I Enjoy Being Emotional
Most people that know me in real life would say that I feel things deeply but am not overly emotional. When I have to I can set aside my emotions and deal with the situation in hand.
There are very few people that have ever seen the full depth of my emotion…very few that I have trusted enough to allow them to see me so insecure. The people that I have trusted with my emotions tend to be people that appear almost cold to those that do not know them – but they are not, they just have an ability to see things clearly, to step back from the situation and see the core. I like that they can appreciate how emotional I am, understand how I am feeling but not be drawn in. If I am drowning in a sea of emotion the last thing I need is someone that is going to throw themselves in too.
I also like that these few can accept my emotions – no matter how negative they seem and not assume that I am referring to them or expecting them to change. When you are in a relationship/friendship with someone you sometimes have negative emotions that at first appear to be surrounding that person and it is great to be able to show those emotions to them and work out the actual cause without worrying that they will get defensive and take offence. They realise that emotions are irrational and that what I react to most strongly at first is not always the problem – I need to work through it and even if at first I make it about them it generally is just how I am seeing things. Those friendships are very special to me and I would be in a way lost without them.
I like to explore my emotions – so while I hate being upset I partly enjoy it because I like to discover what has made me upset – very rarely it is what you had thought it was…usually we assume that our emotions are a reaction to what is going on outside of us. But it is more accurate that our emotions are a reaction to how we perceive the outside world. Our intense negative emotions are more often than not fear based – you need to explore what fear is at play each time. In that way we can start to recognise patterns and recognise what areas we actually need to work on. Without exploring our emotions we become ruled by them – we simply react out of fear – we are no longer rational adults but hurt and lonely little children lashing out in the only way they know how. Once we know where our emotions are coming from we can avoid repeating the same negative patterns that are unhelpful to our lives.
I know – probably have had too much cognitive therapy!! :)
Unfortunately for me – and my one or two trusted friends – I sometimes react emotionally first and then start thinking a while later!! But I usually figure it out in the end!!