Death Vs. Divorce – Is Our Compassion Balanced?

A question I stumbled across recently when someone asked, “Why don’t people show the same compassion to divorce as they do to death?” a question that has a very fine line in being right or wrong but a question none the less that can have very different views when looked at on the other side of the fence.

Within Divorce and Death there are strong similarities in both concepts. Each both share an aspect of grieving, as aspect of loss, and practical adjustments that span varied timeframes. They both involve immense pain, and a fear of the unknown of what lies ahead.

Divorce although is not someone physically succumbed to death, however it involves a type of death, a matrimonial death, and a dying of a once healthy relationship. However it is very much a different context.

Perhaps Divorce and Widowhood is like apples to oranges. Both a type of fruit and similar shape but completely different texture, taste and colors. So comparing the two can be an incorrect judgment, but relating and understanding they are both circumstances of grief can be fair enough.

I read a blog from a Lady who did not feel she had compassion reached to her throughout her divorce, but her widowed friends were showered with compassion. Rather than support she felt withdrawel from her friends and an unspoken shift of blame from people’s eyes, which grew her isolation, which was a constant interference in her efforts to re-establish her life. She wrote suggesting there is a grieving cycle with losing a lost one but with divorce the cycle never ends.

From the Other side of the fence I saw a response of a lady who was a widow. She spoke of the struggles she faced as a widow. She rose her opinion that At least when one is divorced, very often the ex is available to provide some kind of economic or social support. This was not a possibility for her.

A pain from People experiencing Divorce can be that their spouse chose to leave them, rather than it being taken away with love still in a relationship.

But I believe whether death or divorce, neither should be pointed as one worse than the other. People will always have their different opinions but everyone will agree that neither is desirable, and should ever get into the thinking for one minute that they are better off with the other option.

Each circumstance have a level of grieving in different ways, Both involve the loss of a spouse, but the circumstances, generally speaking, are dramatically different.

A more effective statement can be to consider the compassion you show to both circumstances. Compassion is a powerful emotion and action that can assist people in their current turmoil’s. Compassion should be given out regardless of blame or fault.

People feel pain on different levels and in different situations but no one deserves to be withheld from compassion due to those. The ways in which people find new footing can not always be anticipated, but a way in which will help them get there is when compassion and support is available to them in whatever struggle they face…

Till next time!

Lots of hugs
Adele
nakeddivorce nakeddivorce
31-35, F
3 Responses Sep 5, 2012

I agree that having compassion and just being there for your family and friends, and not being judgmental is the best response to all of the circumstances. And if in some way you can offer a helping hand or be supportive, all the better.
What ever happens in life, people need people to lean on.

I go further and compare divorce to war and just as people do what they need to do to survive in war they need to have a similar mindset when it comes to divorce. I am not a ruthless or even very aggressive person by nature but once I started on the road to divorce i walked into a ruthless situation. We were supposed to get a simple dissolution but they started by asking for what amounted to 80% of my net income. When my wife was going to have custody of our son she was asking for 500 a month in support. When he refused to live with her I get 314 a month in support if you can call it that as they only subtract it from the support I am giving her. She now gets close to half of what I bring home if you consider the medical expenses but if I wanted to get a divorce it would cost an extra 500 or more for health insurance and the amount deducted for child support once my son leaves home.
Divorce is like war and perhaps that is why people view one party as good and deserving of support and the other party as something to be either despised or at best ignored.

That was well great I love how you make a touchy and a bit complicated argument into some easy to understand I cant wait till next time