Five Years Ago This Morning
[heavily edited, truncated version]

No matter how many times the doctor in the ER or the medics who responded say it wouldn't have mattered if you answered your still takes time to sink in.  It was nearly two years later before I finally forgave myself.  My mother still struggles with it.   

Five years ago this morning, damn near to the hour in fact, my grandmother died.  She had a heart attack, and had no history of heart problems.  She'd just retired a couple of years earlier, 69 years old, and had been spending a lot of time with her younger grandchildren and her great-granddaughter.  12 days before xmas, 17 days before her 70th birthday.  I'd just seen her two days prior, stopped by her place after work one evening for a cup of coffee and just to talk and she was fine.  Less than a week after that cup of coffee I'm bearing the casket.      

My phone was on silent that morning.  I had plans (it was Saturday and I knew it was going to be a late night) and didn't want someone texting me at 6:45 and waking my *** up.  Instead I was woken up at 4:50 by someone beating on my door.  On the way to the hospital I'm going backwards through missed calls.  Dad.  Mom.  My sister.  Mom.  Mom.   Grandma.  

She called me before calling 911.  And I missed that call because I had plans and put my phone on silent so I could sleep in.  I haven't fallen asleep with my phone on silent since December 13th, 2008 - I'm not about to let that happen again.  It wouldn't have mattered if I got the call.  I'm no doctor, but as it was explained to me she was dead even if she had the heart attack in the hospital parking lot.  Even so...I'm not missing a phone call like that again.  

DoctorBastardo DoctorBastardo
31-35, M
1 Response Dec 13, 2013

I hope this morning isn't too hard on you!
*not as awkward since you're getting used to it long not letting go any time soon hug*