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My Marriage Was Sabotaged.

It has been 6 years, and I am still hurt and angry, not at myself but at my ex- husband who didn't stand by my side and the so called "friend" of his who had no business getting involved in my personal life.

I met my husband in the army, I served, then got out and married and became an army wife, I was happy. One year after marriage and he gets deployed, and if anyone knows through experience deployments can ruin marriages, family, friends and a lot of other things. So I prayed every night for his return home, unharmed, that is what I got, and I thought things were ok, until events started to unravel and I couldn't hold the broken pieces together.

A couple of months before my husband returned home, I had gone out with a couple of girlfriends to a dance club, I had gotten drunk and danced with another guy, at this point my two friends had abandoned me, and had actually gone upstairs to watch me at a distance. I had no idea but a soldier from my husband's squad was there too, he had gotten back from Iraq early, he recorded me on his cell phone dancing with this guy, with full intention of telling my husband when he got home.

Now, let me make things clear: I admit that getting drunk was not the right thing to do and dancing with another guy was stupid. However, I believe in my heart that I didn't do anything wrong, I did NOT get this stranger's number and I did NOT go home with him and I did NOT cheat on my husband. Now this saboteur
should have taken into account that I did not leave the club with this guy and that I had actually left with my girlfriends, but this was a supposed friend of my husband's and we had went to his wedding, so if he was any kind of friend, instead of video recording me, he should have grabbed my arm and said "don't do this, you are drunk, let my offer you a ride home" Or something to that effect.

Now months after the club, my husband comes home, and I meet him at the airport, but this saboteur is there first and reveals to him what I did, of course at this point I didn't know that he was at the club, and the exchange of words at the airport, I had forgotten about that night it being unimportant, I'm happy my hubby is home. A couple of weeks later my husband confronts me about me dancing with another guy, and that he wants a divorce. At this point no matter what I did to save my marriage I just drove him farther away.

Needless to say my friends are no longer my friends, I had asked them "why did you two abandon me?" Why didn't you stop me"? One had replied: "I didn't know what to do" And the other replied: "Well you are an adult, you can make your own decisions" Later they accused me of blaming them for what happened, (some "friends" huh?) When its a legit question for me to ask them, since girlfriends are supposed to look out for their girlfriends, especially when they are drunk. If they had stepped in and stopped me this whole thing could have been adverted.

So, I had been in therapy because of all this: my mind cannot accept the torture of it all.

This saboteur: Joe is his name, stay out of other peoples business! It is between husband and wife, stay out!! How would you like it if I meddled into your marriage and your life? Also don't you think it would have been appropriate to approach me first about all this?

As to my Ex: For better or for worse? I guess when things get tough the tough get going, what I did was not necessarily grounds for divorce, some people have full blown affairs and they are still together. **** happened in Iraq and his chain of command was coming down hard on him at this time and the news of what I did was 'the straw that broke the camels back" so he came down hard on me, after 6 months of dealing with his crap I am the one who actually filed for divorce, and moved out, after awhile he went AWOL, got out of the army, and about a year later I found out that he is in prison and that he actually tried to call ME when he got arrested, wow, you would think that he would call his best buddy Joe, but obviously Joe doesn't care.

Now I am engaged to a hero of mine, a man who will die for me and has actually proven it, for we served in the same company and gotten deployed to a combat zone, the man I should have been with all this time, that is another story. Even though I am with my new love, the past still haunts me and the un-justice of it all, I've had revenge in my heart for Joe, why should he get away with this? He judged me and my ex took his side and let me fall. I'm hoping time will ease this pain and hate, and knowing that I am the innocent victim here, and that I should just let this go, its best to stay the victim and not do anything that will damage my soul.
starcrystal starcrystal 31-35, F 4 Responses Aug 30, 2012

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Would it really help if he apologized? I doubt it. He knows what he did was wrong. You know damn well he watched you the whole night, so he knows you didn't leave with the dude, or even mess around with him. Joe is one of those ****** up people that doesn't believe other people can have a life more normal than his. So he looks for flaws in others relationships and such, to make himself feel better about having a ****** life, or to give him and guys something in common they can talk about. **** Joe. Even if he did apologize, you should just spit in his face. **** it. You can dance with someone, your're at a club for crying out loud. I guess it matters somewhat what kind of dancing it was, but generally, nothing wrong with dancing. It sucks your man took it like he did. That hurts, I'm sure. Be glad you didn't have kids with him already. You'll never just get over the letdown feeling,or the pain and shock you felt by your man. The unbelieveable feeling of abandonment you must have felt.

I wish you luck with your new love. I hope it is true love. Don't loose yourself in a convenient relationship. It will only keep you more depressed. Hope things look up. Good luck with everything.

I am still really angry at Joe, everyday I get so mad, what if I didn't have family or anyone to fall back on, he ruined my life, I had to start all over again, but now I'm mentally screwed in the head, I know it sounds naive but all I want his Joe's acknowledgment that what he did was wrong and an actual heartfelt apology to me. It would release hate and anger and start the healing process. I just can't get over what he did to me.

If your ex was willing to divorce you over "dancing" then you are better off without him. Reading this, i wouldn't be surprised if he had told his pal that he wanted to be free of you and had him arrange whatever he could just so he would have an excuse, that you were set up by your ex, not his pal.
Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes in life, yours wasn't dancing, it was that you and your ex weren't a good match.
Your life follows a path, and your ex was a rough patch, but you couldn't have arrived at the happy place you are at now without walking that path. It is bittersweet, but it was necessary to get where you are now.

i hear you. you are a brave girl. keep it positive i don't c what you did was any wrong. People do have a right to enjoy.