No Relief After Divorce
My divorce was just finalized a few days ago. While this has been a very long drawn out process and the end was anticipated and prepared for, the relief I expected to feel from closure didn't happen. In fact I feel weighed down by the end result. My ex husband and I had been together for 19 yrs. If not divorced would have been married a total of 12 yrs next month. I made the ultimate decision for divorce after years of many many struggles. There was deceit, lack of support, cheating & extreme communication issues along with financial & employment struggles. I have read & learned through the years that my ex husband falls into the category of having a narcissistic disorder/personality etc. which makes him very difficult to deal with on any level. I always wonder if this would have been easier if there were no children involved. We have two children therefore we have to be involved with one another for their sake & it has not been easy. Especially when dealing with someone who is a strong manipulator and plays a lot of mind games not just with me but with the children. I did not enter into the decision of divorce easily. In fact it took 5 years for me to even file. I'm smart enough to know that it wasn't going to be a magic wand to wave all my problems away but I was definitely hoping for some relief. I am almost feel like I hurt more now then I did during my marriage which is silly considering I endured a lot of pain & a sense of abandonment in my marriage.