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* Author's Note : Many years ago, when we were still teenagers, my husband and I "lost a child to adoption".  ( We were young, poor, and even homeless a few times.  That, along with with all the issues from our past, just wouldn't have made us very good parents. )   Adoption is like a death for most birth parents, that sadly the world, and sometimes, even our "lost children", don't fully understand.  There is a most overwhelming grief, and a since of profound loss that never goes away.   Even if they"come back", there are all the "lost years" that can never be recovered.  I learned a long time ago - time is an unforgiving, thieving bastard, that answers to no one. 

 

I cried over the stupidest thing today;

you see, it's May 10th,

and almost Mother's Day.

I gave up my baby girl many years ago;

i was young and just beginning to "remember",

and we were poor, and had nowhere left to go.

Found a cute stuffed frog with her baby - for Mama la's den;

only one problem -

my husband's a twin.

So, I bought two - two mothers, two babies;

Out come the scissors - snip, rip,

no "ifs", "ands", "buts", or "may beys".

I ply needle and thread - someone looses, someone wins;

one little mother frog left sad and all alone -

the other happy with her twins.

It's almost Mother's Day'

does she ever think about me, I wonder?

i cried over the stupidest thing today.

 

JusDifferent JusDifferent 41-45, F 6 Responses Nov 24, 2007

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Thank you for the story. I am an adoptee who used to run a support group for birth mothers - long story- but there were none available to lead for awhile. I am so sorry for your loss and I agree while adoption is entered into through grief by every member it is the birthparent who gets no substitute and generally no support. At least this used to be true and I know things have changed with open adoption and Oprah-tization of America. Still just wanted to say thank you for sharing this.

Ive lost babies, but not to adoption, but can relate to some of how you are feeling. Don't know you ever get over them. <br />
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Sorry you went through this :(

Thank you; that is good of you to say - I just wish that she felt the same way. I have REALLY tried in my life to do the right thing, and have wound up getting "kicked in the teeth" for it, mostly. I tell you - it gets old after a while.

I can't imagine how you must feel about this. I know the pain within sometimes must sometimes be more than you can seem to hold. You and I both know you did the best thing for the child in the situation you were in. You could have done what so many have done, not given her the chance at life. But you did and I admire you for your decisions.

Yes, we did "meet" her, and it was a disaster, but that's a whole nother story. Thank you for your kind words of support, though.

Have you every tried to meet the girl you gave up for adoption? It may help to fill the emptiness inside and you could tell her why you gave her up for adoption. Many kids feel they weren't wanted, but not in your case. You wanted what was best for your child, as you were hardly surviving yourself. I commend you for giving your little girl up for adoption. That was Brave, and you did the right thing, don't ever forget that. HUG !