23 Years Of Marriage Gone

I got divorced last year after 23 years of marriage. My wife initiated the proceedings as it was she who wanted out. I still don't really understand how and why it happened, her reasons doesn't make complete sense. I admit that I am no angel and sometimes a very difficult person to live with but at one time we were seen as the perfect couple by most people who knew us. Strange how things can fall apart if you don't keep a close eye on it. Anyway, I don't want to write a book about the how, why and what.
Over the last year I tried to work things out and maybe reconcile. Today I got a mail from her saying that she is choosing the new guy in her life and I should accept that. Guess I have to face facts and move on.
This brings me to my question - How do you move on after 23 years ? What do you do ?
I am 46 years old, my kids are grown up and at this stage I am not interested in a relationship with someone.
What would be my choices any way. Women my age are normally divorced as well with their own issues and baggage and I can't really see me with a younger woman. I do not want to deal with someone else's kids and the women who doesn't have kids yet will somewhere along the line want kids which I cannot give her nor would I want to have another child at my age.

Am I just bitter or am I screwed and have to accept that ??

RichardsDick RichardsDick
46-50, M
7 Responses Sep 17, 2012

I was married for 23 years on the day I got my divorce. He was the love of my youth - there wasn't any baggage or jadedness or sad wrinkles under our eyes from tearful nights. We were young and full of hope and very in love. When we married we both gave everything we had... our talents, our strengths. We built a successful life together. Now it's all gone, like looking at the aftermath of a hurricane that destroys a beautiful city. What once stood tall and proud and shining has been flattened and is no more. No, I don't feel like starting over again. It took me 23 years to get to the place I was with him - all that effort and time. No, I don't want to support someone else's children, drug habit, alcohol addiction, indebtedness, or family drama. I realize that I will never EVER experience love that way again...the love of your youth in your naiveness, idealism, and being free of emotional baggages - allows a person to commit fully and more strongly than you ever could at this late hour. Do I know what you're talking about when you ask if you're jaded? You bet. Do I think you're wrong? Not on your life. As for me, I have just accepted that my time is "over"... everyone has a time to love and my time has come and gone. After all, we can't expect to feel in love with it's freshness and rush every day of life... there is a season for all things.

I truly feel for you. Went through the same 18 months ago. He left me after 25 years and 3 children. Just want to let you know that it can and does get better. 1 day at a time. There is happiness after divorce even if you choose to be alone. I admit it is the worst thing I ever went through and would not wish it on anyone. But life will get better. Do something nice for yourself, every day, and be grateful for the small things life has to offer.

You're not bitter, you're hurt. View this as a death of a relationship. Once you accepted that you can begin to move your own direction. Don't fret relationships right now. They will come along when your heart is ready.

Mine lasted 23 years as well. I'm glad it's over.

Give yourself time. None of us are angels and as the old saying goes, it takes two to tango meaning it took both of you to pull apart.

Good luck and God bless. Write me privately if you want. My email is veryticklishsoles@yahoo.com


Thx everyone for the words of wisdom. I have made the decision to move on. I am going to try to find myself again, so from now on there is only going to be three people in my life " ME, MYSELF and I "
It still doesn't hurt any less but I suppose it won't get any better if I keep on dwelling on my own misery therefor I made the decision to concentrate on myself for now and see what the future holds. Some people may call this crazy but I have resigned my current job as well because it also added to my being unhappy. There is a slight chance of a new job but I can go for two or three months without having to worry too much about finding new work. Maybe this will help me take a job that I want instead of taking a job because I have to have an income and be the provider.

Any way wish me luck and good luck to everyone else who is going through the same..

Ha! We women can say the very same about 40-something year old men with baggage! Lol, but at our age, it is just a fact!! Here is the GOOD news....you don't have to do anything right now! Try this...just heal take however much time you need to feel hurt, angry, resentful, bitter, sad.....then one day you wilL wake up and be free from it all. You just will. And then you know that whatever happens next, or whomever you meet next has a fair chance to not only prove herself
to you and earn your trust and love, and you will be willing to let her try...true
Love is worth the wait....

Ever considered a little psychotherapy? You seem to have lots of expectations (read rigid) of others and maybe less of yourself. Knowing yourself better and why you tick the way you do may bring you a lot of clarity in your situation.

It's just life... can't plan it all out .....just gotta live it & see where it takes you. Good luck!!!! Try to enjoy ......