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I am divorced. I am a single mother and, this is my story.

My marriage was honestly D.O.A. It had all kinds of wrong written all over it but I thought I was superwoman and I could conquer the impossible. 
It took me forever to realize I had married the wrong guy, it took me another forever to make up my mind to leave him.
It has taken me a long time to get over the separation plus the divorce.
I´ve had to battle to overcome depression, anxiety and social pressure. I thought for a while that was not going to be possible.

But time heals everything, yes, even the deepest wounds and now I feel I made the right choice.

I can´t imagine how I put up with that misery for so long but 
, the ever famous hindsight is letting me see where I went wrong and why I should never miss having a man like that in my life.

It´s been quite a long story but with a Happy Ending. 

underconstruction underconstruction 41-45, F 51 Responses Jan 17, 2008

Your Response


A really big hug to you my friend. Even if it took you a good while, I'm still happy you realized that such marriage was toxic and that even thought it taught you a great lesson, it was good you ended it for your own sake.
I'm proud of the will and strength you found and that you decide to make a better life in your wn terms.
Take care good friend.

Good for you!

Good for you. Are you happy now?

The ending is what matters! Glad you weathered the storm.


Just following up to see how things are going. Take care, and best wishes going forward. :)

Congrats to you, and best wishes always. :)

That's amazing good story welcome to the single world lol

Congratulations to the new you. I went through the same process. I didn't want to leave but absolutely knew I had to for my own sanity and piece of mind. I had the ups and downs just as you did.....I am in a great place now in life and looking forward to the future.

I've been single since febuary. I wasn't married to my ex but I was with her for fifteen years. I want to move on but I have no friend's except the ones I have here. I have made myself over into the man that I used to be plus the man I am know. I'm a heck of a lot stronger mentally and physically then in the past. What do you recommend construction? Do I keep working on me ?

I am a new man know and feel great. For once in my life I'm bettering myself for no one else but me so I can be a better version and a better dad.

Yes,time does heal a lot:)
Glad you are in a happier place!

Here's to a happy and fulfilled future!

Most marriages are cages for marriages where they put love, good that u escape

Very happy ending, im glad that you have sorted things out in your life and that your moving on, have an awesome life and what ever you do just be you. See you around.

That's wonderful! What made you finally decide to take the final step to leave and that it was enough?

Divorce can be hard but when you realize you deserve a better, happier life and build the strength to go through it to better yourself and your life it does set you free...Enjoy your life and find things that make you happy, Never put yourself second....Congratulations.....!!!!!

Happy for you to made a wise choice eventually.How's everything going Ma'am?Hope all fine.

I'm glad for you... and best of luck for your new life. I can see that this story was written in 2008 and I hope you are doing better now.<br />
<br />
However, there is something that bothers me - the plate about two comments below me... is he for real?

You are inspiring I could not have said it better. It seams that there is a pattern and in between is a void that needs to be fixed hopefully at start up. Human whisper

I'm glad you were able to move on! My marriage was DOA also... and I wonder if I will ever have the strength to leave.

I am so inspired by your story. I am in a relationship with someone i need to get out of. And yes i had my moment of clarity a while back, like what am i doing. I see my future ahead of me, but i have not yet found the strength to move on. Its my fear that is holding me back. Fear of what ifs, and because he is bipolar, im afraid to leave and he is going to find me or something. I know i have the courage, its just being blocked. I don't say i wallow in self pity, i know i am responsible for my own actions. But is he, no. He is not responsible and has no compassion or no love only for himself. I see that, have spent years trying to help him, but only found myself drowning in his misery. I am bringing myself out of that whole step by step and i give you so much credit for being strong and leaving. I will be there sometime and i hope to share my story as well, and hopefully be able to inspire someone to make their life better. Congrats!

awesome, congrats on your new, happier life!

I'm glad that you made it through the rough times you lived in terrible marriage then being a single mother. I am striving to save my newly marriage and make our baby live in healthy envirenment but my wife doesn't care

This is great! You made it out!! I am going through that too! It has taken me the last three years to decide to leave! I can't believe it, because I should have never believed the lies. Good luck and I hope you find the happiness you deserve!

Yes Superwoman we all make mistakes. Some take longer than others to make an adjustment. The adjustment takes some getting used to. You are far younger than I in this respect and should work out real nice for you. <br />
<br />
I am still working on the adjustment. Gettin' better.

Thank you and repeating the appropriate title to this story :<br />
<br />
YAY !!!!!!!!!!

Thank you all for your kind words and good wishes.<br />
<br />
I am certainly in a much better place now and as time goes I realize leaving that unhappy marriage was the best decision I could have ever made.<br />
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All my best to you all as well :-)

You go GIRL! My marriage started on the wrong foot, started limping and collapsed recently. I'm emerging from the rubble though and it's weird to say this but I NEEDED this soul shaking experience for me to grow up and face all of my issues. I'm such a different person now and working towards being spiritually stronger instead of cowering in the face of truth as I once did. With every day that passes, I leave a little bit more of the fear/anxiety/darkness behind and gain a little bit more love/optimism/light. Everything is going to be okay after all :)

I'm glad you're happy, I think you're an inspiration, more people should live for happiness rather than routine

CONGRATULATIONS!!!... for your successful journey so far!!!

Good for you,move on and don't even thank of going back. It would kill you and your family. I thank it is good to take your time no matter how old you are. I too went through that for only 3yrs. and got a divorce with the help of my boss and good friends. Enjoy your life!!!!!

Way to go Ms.underconstruction, u have a strong foundation now :) good luck from now on, things will only get better for you.Love and peace :)

Yea! Good for you.

Well I guess that describes mine too - bad start and no recovery, and now no intimiacy either... after 5 years, only 2 living together, it really feels over...

Thank you all for your encouraging comments :-)<br />
<br />
Yes, by D.O.A I meant a relationship not a person and it means exactly Dead on Arrival (as in , my marriage started on the wrong foot and then it all went downhill from there).

I am new to this site - I love this thread, so many cool comments - but now I have to ask - what is a DOA ? Dead on arrival ? I can see that might apply to a relationship ( like mine .... -_- ) , but not a person we live with ;) <br />
Please help the newbie to understand ...!!

Isn't it an amazing feeling to peer over the edge of the cliff and see how far you've climbed.<br />

Nice comment mlf1070...that was very funny. sounds like you have your stuff together now. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!

mlf1070> thats the best belly laugh i have had in months.<br />
<br />
My sides are killing me! Thank you!<br />
<br />
underconstruction> you are inspirational, you rule!

I am so happy for you and glad for me for finally reading a happy-ending story. I am also a mom and stuck in a bad mariage (plus sexless to boot!) and hope one day to see the light at the end of the tunnel. GL to you

mlf1070.....that is hilarious!<br />
<br />
I'm very happy for you, UC. And for the little squirt. Does he participate in raising her?

Thank you , Myonis. So true. As they say if there is a will , there is a way, and if there is a way then its time to move on :-)

I'm glad you're out of that mess. You and your daughter are better off, as you know. So many people don't get that moment of clarity, and sometimes when they do they don't have the strength or means to do anything about it. Self pity is fine - for a bit. Wallowing is fine - for a bit. But if there's a way, then it's time to move on.

I totally understand, been there......done that. Other people handle it differently. I was just too sad and overwhelmed for a long period of time but once I had my moment of clarity things changed, and they changed for the better. Looking back on it I owe this sad episode of my life the strength and courage I have found in myself and the best gift life could have ever given me, my darling little daughter.

I think that we fall into self-pity because we don't recognize our responsibility for our life & actions. We blame something or someone else outside of us for the cause of our misery. As soon as we realize that, first - all the challenges in our lives are gifts & opportunities to grow; and second - we need to acknowledge the reigns in our own hands - self-pity will be inappropriate & waste of energy. We don't accept the idea that whatever happens is our own making & that takes the responsibility off of us, which in turn makes us pity ourselves & feel more & more miserable.

I wish it had been. I took a year of my life. Then one day you realize WTF am I doing, and get up on the rode again. I would have done it differently but **** we are all human and as much as I would have loved not to feel hurt it overcame me.

Thanks misasja, yes time indeed works wonders !!! and its very nice when we look back and realize we have come such a long way !!<br />
GND, I think it was Wilde who said; Ah!! self pity, the only kind of pity that really counts !!! But you are right fallling and staying in self pity mode doesnt help. We should just throw a pity party once and move on..... if it just were that easy !!

The worst mistake is to fall into self pity. I have been there going on three years since the divorce, and I want to tell you it does get better soon.

It sucks that it takes us so long to realize something quite obvious but at least we do eventually. Congrats on your bravery! And you're right, time works wonders although the scars never fade. Nevertheless, going through difficult times & still surviving gives us confidence in the future - we know now that no matter what happens, we can make it sooner or later.

Five Important Tips For Women. 1. It's important that a man helps out around the house, and has a good job. 2. It's important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It's important to find a man you can count on and will never lie to you. 4. It's important that a man loves you passionately, satisfies you completely, and spoils you with expensive gifts. 5. It's VERY important that these four men don't know each other.

Your good lol

Lol... Tsk tsk

Oh that was good!!!!

I don't really know you personally, but from what I can tell you are a very smart strong minded person. I hope nothing but the best for you UC. You are such a great person.

Just because you got it wrong with one man, doesn't mean that there isn't someone with whom you could get it right. Don't stop looking.