The Blame Game

Blaming someone is not taking responsibility for your own actions.

This is the first story I share about my divorce. It's been really difficult to know where to start. So much has happened, I could write a book about it. At this time I just want to share about blame. Because it is the one things that seems to be lingering.

Over the 25 years of being with him I carried blame a mile high for many things, some small, some more significant. When he threatened me I was to blame. He would sometimes even ask me to apologize for standing up for myself because I was to blame.

I did not choose to leave my marriage. I very much loved my husband. He chose to leave me. It was a very difficult situation. He was going through major depression. I was to blame. He started abusing his anxiety medication and started doing drugs. And somehow I was to blame. He started seeing other women, and I was to blame. After he had me out of the house, he was arrested on a DUI and drug possession and he lost access to our children. I was to blame.

I fought for custody to keep my children away from the drug abuse and the different women in his life and I succeeded in my efforts to have full custody. I was to blame.

He filed for bankruptcy, I had to sell the house and am left paying for the balance of joint debt. He has no credit and is having a hard time living off his salary because he has to pay child support. I am to blame.

My daughter has anxiety issues because of the difficult separation, I am to blame. My oldest does not want to see his father, I am to blame.

After all is said and done...I forgive and he blames. Everything was his choice, his doing. It's what he wanted...he wanted to be free of all responsibility. He has that now.... and I am still to blame.

I choose to forgive. Today I do not accept the blame, it does not belong to me. He needs to learn to take responsibility for his choices and his actions.

I choose to follow my own path and my own truth. I am happy to be me, I am happy to be free.


elifree elifree
41-45, F
1 Response Jan 15, 2013

Your husband is Narcissist. Forgiving and moving on is the best thing to do.

Yes I have done research on Narcissism, it has helped me understand many things and yes he is...what gave it away?
Thank you for commenting. :)

I have read two books about it because my soon to be ex wife is one too.