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17 Yrs Of Abuse

I was married for 17 yrs. and pysically, mentally, verbally and emotionally abused. My husband had a drinking problem and treated me like a sex object more than a wife. I've had things thrown at me, thrown across rooms, joked, pushed, he would treat me like a ***** around his friends.  I begged him to go for help but he just looked the other way.  We have 3 children together and I saw as they got older how this violence started affected them.  I did leave him it's been 2 yrs now and have been nothing but harrassed with phone calls and text messages,most having to do with sex.  He has been diagnosed with bipolar, obsessive compulsive and an alcoholic. He claims he has changed but I've seen too many times in these past 2yrs that he hasn't.  If he didn't change in 17yrs of marriage he will never change.  He wants me to do what he wants and when I say "NO" he gets very defensive. I am now in counseling because I've been emotional destroyed and very deep in depression.  No matter what he says or does I still feel sorry for him and don't no why because I hate him for what he has done to me. Co-dependency? I need advice!!!!

shell1021 shell1021 41-45, F 3 Responses Jan 19, 2010

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I am truly sorry you are going through this, I understand all to well. Minus the alcohol my husband has been the same to me. I am doing something about it, you can to. I have learned I make the choices for where I am in my life, if I son't like where I am I am leaving , you can to. There are people out there who will help you, look you will find them. Above all do not blame yourself for his actions, you are worth more, he does not respect you because if he did he would not treat you as he does. I have learned to love myself more, you can too.

My sympathies are with you. there are such psycho men in society who don't realise that they are sick and need to change a lot before deciding to go for marriage. if they cannot change they can spend their life correcting themselves and getting married will do no good to the lady he marries or the children they will have . <br />
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again i symathise wih you. <br />
<br />
asad.

Seriously you shouldn't blame yourself and you need to stop feeling sorry for him no matter the amount of love you may have left for him.Sometimes people need change to realise that there is so much more to life and its often only when you know you have lost something that you can force yourself to see the error of your ways or the mistakes you have made.Maybe after a month of him waking up alone he will actually be sorry.