The Long Engagement [edited]

I've been engaged to my fiance since October 16 (Sweetest Day... aw.) of 2005.  We aren't getting married until September 20, 2008.  I sometimes think that getting engaged with the intention of waiting so long before getting married (he wants me to finish college before we do) was a mistake.  Last year, he had an affair with an old fling.  We're finally getting over it now, but I'm terrified that the reason we haven't broken up is because we've been together for so long, and we've been engaged for so long.  It scares the living daylights out of me to think that I might be marrying the wrong person.


Several months later, just over a year after his affair, we are in a wonderful place.  For those of you who offered your support and advice, whether by the comments below or privately, thank you so much.  It has been a tough road, but in the long run, we have both grown individually and as a couple from it.  We got to the point over the summer where we took a break.  Mostly privately - our familes don't get along well and we didn't want to feed the flame - but the time apart, time to reflect and realize what truly caused what happened, how things have changed and how to keep things the way they are - much better than they were - it was a valuable time apart.  We communicate better, we listen better, our time together is more valuable, more enjoyable and more important to us than it ever was before, and for the first time in our almost-five years of dating, I feel like the level of give and take is finally equal.  We're getting married on September 13th and we literally cannot wait!  Just wanted to update on the progress.  :)
Chanteuse1984 Chanteuse1984
26-30, F
4 Responses Jun 6, 2007

I think if you have made it work this long, it's more about if you're willing to put in the effort to keep it going than if this is the "right" person. I've had so many people feel like the "right one" at one point or another that I really don't put that much stock in it. I'm really glad everything is working out for you!

I have to say.. I've been engaged twice now. The first time, I kept asking myself throughout the engagement "Is this right? Is he the one?" Finally I decided he wasn't and broke up with him before we started making serious plans. Now I'm engaged to a wonderful guy that I KNOW is the one.. it's so worth it if you find the right guy for you who you know will treat you well for your whole life.

I read somewhere that if there are any questions like "Is he really the one?" then that pretty much states that he isn't the one.

I just wanted to share something my boss said to me the other day. Since I have been recently engaged and he has been married happily for 15 years I asked him how he has endured such a long marriage given the many people I have met his age who have been divorced at least one time. He told me the reason his marriage has lasted so long most importantly is because both his wife and him are really commited to doing what they agreed to do in the wedding vows. No matter how bad things go just as you are commited to the family you got by birth you should be equally commited to the person you are married to. I dont know if this helps you at all but it made me realize instantly that I have chosen the right person. I plan on being engaged about 2 years simply for the reason that I want to enjoy the engagement phase and have lots of time to get the money and the plans in order for the wedding. Are those the reasons you guys are waiting so long?? I really hope this helps.