Thru The Tears ........ Why Did This Have To Happen On Mother's Day?......

Many of you know that i have been making three trips to my Mom's house daily......for four years. My Mom has been on mental disability since her 30s.....and now, dementia as well.

It was like any other AM visit, with the exception of me greeting her with "happy MOTHER'S day, as I kissed her on the head. Then I watered the bedding plants i bought her for MOTHER'S day.....and we admired them. Then I fixed her breakfast, and will have her over for her special dinner tonight.

I was sitting two feet away from her at the dining table, and she is looking at my face.....

" WHO DO YOU BELONG TO?"

Do you mean who is my Mother?

" YES."

I was born in San Francisco when you were 22..... You are my Mother.

( blank stare, and confusion ) " I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER. I HAVE JUST CLAIMED YOU SOMETIMES. I THINK YOU ARE A STRAY."



On leaving her house, I picked up the cake I ordered....with her name on it....the balloons....the flowers...and the food for tonight.
In the car, driving home....the tears came. My stomach is in knots. My heart aches.....and damned if those years aren't back....
Kathieredart Kathieredart
56-60, F
10 Responses May 13, 2012

Kathie, that must have been very painful. My heart goes out to you. You are a wonderfully kind and patient person.

Thanks from the bottom of my heart....dinner that night was also painful...in fact, I'm not coping very well .... Time to put on the big girl panties.....I get so tired of being strong!

Oh Kat.. You don't have to be "strong" right now... You have a whole lot of support right here. We feel your pain.

Aw, Kath, I'm crying as I type this. Words cannot take away your feelings of rejection. Always know I appreciate your friendship - as too, all the others on EP!<br />
<br />
Air Hugs

Ah Dabby....if we got together, we would be 2 bawl babies . You are a tenderheart...I adore you......

They cannot remember what they say and do. They can be mean in their reactions to others. These people were the most kind and lovable people as you knew them in your younger years. I know the pain you are feeling the frustration and the heartache for the lost you have felt. I am so sorry this happened on Mother's Day.

Thank you so much, and there is much wisdom in what you say....have you been there yourself?

Yes I have in many ways. My mother was never able to hold me, to cuddle me and to breast feed me. She never changed the first diaper, gave the first bath, or treated the first sore and wiped the first tears. The first time I saw her was at graduation and then later she no longer wanted me. I tried to reach out but it was never the same. I was passed from foster home to foster home. So I feel I have been there with you. Xoxo

I'm so sorry...but to quote Joni Mitchell..." Save your smiles and your tears...there're just souvenirs .... They'll make music in your heart."
The sadness we experience, I think, carves out a unique sensitivity that those who have not experienced it....will never have. Adding depth to our character... Wisdom, if you will...and understanding.
Thank you for your comments....and of course I send a hug your way.
You colored my world today.....

My heart aches for you....I hope you can draw strength from your friends and support systems....whatever they may be....take care : )

Thank you Babydoll ( how cute is that! :-)). I survived it, and doing MUCH better today....with the very thing you mentioned.....help from my friends. I did, however, have some wine to get me thru last night's dinner.... But so far today, much better. Oxo

You are way too kind....hey! YOUR wings rock!

And I hope you never understand....because I hope you will never experience a parent losing their mind. And that reminds me....I truly hope your Dad is on the mend. Thanks Penters....oxo

I have no words of wisdom, no way to say I understand because I do not. I will say that you are to be admired and that you are loved. I know these things to be true

My friend Penters....please read what you wrote to me above...and, I return those words to you...because I would say those very words back to you in this time of wanting to comfort you. Thank you for being my friend, my heart aches for you....

Hi Kathie....I'm so sorry. I have been remembering my Mom today. She passed away last June after a two year struggle with dementia. After I read the painful story of what you went through today with your Mom, I went through my blog and re-read some of my own stories, and re-lived a bit...the sad parts and the funny parts of her dementia. Mostly, now that Mom is gone, I am just glad I have a record...of any part of her. I remember calling her, and she wouldn't know who I was, on the phone...and that hurt so much, and it made me cry...that my own mother didn't know me. It was the child inside me, crying for her mother. I should have been crying for her...because she was so lost...so very lost. Even though today was so bad, you will have a few days left to you where your Mom will be "all there". Treasure them, and treasure the time you have left together.

I should have said, too, knowing from my own experience....your Mom has no idea what she is saying. My own Mom used to tell me my Dad was alive again...and then the next day make up stories about how he had died on a cheap airline. People with dementia have no idea what is coming out of their mouths.

Thank you so very much for understanding, and for writing such a tender answer.

Ahhhhhh, and thanks again,Rolle.....I really mean that....thank you for taking the time to reply.

Oh Kathie.....I am so sorry. My heart is just aching for you right now! Were you in front of me now I would just grab you and give you the biggest hug I could. I have no magic words for you to make you feel better...and these things should never happen in a perfect world. Your Grandmother was definitely an angel....But YOU are one as well! And you are loved! (((HUG)))

Who says you don't have the magic words....you are the comfort I need in this moment, you are the model all friends should be made from....you are in my heart, Weekie....and I send love and a hug right back to you....oxo

I DID mean to write years.....my Mother put me up for adoption.....I was saved and raised by my loving, angelic, maternal Grandmother.....who, in my heart was, and will ALWAYS be my Mother.<br />
RIP, GRAM....and thank you for saving me. I think of you every day, but with extra thanks today.