffering, then you will start to feel better and be able to handle your pain and suffering. You can overcome this suffering, if you let go of your pride. Pride kills. I know this from a very real experience.

We are all in pain here. If you can't be together in this life, and know that deep down you are in her heart, you will be together..eventually..and beyond this life. In the meantime, cry if you have to, continue to love, none of us can figure out what happened. Thats why we are here, to talk and listen. Life just...changes for some, I guess. I am not saying let it go, or move on, but allow yourself to love, and live.

woundswontheal. i feel the same and am still here. i hope you didnt take that path and be nice to hear from you. take care.

I found out that my spouse was wit another man when I was in the hospital almost dying my son came to see me and told me dad me a mommy and the guy was at the eating ice-cream I am heart broken she left after I got out of the hospital a week latter she ask me to let her in my house that she or my son dint have a place to stay so I let her back in my house but she don't want to be with me so I told her to leave but she dont want to and I am so in love with her it been ten years somebody help

Thank you my love

I know exactly what you mean. I was married for the four most wonderfully years of my life. We divorced 10 years ago and there has not been a day go by that I don't think of her. Some people say I am wasting my life and should move on. Well I've tried several times and it never worked. I've moved countless times and had numerous well paying careers but i still miss her. I consider myself fortunate for the four years I had and the time she was in my life. Thank you lord for what I had and the faith that I have in knowing that I will see her again someday when the suffering of this life is over

after one year i still pondering about my ex wife, i put up a fight for 3years but all is in vain. she finally move in with lover. i lost my son to them and the ones i love so much. she was sleeping with her lover while she was 7 weeks pregnant. it was most humiliating thing i have ever have to face in my whole life. one year on i still love her and i seems not getting over her. and dont know when will getting over her will happen. i have slept with so many woman but always feel lost empty afterwards. and my father told me that it would ever remain like that all my life. that i should lean how to live with it. one year on after 9 years together i felt that 80 percent of me is gone i stand up at night some to lookout from my window for my ex wife hopping that one day i would find my lost love. it hurts and it hurts so much.

I'm convinced that I am still completely physiologically loving her - even after more than a year of our life together being over. And now she is in a full relationship with someone else for more than nine months. No one can understand her having made the choices that she's made. What I do understand is that the pain for me is due to my inability to let go of the past, and that past is definitely GONE for her. I have a son who feels probably as much pain as I do only his is more in the form of anger - the anger a child feels when he feels as if his mom betrayed him by killing the family and by hurting his dad so, and by, in less than a year, happily sharing with all whom she cares about her new love - a meekish little man who simply charms her completely and poses NO threat whatsoever. It kills me to keep pondering the should've - could've - would'ves where I completely failed to see how our love was headed on a collision course. And when it happened, it was as horrible as they come: she left for a weekend to meet with another, and when she returned I learned within a couples days afterward of the affair, and she then simply announced that she was in love with him. The term "crushed and asphyxiated" applied perfectly for me then at the time...and that marked the beginning of the end. I realized how much I had failed to get anything right, and had been guilty of this for years. So, here I am now still so saddened by the outcome. My family has fallen apart. My beautiful wife wants nothing other than we finalize our divorce so that she can casually move on. Yet I still feel as though something has been COMPLETELY missed by her. I keep thinking that she's "snap out of it". Weird. Movies have happy endings. I simply pray that mine will too. Everything that I've been dealt since the whole thing happened has been so unfair. I keep wondering to myself when will she get her "wake up" call. It just doen't make sense to me at all...I KNOW that we could have fixed the issues between us. How the heck can she feel good about the aftermath of all this?...Are some women really this screwed up?

sandblast, I totally get you buddy, and yes women just become screwed up! I was married to my wife for 8.5 years, and dated her for seven (total 15 years my friend). We started having issues after I noticed she took notice of a guy at work. He had emailed her telling her he liked her. Well they had email talks, talks on the phone and then after about 5 or 6 months she tells me she isn't happy any more. We have a 6 year old daughter and a five year old son. She moved out this Easter. so she has been gone for three months. we share custody, and i just found out that she is now sleeping with the same guy. i too know we could have fixed issues. I went to a marriage counselor, she did not want to go. So now in the last three days when I found out she is sleeping with him, it's all I can think about. We were happy except for the last year maybe. She threw away 15 years for some dumb *** smuck from her work. And now messed up my life, just like yours, and my kids too. Sandblast women can get this screwed up. She tells me it's entirely her fault. I know it, and i can NEVER forgive her for what she has done. And to then sleep with the guy now is just salt in the wound brother! it hurts more than anything in the world. we have to push through i guess, and hope that we find happiness somewhere else. Where that is right now i have no f***ing clue!!

Read my blog at top It works I'm telling u guys. The kid thing might make it harder but work an angle on this and make yourself believe that she is dead. Cause come on she is dead to you, right. After all the thangs my x did to me, sleeping with my bestfriend, countless emotional affairs,( they are the worst) it was easy to make myself believe she was dead. Because she is! To me anyway!

I cant get my head around her being "dead" to me. She loves me and cannot come back because of sheer humiliation and guilt. Her heart still loves me. How do I know? My heart knows. I think there are more here like me. This is what makes getting over someone so difficult..knowing they still love you, no matter how they act.

er...kinda. I refuse to be anything but distant friends...but she still is the love of my life. What she did completely broke my trust in her...but I can chat ok with her online. Just doesn't feel right hanging out...thoughts would lead me down a road I don't want to go anymore.<br />
<br />
Still doing good, I wrote this on here to begin with because I just can't get my love for her to subside. Even dating feels wrong because after awhile in the end she just isn't my exwife, and for some off the wall reason my ex is all I really want.<br />
<br />
I have been doing the all-about-me thing and doing it rather successful. I had dropped my computer habits so I could have more time to date, now that I have allot of time on my hands I've been tinkering with the compy like crazy...loads of fun. I've picked up the guitar, not great, but learning my scales and getting better. When my mom moves closer soon, about a state away, I'll be able to visit, and at the same time get rid of some of my thoughts just to travel. lol I kept screwing myself over for awhile just doing that, but I did finally get myself in one place and content with myself. <br />
<br />
My will ended up being just forget about relationships. Hey, the one you wanted and ironically still want isn't going to work, so you might as well do something for yourself. Not all people get over that one person they fell in love with, everyone is different, just seems best to do it your own way.<br />
<br />
If or when I might meet someone who I might love as well, maybe this will change, but the only thing I could think of was just to accept your feelings for what they are and move on.

I have fallen into the same trap. After dating my ex for 2.5 years we got married and divorced after this year after our 3rd marriage anniversary. She was the one that said she wasn't happy anymore. I thought this women was theo e of my life for both of our birthdays as well as her oldest some were on the same day. I have tried to completely erase my memory of the past, but I find myself thinking of her and my stepboys everyday. I have told her it is probably best if we cut all communication with each other, but she insist that we remain friends and continue to go to wvents together. I have been to embarrased to tell any of my friends, co-workers or family that we are divorced. If you find a will or a way, please share it with me. Thanks.

Neither time, nor accepting your feelings, nor being grateful for having her (or him) in your life or having such a relationship, nor any empty, irrelevant suggestion people make will make you "feel" any better. Because these soothing suggestions are as palliative as Tylenol is to a stab-wound. Where whatever we try misses the point starts, among many other things (most of which are a mystery to me) by some misconceptions. <br />
<br />
First we have understand that love is ownership, and that you have lost the rights to your property. Even though people elevate it (love) to sublime heights, it (love) just is a violent and possessive obsession over another person. The intensity of which is proven post split up. <br />
<br />
Second, in my experience, it seems to me that such relationships (the sounds of which yours belongs to), are pretty hectic and painful all along. While we like to delude ourselves, "post-mortem" in a way, if you think about it, your life was hell during the relationship. If it wasn't constant fights, there was the involuntary obsessive demand for attention that you couldn't help but dedicate to that person. In most cases this attention varies from paralyzing (jealousy, continuous check up, sms - where are you, what are you doing etc) to a continuous nagging and a needing of being in the other's presence to the point that solitude is not the same anymore. Can you really tell me that you were "pain-free" during that time?<br />
<br />
Also, we seem to focus too much on how good we *Feel* as opposed to the contents of life. This is more prevalent to very strong or very weak types. The mediocre ones are selfish enough and have figured this out long ago, genetically in a sense. They desire and consequently feel less in life (what ghosts!). To them a break-up is a bit too-spicy bite in life, which they get over fairly easily and move on to their next bland, socially comfortable position. I am referring to the strong types here (and in this entire post). You have to come to terms and realize that you never *feel* exactly good about your possession. The moments of good feelings are ephemeral and they usually occur during the transitory point of a new conquest. But new thirst and pain soon arises as you strive for more. The point is that you have to understand that *feeling* is a smoke mirror and the underlying mechanism is something else.<br />
<br />
A cure I can imagine (and worked for me) is to find something new to obsesses about. Try setting a challenging goal for yourself, start a difficult project, start working out and obsess about yourself, learn something new and challenging. Difficult goals require the same mindset that a strong obsessive types naturally have. This way, your drive does not end up destroying you, but works to your benefit. And it should be so for strong-willed people. Looking back you will laugh at yourself now. But at least this way there will be substantial fulfillment and complete self-dependency. And there is no-one better to love than onself. ;) As far as pain... it will only make you stronger, if you can only learn how to digest it properly.<br />
<br />
G. <br />
<br />
PS. I understand that what I wrote may be relevant to a very small minority. Of course, I can only speak to experience, and have by no means lived 200 lives to have a more complete view of life.

I'm no expert but I think part of the trick is to NOT fight your feelings. They are there for a reason - you are still in love with her. fact is 'feelings' wouldnt be genuine if we could just switch them on & off as we pleased.<br />
<br />
Instead try and embrace the fact that you had a relationship & married a woman who you truly loved not many even get the chance. Make decisions that feel comfortable and just go with the flow. <br />
<br />
wishing you all the best (hug) x<br />
<br />
cherri