Used To Hate It....

I guess the way I wrote my story sounded wrong... You see I am very much an empath, but because I was picking up on so many emotions I became very depressed.... I do not lack empathy for others, I feel empathy at the same time.... What I have become though is a mirror for other people... I dont attack people, never... I respond, the way I do is just based on my deep thinking and my past experiences... I had a lot of people take advantage of me. My dad, my sister, many friends, people I didnt even know... Many times it turned out I didnt have a good balance as far as taking care of me vs them..... So I started trying to get myself to firm up a bit on who I am.... Being an empath to me is not just feeling others and understanding where they are coming from, to me it is being the river carrying the drops of water to enlightenment... I am not actually the river, I am part of it as we all are, but when I see someone fearing the flow if their path crosses mine then I become an obstacle for them to have to work against or reconsider... I have had many friends tell me how I helped them progress spiritually, they all told me the same thing... At the time they hated it, but later they saw the logic... My first boyfriend, my second boyfriend, one of my closest friends from when I was 12, her sister as well, a good friend of mine I just lived with 2 years ago... They all kicked and screamed, but they were kicking and screaming because the way it seemed was very different from reality...... I cant tell you if I am right or not, I am just me and I know I have helped many people. My mind is a bit twisted, but many great people have appeared twisted to "normal" people, and those twisted people seem to have a connection to something. They are beautiful and at the same time you just have no idea if they are really connected to source or not... I dont really want to convince anyone of my greatness or anything, I just want it to be clear that I do not do this for fun. I dont enjoy seeing people who are stressed in any way. I can tell you that I dont think an empath is only someone who goes around listening to every ones problems and looking at the ground not knowing what to say or do. This used to be me, but one day I started this great experiment. I told myself that from all the emotionally sick people I saw there had to be a way to help them. This led me to the way I behaved, I noticed that much of others behavior is based on reaction, so I started the biggest experiment of all....... To see if I can find a way to be in sync with people to help them progress spiritually without having to utter a single word of advice to them.. People seem to have quite a defense mechanism, many dont feel they have an issue. I feel it is my obligation to find a way to change me if they are not willing to change themselves at the time.... Not that I am doing it secretly behind their backs in a manipulative way, it is more of the universe helping them... I feel I am a tool of the universe, sometimes I help them, other times I **** people off.... But years ago when I felt alone and defenseless to people taking advantage I decided that I would try to form myself in a way to where I could become a kind of guru. Yes this is what a guru does, but I dont want to be called a guru because I am not superior to anyone, and a guru is often placed above others... I dont believe in this kind of hierarchy... I just want people to respect me and those around me, no I dont demand respect and give none.... I am very respectful, but I also have noticed that once someone see's you are a pushover the path they traveled becomes frequented more and more, and I figured I wanted to move on in life. I do this for others, I have gone out of my way so many times for other people.... But I guess being labeled a poison.... that wont change their mind..... I have to admit that I wrote that while I was frustrated about the situation, today things have changed me and him clashed once more..... I believe now he will be able to understand how to be a little less intrusive into peoples business..... I view this like energy, chakras sometimes get clogged, I walk around checking people who appear to have clogged chakras. Each person is treated based on their situation. One man had a deficient heart chakra so I gave him love and showed him he is valuable... One man has a need to control others, I show him that no amount of force can control... Through the use of opposites one can attain balance.... Yeah maybe I should ask their permission to "manipulate" but at the same time, does someone ask a dog if it wants to get neutered? No the dog doesnt understand... I have no idea if what I do is what these people need, but I have had some great feedback and I can honestly say I have never ended up with a permanent enemy. But what I have ended up with is confused people, people who want to be my friend, and people who steer clear after seeing how the ropes work with me... But I always end up being 100% honest with what I think, I dont have to lie about who I am with the way I am, because when I meet someone I am VERY withdrawn and quiet.... I am an observer.... Later on I see how I will approach the situation and I start to interact, based on reactions I try to fine tune myself to see if I can help if this person has emotional issues I have identified. haha it sounds mechanical but to tell me it is wrong is to tell me that no person should experiment in life... This is all I do, I dont try to lower others self esteem, I just cut the fat and take them out of my space.. Many times in ways that makes them think about their behavior.... Long answer... Sorry. Like I said in the post, I love to analyze and think about psychology all day. To me no degree could teach people what I know about the subject.

I am myself FAR from "normal".......I also don't kick around the dirt not knowing what to say.....I know nothing of chakra, but I help people in a different way.....I know exactly how people feel and think.......I have been a trained observer my whole life so I watch people too.......I can also read minds.....I do not however use it against them and make things harder for them in order to help them.......If you've helped people as you say, good luck with it......Maybe you should revise your story so others can understand better what you're saying instead of going by what you have written......That's what I would do.....

Your story made tremendous sense Chantel!!!

how can you attack me when you dont know me? Most people enjoy my company I just focused on the negative aspect because this has been my greatest feat... How can you know what I feel... Or judge it based on my words, how do you know weather I explained it in a way where you would understand what I am implying? Call me what you want but I have a feeling someone who jumps to conclusions so quickly may not have an understanding themselves... But that is just the impression, I could be wrong....

So lets agree to disagree, I saw your posts and replies and it seems you are out to prove you are right, so for your sake... your right, we will end it before it begins. Isnt that an epic win for you now :))