Re-Birth With Divorce

At 21, I married a "christian" guy that I met when I was 17 and a freshman in college.

I never really dated anyone else, so I never realized that I could be treated much better than he treated me.  He was fascinating at first, smart, and funny.  But later he became controlling, violent, and neglectful.

Over the course of our relationship, he minimized my accomplishments, criticized me, and ignored me.  Then there were periods where he was the greatest guy ever.  It was odd and left me confused.  He always promised he'd do better and say he was sorry.  He punched walls, kicked a hole in my bedroom door, shoved me down, chased me through the house and held me down on the bed while screamed in my hear telling me it was my fault he was angry...and then he switched to screaming in my ear that he loved me, all while holding me down as I begged him to get off me.  He told me he hated me. 

He was a **** addict, and preferred ************ over sex, and usually snuck around to do this.  He created excuses not to have sex, and then I learned that he'd filled 2 full hard drives with **** movies.  He constantly admitted he had an addiction and said he would quit, but I can't tell how many times I walked in on him "enjoying" his addiction.  It hurt me because I was available and in the house, but he never entertained the idea.

He started his own **** site, but his family still thought he was a saint.  They'd never believe if I told them.  He spent hours designing the site dedicated to his favorite **** interest, which happens to be a particularly degrading act to the woman involved (and I'm about as liberal as it gets in this arena).

He bought cars without consulting me.  He generated large amounts of debt, but grilled me when I wanted to buy something for myself that was $10-$20.

I felt I should be forgiving and understanding, and I wanted to believe him every time he said he'd change.

And then I was so sick that I needed to go to the hospital.  He was 2 hours away, and said he didn't want to come home to take me to the hospital or help take care of me.  I spent a week sick and alone, and fortunately I was able to find a neighbor who could help.

If I parked the car and it wasn't perfectly centered, he'd make me re-park it.  He criticized how I pronouced words...because I didn't say them with a southern accent like he did.

We were married 5.5 years, and I spent the last 4 of those years trying to decide if I should leave.  Every time I was about to leave, he'd convince me and plead with me to stay.

Finally, I asked him why shouldn't I leave.  He said because he likes having me around.  That's it.  Nothing about love.  Nothing about anything else.  He was just used to me being there.

I left him, and found an amazing amount of confidence in the years that followed.  I hardly believed the compliments men gave me when I started dating because I had so rarely received compliments before.  I believe in myself, and I'm a strong person now.

I never thought I would be a person who would get divorced, but now I see how things happen behind closed doors that the rest of the world never sees.  I know what I did was right for me, and I'm now able to live a happy life.


TrottingGodiva TrottingGodiva
26-30, F
3 Responses Jul 28, 2007

Good for you, there is no way how you can tell at a young age how a marriage will turn out. But know this no one could have told you. Human whisper

Re-birth after is right and freerational is spot on. Nobody deserves to be treated like yesterdays newspaper at another persons whim, let alone how you were treated. This person clearly had mental issues and his obsessions and outbursts and such were simply symptoms of his disease. <br />
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Unfortunately, it sounds like his family is a bunch of enablers, no matter the reality of his situation. If ever there was a clear case for divorce, this was it. He would have just killed you over time and that would not even have to be the result of anything directly physical - but simply from being exposed for so long to his venomous poisons. <br />
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You are to be congratulated for having the courage to act before he had the time and chance to cripple your will to do so.

Good for you! I've known many women in similar circumstances who have not had the nerve to leave. You deserve a much greater happiness that what he could have offered you.