Chilling

I feel like theres a huge hole in my heart.I can imagine the sound it makes when wind blows through it and feel the chill that grips my heart with icy fingers. All the important things i kept in my heart keep falling out of it,that huge hole, so now i dont have many left. And the things that ive lost make it grow bigger,now because i didnt take the time to stop and pick them all back up, ive forgotten just what i found so important. For some reason, i find it tragically hilarious. I really just want to laugh it off. Typical really. I should have expected this after all the **** thats happened to me. But at the same time, i disgust myself, where did all this self-pity come from? I dont deserve to complain. My life isnt that horrible. but at times, i just wish i felt alive.It would make living so much more enjoyable.I wouldnt feel so much like the walking dead. Going through the motions of life but never feeling them.
kittycat101303 kittycat101303
18-21, F
3 Responses Aug 9, 2010

You nailed the exact problem that I've been calling my 'emotional paralysis' for far, FAR too long. I'm ashamed to admit it's been just over 3 years. Everyone says," Get over it... move on!" But you can't just 'un-love' somebody... at least I can't. I'm sorry that you are suffering. If it is as much like what I have been going through as it sounds, I FEEL YOU. I hope you find your way out of this ****. Much love

'

Self-pity? I'm jealous.<br />
If I could experience that then at least I could cry.

I hear you. My life is nothing these days, but a schedule and necessary chores and sleep. I have no fun anymore.