My Daddy Is a Test Tube :-)
Posted December 8th, 2007 at 2:55PM
The day after my 18th birthday, I found out that my dad was not my biological dad. In all other aspects he was, and still is, my father--a terrible, unsupportive father, but a father nonetheless. Just because I'm exempted from the genes doesn't mean I'm exempted from the experiences, you know? The man should not have procreated anyway.
So here I am today, almost two years later, and I still don't know who my real father is. I know his height, weight (at the time of donation, that is--it could have fluctuated since then, although that would be really inconvenient of him), eye and hair color, skin tone, heritage, size of his family (a wife and three kids--so I have at least three half-siblings), and some evidence of creativity--although he has several certificates for engineering, he was apparently a poet and a sculptor in his off-time. How nice, though God help us all if I tried sculpting anything other than play-doh.
I want to find him, but...it's just hard. The ***** banks don't see my situation as equivalent to an adoption, or a bum, runaway dad. This man gave me my life; he's a part of me, whether he intended for that to happen or not. Humans are not machines; we are emotional, we are needy, we have desires and curiosity. There's a veil over so much of who I am. How could he--and the bank--think nothing would come from all of this?
They won't release any information on him for privacy reasons. Well...I'm sorry. I understand that people take advantage of other people in this world, but Jesus Christ this moves beyond that. I deserve to know him. I don't even want anything from him; not money, not love, not a 'role-model' that I was deprived of--I'm a grown woman in college! I'm done being raised by anyone other than myself. And if not him, at least my siblings. I mean, c'mon: they're a part of me. Biological ties are so much stronger than, I think, human beings give them credit for.
So that is my rambling, unfinished story. I want to hear everyone else's! (Because I know you're there). :-)
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Interesting story...I don't think anyone thought that a test tube baby would still want to know whom her father was. Blood is blood, huh
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Thanks for the story. My partner and I are considering donor conception in the near future. We plan on choosing a donor who is willing to be known. And we plan on telling the child from an early age (well, it will be difficult to hide since we're both women :)
But I'm interested in hearing the stories and experiences of donor conceived adults. Do you think knowing from an early age, and having a willing to be known donor would have made this an easier reality for you?
Are you for or against donor conception where the donor is willing to be known?
Thank you so much for your response ... -
It is extremely difficult. You never know your true identity and are always searching, always lost.
I was told when I was 16, I was different then the other siblings. I was also given an obit of my donor father, and finally was fortunate enough to see his face. He was my mothers physician. From there, I tried to meet family, only to be rejected, they were not interested in meeting me. I met his widow, she knew about me. They had discussed it.
I am 56 and still lost, always wanting what I can never have, my family.
You can contact me if you want to, I would be happy to answer any questions. If you are going to do this, I would suggest that you know the donor, or at least have his info to pass on to the child, when he/she is old enough to understand. -
I found this post after googling tube baby or something. I am too a tube baby, and I don't know my biological father. I don't know anything about him either, only that he is blue-eyed, like me. This is something that eats at me every single day, the fact that 50% of me if completely unknown. That I'm very different in so many ways from my biological mother too, makes it even harder. Thoughts on how this could be dealt with, or just to talk to someone in a similar situation would mean the world to me.
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