Reality Has Set In....

I have now come to stark reality & conclusion that I too am now ready to divorce my controlling, emotionally abusive husband.

I started the procedures back last August 2011, and was guilt ridden, mad to feel neurotic, uneasy, like I didnt know what i was doing when he convinced me otherwise. He made me a nervous wreck.  I wanted to be fair, play nice....TO HELL WITH HIM!

He such an %$%# hole.

It escalated this past weekend, when my child overheard him calling me names ( He has been calling us names both me and my kid for quite some time- I has hurt her feeling verbally because he is mad with me and TAKES it out on HER).

This has been his mindset all along, I guess its just now surfacing and rearing its ulgy head of how he truly thinks of me.

He made the comment of moving out of the house, letting it foreclose and moving closer into the CITY......NOT. Why would  I want to LIVE with him, move with him.  Whats the point of me being free from him. When he was mentioning all this trash I really could not SEE myself going with him or STAYING with him.

I WANT OUT!

His control freak nature, his paranoid attitude, his self-righterous BS, holier than thou attitude, his provoking, his condescension....HAS REALLY GOTTEN THE BEST OF ME!

It has taken its TOLL to where I cant stand looking at him. Let alone touching, talking, or being in the same room.

I've reached my LIMIT...enough is enough!

I aint willing to go to no counseling, because he would only flip the&^% and make it my FAULT.

Let me mention that I went through this process last summer and he called my work sloppy and gave me all kinds of HELL is an understatement. Here I was tryin to save money, since I knew the fool didnt have any, and use my paralegal skills to type over 20something odd forms and over 30something odd pages of court records only for this FOOL to tell me I did a bad job......that's the STRAW that broke my damn BACK.

Fast forward to May 20, 2012.

Our 16-17-18th year anniversary came and left, he made no plans to CELEBRATE nor did I go out of my WAY to CELEBRATE with him.

Mother's Day came and no gesture, gift, kind word was said. It's all good. ( I got a special treat already that made me realize I wanted out!)


He has condemn me to my child one time TOO MANY, told her I has not a good mother. Made me to feel inadequate, less of a female, undeserving for a couple of years now. IT STOPS TODAY!

I am now in the midst of revising all date, info from August to June 2012 in which I will start the filing.  I AM NOW GETTING MENTALLY PREPARED to cut this fool away from me.

And this time I am not settling.....I am not going to feel compassion, I now going to feel GUILTY, I am not going to give him the option to HAVE  VOICE  when I am not a good women (I am) .  TOo deseving, too loving, to  happy to continue to say with MISERY.

Since I aint nothing, I want all legal matters, property, whatever that I am entitled to this time.  I was a nervous wreeck, scared out of my wits the LAST TIME.


NO MAS!

ITS ON,
chie5189 chie5189
36-40
7 Responses May 21, 2012

I am going thru the same thing. I'm terrified.im so dependent on him which he had planned along. I'm sick of being called names, made to feel stupid or a bimbo. I'm sick of everything being my fault. Im tired of apologizing for things I that are his fault. I'm so so tired of this ******* rollercoaster. Hasn't came home for days. Won't answer phone won't text me and left me on my birthday. He humiliates me, downgrades me and everything in between. And ya know what? He blames me for our whole entire failing marriage. Its all my fault. He doesn't do anything wrong. Not! He is wonderful to everyone but me. Oh.... he can be very awesome.... treat me like a queen for weeks on end. The something happens and he turns on me. Usually when I have an opinion or want to talk about my feelings,the finances... anything that he doesn't agree with turns him into Jekyll and hide. And its all my fault. Not. I'm not perfect either but I don't verbally abuse him, degrade him, cut him down. He has no empathy for me at all. Hes cruel. Mean. I'm so devastated. I feel like I'm going crazy. This is a nightmare. My 3rd and last divorce. This one just blew me away. I also have a suspicion hes doing drugs. It seems like a pattern. binges. But who knows? He says I'm crazy, psycho,mentally ill, and it goes on forever. After 8 years I'm finally getting it. This is him. Its never ever gonna change. I'm just sick!!!!!!

It is such a comfort to know that others are in the same boat. I am weeks away from filing and already retained the attorney. From calling me a ***** under his breath months ago to this new calculating politeness as he now knows that I willm it is very eary and the guilt is in me but i just have to think of the last 13 years of hell while raising twin boys and the only word that comes to mine is ONWARD.

Hey ladies I am married for8 yrs to a verbally physically financially abusive and controlling man. We live in his house bought after marriage and have 2 cars . My older child is 7 yrs old and younger s 2. Acc to my husband I am worthless useless human being. I am stay at home mom and a very good mother. But my husband has never given me any rights as that of a wife. I can't buy clothes for myself can't buy clothes for my children have no allowance, can't take up a job, can't make friends etc let is endless. For all my basic needs I have to ask my brother to support it, <br />
When I try to talk to him abt this, my husband gets abusive, calling me and my family names, threats to hurt me and my family etc.<br />
Am done with him and really wanna move out.<br />
I have been reading all your great stories but wanna know what should be my first step in leaving him. Ave read that if I leave him all of a sudden and take my kids out, my family is 4 hrs away from me , can we o to them? Wd it be called abandonment and wd affect my custody battle?<br />
If yes what s the other way of doing it, has anyone of u stayed in your home and filed and fighter your battle, how to follow it legally?<br />
My family is. Big support for me and is always with me, can't I be with them at peace?<br />
And how id u ladies prove the level of abuse u had been facing!

...any recordings, written journal notes, any thing that can be used as papertrail helps.

Aft he calls you names in front of your kids; perhaps getting the child to say it back in a tape recorder with a date, time stamp as record.

Receipts that show or don't show what he controls and spends.

A video recording of you having a daily blog in which the abuse is provided on camera.

Its time to use your woman instincts &amp; fly,

You are blessed to be able to leave. My husband is verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Hate is a strong word but I am really starting to hate him. I don't have any family or nowhere to go, so I just try to go along to keep the peace but he still finds a way to make everything my fault. No matter what I do, it's never good enough. He makes the rules and he breaks them whenever he feels like it. The scary part is that he has a very charming personality in public but behind closed doors it's like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.

R2001:

I am in the midst of leaving; needing to file paperwork and its not getting any easier or better.

I guess you will find the answers to your puzzle and begin to find your true peace &amp; happiness soon.

Until you decide...stay/be STRONG!

don't give up,

Good for you!!! you stand up for yourself. I envy you though. I am now in a troubled marriage. My husband cheated on me two years ago and I still can't get over it. We tried to talked it out and nothing seems to work. Now were like emotionally unattached.<br />
I tried to talk to him about him neglecting me. Were almost 15 years together and have a 14 year old daughter. I am thinking of separation. I am not a jealous person before now I am. I am doubtful and fearful. When talked to him how I feel it becomes an argument and he will get angry and he will hurt me just to shut me up. And after that it will be all my fault because I have to open the problem again. We do not do anything together anymore, he is not thoughtful anymore and we do not have sex anymore either. Should I really considering separation? I am scared I am all alone in this country and no close friends at all.

Y14:

You're at the right place. We are here to support and offer words of wisdom and some hard knock stories of how we did it....You too can do it. But first you have to make up in your mind what is it that you want to do? Stay? or Leave?

it is very hard with a child, just recently my child had to fight with her own father and now she sees the ways, and had contested me earlier about leaving.

What are you afraid of? Not finding love again? Being alone? Something is holding you back?

Time is short, life is def.short and you must make a decision soon! Decide Y14...decide

YOLO,

Good work getting to this point, rushmei. It isn't easy, I know. <br />
<br />
I am in the middle of divorcing a man that sounds a lot like yours. The kids share our DNA so I'll have to deal with him but at least it can be on my terms - he can't harass me for six hours until 3 a.m., calling me names (in front of the kids or not - what did he care? He knew how that made me feel, he'd just turned it up a notch), threats to my employment (because as he said "no job, no kids!"), threats to not love me anymore (way too late for me to care about that one), etc. <br />
<br />
I am lucky, because he doesn't know where I am living after I moved out thanks to a domestic violence program. It feels extreme but I couldn't risk any more exposure in my home to his crazy a**.

wow.....I am deeply touched by your remarks!

The funny thing, is that I should know better...because I too am a product of both a divorce family and domestic violence that my father did to my mother.

Its crazy that I am again getting those same ole compassionate feelings - like maybe I shouldn't, maybe it will be alright. But I know in reality....ITS TIME!

inspire me AW.....inspire me!!

Good luck...I tried to be firm but considerate but it did not pay...I got just left overs and no money..I was awarded it but he is in contempt of court and chooses not to pay any of it (according to him I don't deserve anything)...so stay strong and good luck. You are doing the right thing for you and your child...you deserve to be treated like you matter.