Today's Reason

I found a few lists of things I will have to try in the future. I shall present them for you.

20 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want
fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has
gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling
diamonds".

7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the
prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious
face.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical
sounds all day at work.

14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their
party because you're not in the mood.

16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock
Bottom.

17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot
yelling, "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are
going to have to let one of you go."



WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE ON AN ELEVATOR

1) crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air
in there?"

2) stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting
off.

3) when arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,
then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you
Admiral.

5) meow occasionally.

6) stare At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) say -DING at each floor.

8) say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have
new socks on."

11) when the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) when there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back
for more.

16) ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a
while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then
scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug!" then enforce it.


Hopefully you are as amused as I am. XD
Fearofsilence Fearofsilence
18-21, F
Jul 20, 2010