Cold Caller - The Black Box Tango

True story about those irritating cold callers from off shore Call Centres, I just had another about PPI and claiming back bank charges from your Bank, that reminded me of this.

Normally I would just hang up on these idiots, but I have found a new sport I call "Cold Caller Baiting".

Well, about 18 months ago, I received this call from some foreign guy, claiming that their records stated that my computer had been infected by some internet virus. As I am a bit savey with computers I thought, I am going to have some fun with this.

The scam involves you being `urgently` advised to go online to a mysterious website, where this company (unamed) will gain remote access to your PC and in all good faith fix the VERY Serious threat to your computer.

After listening to his spiel and generally bullshit, so I bought into his scam.

Firstly, he got me to run through various windows options and diagnostics to establish various things that he wanted to like what was the windows version, do I use this do I use that, email address which I gave him some bogus hot mail account. Spent some time in about of good old DoS prompt doing the ping thing. This went on for about 15 - 20 minutes.

Then we started by him directing me to this website in order to log on. This is where the fun starts.

Every time he said can you see the log in screen, I would reply "No just a black square box in the middle of my screen".

After more questions and routing around windows, we would try again and each time I`d say "no sorry just the black box". This went on for another 20 or so minutes before he said he would try again another time.

At this I said;

"What ever this black box is ... I am really worried that it is this virus you called about"

I really laid it on thick about my worries my work, my Bank details and personal accounts and so on. He said he`d talk to his supervisor and try and call me back.

Ten minutes later, he called back and passed over to his supervisor. Again for another 40 minutes maybe an hour we went over and over trying to log on to this site of theirs.

And each time I`d say "No just a black box on the screen" I even added the white flashing cursor as well just for some authenticity.

Finally, the supervisor gave up and recommended I take my PC to an IT repair firm or contact my Internet Service Provider.

At this I said "Thanks for all there wonderful help ... really appreciated it and could you tell me who my Internet Provider is?"

The guy said well that would be the company who installed your internet service.

"Ohhh I said, how does that work when I do not have an Internet Provider?"

He said "What do you mean? what is the modem you are using?" ...

I said "Modem I don`t have a modem, I don`t even know what that is, do I need one? what does it do?"

He said "How do you connect to the internet normally?" I said this is the first time I have tried, I didn`t even know I had the internet until you called.

I remember hearing some quite strong language and the phone being slammed down ... They never called back.

All the time I was on the phone, I was sat the chair having a cup of tea without a computer in site.

That was a fun day.

{Thank you `caller` have a nice day}

EnternalSoul EnternalSoul
46-50, M
2 Responses Sep 1, 2011

haha. So funny! Thanks for sharing!

That is just too good for any words I could type :) Nice to get those callers back who think us people who live in the real world are "Stupid" :)