I Cannot Hope To Make Everyone Happy.

Am I a terrible person? I've been single for over a year, on purpose... I've stayed home and avoided social situations because I really just needed to get my head right and remember what it's like to just be me. A few months ago though, I was introduced to a woman... she's my age, we get each other, she's the only one who laughs at my terrible jokes, she's extremely intelligent, and for me to look upon her is to look upon the manifestation of my heart's imagination of what my ideal woman would look like. There's only 2 problems.

The first and biggest problem is that she's got a boyfriend. She has expressed that she feels for me what I feel for her, however she cannot end her current relationship. I won't go into details as to why, but sufficed to say that I understand and wouldn't have any right to ask her to. But my heart soars at the daring and romantic thought of swooping in and stealing her away... sadly life isn't simple, a man can't just do such a thing anymore. The consequences of such an act would be dire for her, and I could never do her harm, or see harm done to her.

The second problem comes in the form of my own confusion and inability to deal with making anyone unhappy. I have an uncontrollable need to appease everyone I come in contact with. The advantage of this is that I have a reputation for being diplomatic. The down side is that I often do so at my own expense, and it seems that this time I am torn. Someone has to be unhappy, and I don't know how to proceed.

Before I met this wonderful yet taken woman, I spent a weekend in my home town and caught up with an old friend. We dated for a short while about 10 years ago, but it never went anywhere, and as it stands right now, I'm content to be her friend. Back when we were catching up she mentioned that she would be in the area in a few months, and I offered to let her stay with me.

The difficulty now is that this girl is just a friend, and this other girl is taken, and they are both on my facebook. The taken one has seen that the friend is coming to visit and believes it's some sort of "booty call" or whatever. It's not the case, but now I fear that having her come to visit will surely end badly for my heart's desires. I feel bad cancelling, and how does one explain such a situation? The whole thing has left me very confused and worried. I cannot hope to make everyone happy, and it's killing me inside.

26-30, M
2 Responses Mar 29, 2010

I've been single for my whole life. I'm a guy with Aspergers and wondering if you have it too.

To answer your question, no you are not a terrible person. The woman you wanted is not available and you both know where you stand. There is someone else and its great she is coming to see you. But it seems like you are not 'emotionally available' to the other lady and she might get hurt - quite unintentionally. <br />
I should just go ahead and have a good time with the woman who is available; the other one is not available and she can't have it both ways, ie not have you and also not allow you anyone else. She isn't there for you.