I have been married to a controlling, manipulative, and emotionally abusive husband for 20 years. He is 10 years older than me and I was only 20 when I married him. I never recognized his behavior as abusive until just this winter 2011. We had relocated to a different state and was staying at home until the kids got settled. Being alone with my thoughts, I started to realize how controlling he was as his behavior became worse. I became unhappy until I didn't feel any love toward him anymore. I began to want my independence more and more and when I told him I wanted to visit some old friends out of state, he became very angry and told me he wanted a divorce. I did end up going to see my friends but the day I was driving home he just kept calling me and texting me with what felt like threats to me. It made me so crazy and unhappy, I told him I wanted to end things as soon as I walked in the door. That's when his behavior got even more out of control. The next day, he went to work only to come home a few hours later to tell me how much he loved me and how he couldn't live without me. It scared me. The following day he did the same thing only he told me he wanted counseling. I had mentioned counseling to him before but he insisted there was nothing wrong and that we don't need counseling. When I told him that day I wasn't interested in counseling, he just went crazy and started screaming. He left the house for 20 minutes only to return and hug me and tell me how sorry he was. He held me so tight I got scared that he was going to hurt me. I told him I had to get out of the house. He then stared screaming saying he was going to drive his car off a cliff and stared talking about ending things. He told me to get out of the house and to not let the kids come home because he didn't know what they would find. I got so scared that he was going to hurt himself and I ended up calling the police from my car since he wasn't picking up the phone. As I was driving around I noticed him getting in his car and driving off. I went home and waiting for the police. When the officer got there I told him what happened. As the officer was leaving he noticed the hand-written suicide note left on a table in the house. There was also another note on his computer. My husband ended up being picked up by police and taken to a hospital. They only held him until he underwent counseling that same day. Alot has happened since then, he has extracted a private email from my computer and has threatened to publish it online and send it to all my friends, he has threatened to destroy my life and reputation. He always had spyware on my computer and since we were living together, he was always watching what I was doing and asking me for answers. I filed earlier this year and he has moved out but still won't let go. He also had a locator device on my cell phone and has threatened to go to my job. He text messages me and keeps calling me. He just won't leave me alone. I don't know how to stop it because I'm also afraid of what he'll do to me if I don't answer the phone or texts. He is really obsessed and always makes me sound like everything is my fault. He refuses to accept any blame. He has threatened to kill himself 2 other times as well. All he does is sit around alone and think and threaten me with how he is going to hurt me worse than how I hurt him, how he is going to make me hate him and is going after everyone else involved. I don't know what to do. I just want out and want him to accept it. Everytime I go out he says I'm neglecting my kids. He is constantly making me feel bad about myself. He just won't let me be happy and move on. He refuses to move on as well and everytime I mention it he gets mad as well. He says he won't stop until everyone is ruined especially me. I wish he would just accept that I don't want to be married to him anymore. He doesn't think there is anything wrong with him. It's all me according to him. I just can't live this way anymore.