The Man I Have Become

a friend recently asked me when i first realized i preferred to be dominant in bed. and the answer that followed went more or like this: well, for me since i can remember i always was overwhelmed by women. so much so that i felt inferior and actually mimicked certain vocal inflections and hand gesticulations. at one point in my early teen life when i was having a very hard time with girls, i was even confronted my by my mother once asking me if i was gay. i was shocked at this, not because of the negative stereotypes of being gay, but because i deeply i worshiped women, so it just truly shocked me. for me it was simple, you emulate that what you find attractive, at least at that time i felt that. okay, so it would then be of no surprise to you that i was raised by a single mother and had never met y father and this had no male role model of how to be empowered in a masculine way. also, my mother who i idolized also had to dominate me as the disciplinarian of the family and so that only served to further ingrain in me that the woman was supposed to be in control. so i was destine to be a late bloomer when it came to truly owning my masculinity. but not just yet, for relationship after loving relationship i was trapped somewhere in between being a dom. and a sub. for the very act of physically being a heterosexual man is to be at least somewhat dominant. however, i was very insecure still, so the only way i really knew a girl was into me was if she was aggressive somehow. i needed her to show it clearly and consistently for me to fall into my role as a man. this reliance on feminine sexual assertiveness probably played heavily into my being a virgin till nearly 20 and then finally losing my virginity to a woman 17 years my senior. fast forward, so i got my heart broken hard a few times to many and i was tired of feeling like i was under a womans power all the time. for typically she decided when it was sex time and not. she decided what kind of sex she wanted, whether a "quicky" or long and passionate, or just oral, or whatever, and as much as i liked any kind of sex, i hated this. so finally i said **** it. i had broken up with my last girlfriend and had nothing to lose in my mind, so i thought to myself that the next relationship, i was going to do it my way and so long as it wasn't a rape (real rape turns me way off btw) i was just going to do what i pleased. now to me that just doesn't just mean for me bending her over and ******* her, though that sometimes has been known to happen. though more that i decide (most times) when we have sex or not, i decide what i want, the possession, the duration, etc. and if she wants it a certain way she needs to ask for it, maybe eve beg for me to give it to her, or let her give me a certain pleasure. the best analogy i have come up with thus far is that it is a lot like dancing. what i mean is, i am just taking the lead and together we are making it work. it looks like i am in control, but i know that it is merely a dance. sure i am leading, but without someone who knows how to follow, and support my lead, it means very little and the sex will be crap. so to recap on how i came to my being dominant sexually, one day after a terrible breakup i just decided that what i was doing wasn't  making me happy, and that the next relationship would be different from the start. i just got tired of being handed sex like a puppy is handed treats. i decided that day, that i was going to take what i needed from then on. for the most part i have done just that, and i have never been happier with my sex life. and i guess that you will just have to take this man's word that the ladies that have chosen to be my partners are also happy with the man i have become.
CopperCoil CopperCoil
36-40, M
4 Responses Aug 9, 2010

What a thoughtful and caring way to look at it! "like dancing"...I don't think I've ever heard a guy talk about sex like this before, actually putting thought into why they want what they want, or do what they do. It gives me hope there's more out there like that! :)

*applaud* In my opinion, sex is almost all about self-esteem. It is how you see yourself getting reflected, and specially seen when you let yourself believe you are in-fact, the BEST...and thats how you become the best ... Well deserved to take the reins in your hands and riding your horse. Keep riding.

thanks missS, kee & dee<br />
<br />
and yes kalena and and myth the power & passion sharing is wonderful and very much pleases me and fits in to who i am.

Wouldn't it be good to strike a balance of sorts between give and take. Why choose one or the other...experience both at different times as needed by both people. Can we have the best of two worlds?