Need Help To Be Less Of A Stick In The Mud...

I'm having problems being sexually open with my boyfriend. He and I became close close friends before actually dating. He's extremely good to me and makes me feel wonderful with not only what he says but what he does.

Here lies my problem, I'm extremely closed off with him in the bedroom. If lights are out and he's guiding the way I'm fine. I thoroughly enjoy it etc. But being spontaneous and me taking lead or anything provocative and doing anything where it's not a dim or dark room I just clam up. I feel totally akward, embarrassed, uncomfortable, not worthy, intimidated, like an idiot the whole nine yards...

He's a very outgoing extroverted person and though I'm a lot more reserved, we still get along great and are very good to and for each other and have a lot of fun. For example; I do not dirty dance in clubs...nor really dance at all, makes me feel uncomfortable...and I really think very poorly of the whole concept of bumpin and grinding on strangers or doin such things in public. He likes to do both but won't touch the other person. Or tries to do it with me in which he will touch me. He doesn't do it now that we're dating out of respect for my feelings but I feel bad bc of my whatever is wrong, I'm not letting him be who he is. There is no question in my mind about his faithfulness or his love for me. But it's like insta pissed if he's friendly with other women, even his long time female friends. He's very friendly to everyone. I don't let him see my anger but sometimes I just want to cry.

We have two friends, a married couple, that are very open about sex and experimenting -- and though I'm open to talk about sex, it's not very detailed or it makes me tremendously uncomfortable. And occassionally he makes comments about yea that's not my gf or something like that. I get really defensive feeling bc I don't know why I'm this way and I wish I wasn't but I'm just not that open. I don't like listening to "sexual rap" where they degrate women and make them out to be a piece of meat, I will not buy or watch **** or attend a ***** bar (which he doesn't like those things either), I'm a very strong, independent person that has been through a lot and had extremely little help from family and pretty much paved my path starting at 17. So there are some things I'm very stuck in my way and upsets me when others do things I'm highly unapproving of and I don't know how to make it go away. (Such as my 17 year old sister getting a tatoo with my mother or my bf getting another tattoo -- which are all very tasteful) I don't want to be this way. I don't want to get so upset when all these lil things occur.

I feel like I'm short changing such a wonderful man and I don't want to continue doing this. I want him to be happy and to be the best for him and give him what he needs and what he deserves.

Any suggestions on what is wrong with me? Why I feel these ways and how to get over them?
Gotpinkspirit Gotpinkspirit
22-25
Jul 14, 2010