My Life Is

I used to have a eating disorder. My parents found out and i swore i would never do it again. I stuck to the promise but im still scared of the amount of calories i take in each day, the amount of excerise i dont get because im not alowed to exercise at the gym anymore cause im not allowed to "diet" anymore. Just cause im scared to eat dosnt mean i still have bulimia or anorexia it means that i quit cold turkey and its extremly hard to change your thoughts on something. Do you know how hard it is for me to eat a vegitarian meal(forgot to mention im vegitarian/vegan) for me now. Not to even go in to detail how my family thinks im a burdan on them/ just a dissapointment to them. They told me to my face " mackenzie, you are a disspointment to this family" and im now emotionly unstable. I cry about my bad habbits that i had. I laugh at nothing. I become depressed so easily. And is it bad that the person i trust is my ex/best friend. I can trust him with anything, i love him. I cant walk into a room without being asked by my mom saying " what did you eat today?" then i say what i had( which to them isnt alot but to a person whos ****** up in the head about food it is alot) and then we get into a HUGE fight, just because they dont get what i have delt with about girls being mean and guys making fun of weight. I lost it all as i grew but then i got affraid when i gained 3 pounds. Soo thats how my bulimia started. But just because they dont get me dosnt mean every single day should be a battle. Im considering suicide at the momment, help me... No SAVE ME.
Savemyliferightnow Savemyliferightnow
13-15, F
2 Responses Jun 29, 2011

thank you for the comment, and no to both of those questions. I am not on medication or attending therepy. I feel like if i attend therepy everyone at my highschool would think im crazy. And i dont hink i need medication. Also, i think i might have that disorder. Just possibly, sounds about right. Again thank you

Everything is kinda going on the right track now, my boyfriend is helping through most of it even though it makes me feel like a burden. Because i dont wanna put all my problems on his shoulders but he wants to help. I still feel bad about it though. Anyways i try to avoid food but i cant really sneak it by mom. Its hard when your mind is so affraid of fat and gainin weight when you know that you need some food to substain a life. Its difficult bei g anorexic/bulimic you know? Nobody else really knows how you feel besides other people with this metal illness