Getting Ready to Take the Divorce Path

 For all of you that have been there and taken this journey, I would appreciate your input.

 

Would you do anything different?

 

Absolute must do's?

 

Absolute must NOT do's?

 

Any regrets?

 

Is it hard being single again?  Are you lonely?

 

Thanks for your answers.

invisiblewife invisiblewife
41-45, F
4 Responses Feb 18, 2009

Fallentower is dead on the mark on everthing. Make sure you have tried to save the marriage and at that point there is no reason you can't call it quits. Do it for you and you only, if there is someone else they may loose interest when you start taking action. I was the one that left and only got to see the kids a few times a week so yes there is could be some loneliness, but find things to do and get involved with other things. If you stay home and feel sorry for yourself it's only going to get worse. Being single is not bad if the other option is being miserible with your spouce. <br />
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The last bit of advice is if you have made up your mind don't let them try to talk you out of it. If you tried everything while married, after you have filed nothing is really going to change, expect they are going to be forever mad at you for overturning there apple cart. <br />
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Good luck.

Thanks fallentower.....good advice....I just called and got on my old therapists calendar again.....! :) I haven't seen her for almost 10 years.....so I told her I was signing up for some routine maintenance! :) I am seriously looking forward to "me" time....haven't had that.....ever.....and what is that exactly?? :)

hear you bent.....I am sick...literally of living according to his moods and not knowing what to expect next.....lonliness at times seems like a blissful reprieve from the chaos... I will have my three girls with me...I have raised them myself so that is not going to be much of a change.. How young were your kiddos? Any advice about that aspect? Did they go to counseling?

I've been separated once and divorced once (my first wife passed away suddenly before the divorce could be filed), and there are a few things I can recommend before you commit to filing:<br />
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1. Go to counseling, or at least suggest it. It may or may not work, but at least you know you tried. Even if he doesn't go, go for yourself. It makes a difference.<br />
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2. Make sure there are no "outside influences" during the process. In other words, if someone has caught your eye during this time, the best thing to do is keep them away until you know for sure. <br />
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3. Do NOT leave your husband for someone else. Been there, done that - it never, ever works. <br />
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4. I was lonely at first, true, but then I enjoyed my time being single. (I have since remarried.) Make sure you have some "you" time before getting seriously involved with someone again. If you can be happy living by yourself, then you're much more likely to find happiness living with someone else.<br />
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5. I always had some regrets about how maybe I could have done this or that better, but in the end, you have to let all of that go in order to move on. <br />
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Hope this helps some. There's tons more...feel free to PM me if you like.