That Song I Don't Want to Write

So the other morning I was laying in bed half awake waiting for the alarm to go off with chord progressions and inklings of lyrics swirling about my semi conscious mind. Those lyrics stayed in my head all day like a god damn pop song, so it was just a matter of time before I wrote them down somewhere and started playing with chord progressions.  I can't decide if I want to go ska with it (it could work) or not, but I'm satisfied with the lead in / bridge I wrote for it.  I'm still playing with chords and the bass line, one guitar or two, what style I want to play it in, editing lyrics, but slowly and by degrees I'm getting somewhere with it.  I keep alternating between working on it and wanting to shelve it indefinitely.  I've been told to shelve it (my original impulse was to just abandon it entirely) which is what I'm still leaning towards.  

I'm all for my music telling a story, for it being personal and intimate, for it being a snapshot of exactly what was going on in my mind or in my heart when it was written.  Not everything has to be caustic social commentary or some smart *** thing I wrote when I was bored/drunk/high.  Thing is, this borders on too personal.  I've spilled little pieces of my soul onto paper and canvas or into lyrics before - this is not a new concept to me.  This goes beyond that.  The more I work on this, the more it doesn't feel like simply pouring my soul out for everyone to see.  It feels more like forcibly ripping the soul from my body and flaying it so everyone can go, "Wow, look at that poor dumb bastard."  The word 'visceral' comes to mind, and I should be okay with that but I'm not.  It has never bothered me before, but like I said, I haven't written anything like this before.   

[Some content was edited out here.  Maybe later, maybe not at all.]

It's either you definitely should play with fire or you definitely should not play with fire.  The $64,000 question this time is whether or not I really think it's that great of an idea to get the kerosene.    

Maybe this is the song I've been waiting 15 years to write, the culmination of a decade and a half full of meanwhiles and almosts and never weres.  Maybe this is the song that I quietly finish and record at home, then bury the ******* thing and never breathe a word about it to anyone for the rest of my life.  Maybe I'll just regret ever mentioning it at all and it will die at that.   

In any case, sorry for getting all deep, brooding songwriter there.  I never wanted to be that guy, online or offline.  If I ever write a story about "the process" or something equally pretentious...just road haul me behind a vehicle until I'm nothing but a pelvis wearing a belt.  Please and thank you.

DoctorBastardo DoctorBastardo
31-35, M
2 Responses Dec 9, 2013

I like the way you write. Just so you know.


Not this time. And now I'm extra special glad I edited out those two paragraphs. I'd be admitting beyond any shadow of a doubt that I haz feelz and that simply will not do.

And what happened then...? Who-ville they say
That the Grinch's small heart grew three sizes that day!
And then the true meaning of Christmas came through,
And the Grinch found the strength of ten Grinches… plus two.

Yeah, yeah, keep it up. I will unburden my soul about this **** then go dig a shallow grave to bury what's left of my ego.

*pokes again*

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