For years I knew my husband was abusive. I listened to all these voices in our culture that say things like "no one's perfect", "you should see what I have to put up with", "part of what women put up from husbands" and other stupid comments.
My husband has almost never had more than a minimum wage job. He was very controlling. I went back to school and got a career and made money for us. He liked spending my money but complained constantly that I was not domestic enough for him.
In his family women are perfect housekeepers. Some of them can barely read or write, but who cares - they know "a woman's role". No one has ever graduated from college in his family.
We were living in a drug infested neighborhood. We heard gunfire every day. He didn't think anything of this. But I said "our family cannot live this way". When I got a better job we moved into a safe neighborhood.
None of that was good enough for him. His controlling abusive ways are disgusting. Of course, all while spending my money.
I wasted a lot of years with this monster. Don't do this. If you see these patterns, get a divorce and don't wait. I am still young enough to do something with my life but just barely.