I Am Divorcing My Controlling, Emotionally Abusive Husband

Should I Tell Him Before I Leave

By: An EP User

Written on February 6th, 2013

I am planning my strategy to leave a 5 year relationship. He yells at me my children throws stuff, most of the time the yelling at me is because someone else did something to make him angry. I see him get excited if the kids do something they aren;t supposed to because he feels justified in yelling at them when this happens. I have even seen him wander around just looking for a reason to be mad, just about everyday when he walks in the door, it is the first thing he does. This is just a small piece of the day to day stuff I deal with, like always waiting on the other shoe to drop the constant feeling of being on a roller coaster. Right now he is being as nice as possible, I think he is suspicious I am planning on leaving. My problem now is I plan to get all of mine and the children things one day while he is at work and not tell him. My guilt for being so sneaky is causing me serious anxiety. The reason for just running away is because the last time I left he was there crying and pleading and promising and I caved, I know it will probably be worse this time since this last year he has spent punishing me for leaving him the first time. So I would like to get some advice am I wrong for just taking off with out a word? I feel sneaky and horrible about it like I am not acting like the adult I am. I know my children are suffering from this relationship and I can not let it continue but I am to scared to look at him and say I am leaving because I believe he will get angry and yell and scream. I am at this point unable to deal with it. Anymore when he starts yelling if feel panicked and my hear starts racing like if I don't fix it something horrific will happen. I am always re-thinking everything I do to make sure I have left nothing out of place so as not to make him angry. Help with suggestions please.

By: An EP User

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8 responses

IusedtobeMrs

Maam. If you tell him, your leaving. What do you think he would do? Hes going to go into the honeymoon phase, and be loving and caring. Then, the tension is going to build and build. You or your kids shouldnt be scared to walk around the house and enjoy life. You feel guility.for keeping your secret, however this secret is going to save you and your kids. Once you leave, dont call him or come back. Hes going to plead and beg you, tell you he misses the kids, he probably does. BUT hes not going to change unless he seeks and remains in therapy. If you need assistanc with food ir finding a safe house, contact your local dhr. Let them kno your situation, you can get $ to buy food. Please please dont tell him

Feb 18
1 like
jt39

Run girl run! Get out of that relationship and get some peace and harmony back. I am a survivor from an abusive marriage (many years ago now and I know the journey that awaits you. You will need alot of healing but you will look back and wonder why you ever stayed. I wish you much courage.

Feb 17
2 likes
Etzy66

It took me 10 years to make the same decision. Could always find an excuse not too.....
But one day, I woke up and decided to fix my life for my kids sake. Not for mine.
Be brave! Stop thinking and just do it.
If you wait to get everyting figured it, you will never leave him.
I walked out of a beautiful house in Atlanta, left my Merc in the garage, just a few dollars in my bank account. And it did all worked out at the end.
It's been 6 years. No regrets - other than I should have done this much earlier!
Don't waste a minute being unhappy. If one window closes - run
to the next window - or break down a door :).

Feb 8
4 likes
- lovedoesnotpossess
  This is so encouraging. Need to hear this again and again. Thank you for sharing.
  
  Mar 27
  1 like
skater1

you are right to do this, your children will be so much more settled as you will, just imagine the silence, no arguing or shouting, no second guessing what you have done, because you know that you have done it right in the first place, no more taking the blame for stuff that is not your fault. No one should have to put up with this abuse, you go girl and good luck, now the whole world is open for you and your children to start to live life to the fullest again. xoxoxox

Feb 7
3 likes
priyanka741

I think before you leave any relationship think about your children future also and every relation facing problems. You may take help from any adviser or astrologer to solve your problems . We know that every problems has solution. So don't worry
_______________________
Love Back By Black Magic Mantra

Feb 7
2 likes
belial259

Do what you plan. You'd be surprised how much the abuse and the walking on eggshells etc really messes with you. The longer you delay the longer it will take to recover.
It's not going to be easy. But it will be worth it in the end. Good luck.

Feb 6
3 likes
7yearsin

Don't feel guilty. You are making the best decision you know, given the circumstances. If you have the means, strength, desire and ability to flee, do so. Don't stay I'd you don't have to. I wish that I was in a position to do what you are planning. You may feel anxious now but that is a far sight better than staying in a situation-relationship that causes you distress and puts your children in an uncomfortable environment.

Feb 6
2 likes

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