I Am Emberassed of My Boyfriend...

my boyfriend and i got together on valentines day, it was the most romantic thing...i like him a lot but i barely realized something...i am embarrassed of him because he is over weight. i know i shouldn't worry what people think but i do. he wants to meet my friends but i don't want him to because I'm scared of what they might say. I'm not saying that I'm really beautiful but i think i can do a little better than him and other people might think so too. i need some advise on how not to care what people say...PLEASE HELP ME...!!!!!!!!!

mizzmendoza mizzmendoza
18-21, F
16 Responses Feb 20, 2009

So far I truly agree with IndyJoe's comments below. I'm going through something similar. I am a very attractive female, former beauty queen 3x, pretty face, great body and intelligent. I always dated guys like me but they were often so arrogant and close minded that it was a turn off. I fell for a very sweet, intelligent, short, average looking chubby guy who is great. But I felt like such a jerk for having moments of uncertainty at the idea of introducing him to friends. More so I even found myself getting frustrated at the thought because clearly he was getting cudos for having me on his arm and I thought it wasn't fair. But at the end of the day beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you truly love him than he is attractive to you. And if it's the weight that bothers you encourage him to get healthy with you. Otherwise leave him and allow both of you to find true happiness.

I looked this question up on google because I am going through the same situation. I have a wonderful guy. When we met he was nice he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. I was intrigued by something in him. We began to talk and we have a connection. When it came down to the first kiss. I stopped right in the middle. I just couldn't go through with it. I felt so bad that I tried to make it up to him by forcing myself to kiss him. Then I realized that I never told my friends when I was going out with him so they wouldnt be inclined to meet him. However, I did let them talk on the phone. He is always complimenting me on how beautiful I am and every time I just want to break down and cry. Sex is just out of the question, I just can't bring myself to get aroused. Reading this post has helped me come to the decision that I need to let him go. But it won't be easy. What hurts the most is that one day I may look back and see that letting him go is the biggest mistake I've made. For all of you who read this and think that she is some superficial horrible person, she isn't. She is simply experiencing that although we may want to believe that beauty is only skin deep, we can not get through the semi permeable mebrane.

You have to make a decision on whether you fancy his spirit, only, or the whole of him, physically and spiritually. There was obviously a connection between you two, so you should value that. This is about you, not your friends. Don't worry about what they think or say. You're the one dating the guy, not them.

Funny, I am the opposite. I like fat guys, although I'm slim. I can't get turned on by thin men, so I'd feel the same if I was emotionally attracted to a thin man, as I would not be physically.

Try to weigh the pros and cons. Attraction sometimes builds up with time. But, if, really, he is not your type at all, call it a day and let him go.

....and what's his phone number, btw? :)

Stop hating on this girl, until you're dating someone almost twice your size, its going to be hard for you to relate. Overweight boyfriends cannot do the activities you might want to do, they can't walk or be in the sun for long periods of time, so out goes things like the zoo, and vacations. They can't hold you at night because its hurts them to be in that position. Speaking of positions, I hope you don't like different kinds of sex, cause its going to be you on top, almost always. They don't realize they eat so quickly that it draws attention to them at family dinners. They have back problems, knee problems, joint problems in general, so don't ever expect to go camping... its not that we don't love them. But I can understand her frustration, and you should try too. Its not all about attractivenness.

Well said

I know it's wrong and I know people are giving negative feedback, but I TOTALLY get what you're saying.<br />
I'm dating a guy who is super sweet, funny, and romantic, but something was always bothering me. Recently I realized that it really bothers me that he is overweight. I've never thought of myself as shallow in the least. I have all kinds of friends and I've never been superficial of fixated on looks, but I realized that maybe I've been subconsciously judging people who are overweight. It's probably because I'm thin myself and can't relate.<br />
If I'm being completely honest right now, I'm embarrassed of him, ashamed to be with him in public sometimes, and quite frankly I'm turned off. The guilt was killing me so I've decided to let him go so he can be with someone who doesn't have these feelings.<br />
My suggestion to you is to decide weather you love him enough to deal with these feelings or are willing to let him go. Picture yourself without him. If that's too painful and difficult I would stay with him.<br />
Bottom line: you're not a bad person. Biological attraction doesn't favor overweight people, and society has completely corrupted our vision of attractiveness. It's your job to decide if you want to get over it or not.

I am thin myself but I have people in my family who are overweight. So it's not really something strange to me. However, all my previous boyfriends used to be really thin too. All except my last. He was not only older than me, but he dressed funnily and had a huge pot-belly. And I admit it was weird at first. I wondered what the people at my job would say. But I decided I loved him with all the good and the bad sides, both the yin and the yang. <br />
The thing is, now that it's over, I miss him and I guess I miss some of his "bad" sides most of all. I miss his soft shoulder to rest my head on, his huge hands that kept mine warm, his broad shoulders and arms in which I could hide myself entirely and escape from the world into this loving embrace.<br />
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It is true that if he has health problems, you could encourage him and help him to work on it. But try to find the good sides of his weight as it is. There are plenty!

First off, know that we all feel embarrassed by others at some point in our lives, even the people who wrote the previous posts. However, I agree with a lot of the previous ideas in that if you don't like him that much, it's okay to leave him and move on, because he may find someone else who likes him better and you may find someone else that you are crazy about. Think of it as an opportunity for greater happiness. <br />
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I just turned 21, and I don't know your friends, but if they are shallow, then consider finding friends who are more concerned about what is on the inside and valuing those traits. Your relationships are not their business. Although being overweight is more often than not a health issue, he may be healthy and a little big. I personally am attracted to lean men. It's my preference. It doesn't mean that I can't be friends with larger people, but I want to date men who are lean and who take care of their weight and who are good people on the inside. Don't be angry with yourself for having preferences. Just remember that as much as physical/sexual attraction to your mate is important, loving what's inside is also important, and frankly, even more so.<br />
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I wish you good luck in all of your relationships. I also suggest that you listen to your heart. People say it a lot, but it's because it's true. Your heart is your advocate and it gives you hints so that you can make good decisions and be happy. If your boyfriend isn't making you happy for whatever reason, consider moving on. It's better for both of you. Don't feel like you need to be tied down to anyone. You are free to date and find the person that you will want to be with, no matter what anyone says.<br />
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***** i'm fat, gay, over-weight, 8 inch ****, and proud of it....girl you need to get your **** right or i steal your man because of fat people need to stick together and overcome ******* like you...this society is filled with little like you that always us on how many rolls we have and how much we eat in one sitting...i know we can eat the whole buffet but still come on

The best advice I can give to you is this.....put yourself in his place for a moment. He may or may not have always had trouble finding a girlfriend, I dont know; but if he is like I was then he has lived through alot of hurt, heartache, lonliness, frustration, and disappointment. Now he has found someone who he is into that is also into him (or so he thinks), and he feels like somebody again. He is happy and looking forward to all of the good things which can come from love and relationships. Think how he will feel when he discovers that you are embarassed by him, that you are ashamed of him for the very same thing that he has hoped to overcome and escape through his life....think how you would feel if you were really into him and found out he was ashamed to even be seen with you and chose to impress his friends without regard to your feelings. If you absolutely cannot accept him as he is....let him go because he deserves better than that. Dont lead him on anymore because his feeling will only get stronger and deeper, and the inevitable pain will be even more destructive (the scars it leaves will be worse, more sensitive, and longer lasting too). If you have ANY feelings for this guy at all....you will spare him any future harm and set him free to find someone who will care for him regardless, or you will tell those "friends" of yours to go **** themselves and give him the girlfriend and relationship that he does deserve....the ball is in your court, how will you play it? Oh, and dont give into that "I dont want to hurt his feelings" crap. Keep in mind that he will be hurt if you break up with him, there is no way around it, no way to avoid it. However his hurt will be much greater if he goes on believing in you and this relationship, only to find out that you have been lying to him all along. If the truth has to come out, its better to do it now than later.

If you really feel that way about him then you should break up with him. You're not doing him any favors by staying around with that kind of attitude.

Well, the author of the story did say she wanted help to not be such a...um...yeah. <br />
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I am with a woman, and have been with women who can do better than me. He may think the exact same thing of you. Ever considered that? Perhaps you have a hairy mole that makes him embarrassed. <br />
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Bottom line is, if you dig him, then just let that nonsense go, and roll on with your relationship. You do not (Im guessing) want to be a shallow bitchwagon your whole life. Good luck.

one thing. people aren't going to matter after high school or school w/e. make yourself happy who cares if he is overweight. i dated a fat guy in high school, i'm not ugly.. def. not a "10" but i took him to prom 2x because i loved him. i didn't care what my friends thought they should have been happy for me either way. get over that petty **** and if you are going to let what other people think run your life then you are going to be miserable.

Kylie just said what i was going to say. would your friends prefer you to be with a shallow man who possibly is sitting there thinking "she'll do till i find something better" just because he was more attractive? if so get some new friends.

OMG....I feel so sorry for HIM. I also feel sorry for you because you have been so entrapped in the superficiallity and shallowness that our society and culture promotes and encourages. I agree 1000% with what ThankYouSir said.

Gosh this is such a disappointing post........

Good God!!!! Only YOU can decide to deal or not deal with his imperfections. No one on this earth is perfect and it is wrong for you to be acting this way. Truly loving and caring for someone has nothing to do with the outer beauty of them but the grace and caring nature that make them.....THEM! If it bothers you then let him go and find someone who can appreciate him and value his being not just for what it looks like, but for what he makes you feel and know as his partner in the world.

If you really like him a lot you will not care what he looks like. And if your friends make rude comments, are they really friends? The only concern should be if he is healthy, if it is a serious weight problem then you could encourage him to live healthier, if it is a little overweight and you think you can do better than him...why waste HIS time? You are going to be looking for better all the time and miss what you have already.