I Am The White Sheep In A Family Of Black SheepI am a 32 year old mother and wife. I currently live in a small town in Georgia. I moved here after a series of tragic events including homelessness, unwed parenting, and the death of my mother. I came to stay with my grandmother and a few of my cousins and uncles who also lived in her house. When I first got there I was so happy being around my family because I missed them so much. The last time I actually saw them was when I was 13 years old right before my mother fell out with them.
Well, when I got there everything was good. I felt a lot of love from my family. They were so happy to see me. But, before long my grandmother said that she needed help with her home owners insurance. I put my child in daycare and got a job at a local fast food restaurant. I worked my behind off and paid the rent that we had agreed on. No one else in the house paid for anything. The house hold was made of men except for me, my infant daughter, my aunt, and my grandmother. They did nothing to help with any of the expenses. Me and my aunt cooked and bought the food for the house. I talked to my grandmother about this and she told me,” This is my house and I do what I want”. It seems like fiction but, this is real life. A little while later I ended up moving out due to the fact that me and my baby’s things were being stolen. I could not go to my grandmother because she would play ignorant to the whole deal.
So, after years of going back and forth to and from my grandmother’s house, I finally got things right with myself. I was once again living at my grandmother’s house and this moment would be the final straw. I had already started renting a place across town. I was staying with her because no one would help take care of her. The men of the house were strung out on crack and drunk. I was still working and I had a side job that I worked at on the weekends catering. Well, the weekend in particular I had worked a double at the fast food restaurant and went in that night and helped cater a wedding. When I came home I knew I would be too tired to cook so, I brought back some of the catered food (pans of it). Well, the next morning I woke up and overheard my grandmother on the phone saying that I don’t do anything for her, I don’t even try to feed her and her family. This broke my heart. So, I waited till she got off the phone and asked her if she wanted me to go to the store and get her something to eat. She said “no!” I also reminded her it was something in the refrigerator to eat. She said she doesn’t want that. She just wanted me to leave. So I did!
I was blessed because I already had a place that I was keeping for me and my child. But, we didn’t have anything to eat the first couple of days. My friend would bring over plates and I would save them for my children. At that time I had two children, still too young to walk. I had to go to work hungry. So, after a while I met a man and married him. We went through hard times but we made it through. I still kept in contact with her and my family. I wasn’t going to throw a stone for a stone. I was beaten by different members of my family, talked about, and they even had a rumor going around that I had something to do with my mother’s death. My mama died of congestive heart failure. I went into a deep depression. I felt so bad. It took a year for me to come out of it.
After I finally came out of my depression, I enrolled in school to become a nurse. No one cared. I won awards and became a member of honor societies. No one cared! I started then getting the short end of the stick. So, I went on about my business. Until, one day my grandmother called me. She was sick and she needed my help. I went to help. She told me when I got there that she wanted me to move in with her to take care of her. I told her that I couldn’t do that because I had a family and was in school. I also told her that I would come to help her once in a while. But, I thought to myself what about these grown men that you always took up for and thought was your everything. I let that thought pass and I did what I said I was going to do. Well’ tensions started to grow again so I went on about my business. She was back and forth out of the hospital and it hurt my heart to see her like this.
Well’ the last t couple of days of her life I got word that she wasn’t doing that good. I visited her at the house. She couldn’t stand up on her on. So, I took her in my arms and helped her. I felt so bad. A few days after she went into the hospital. She had liver and kidney damage. Come to find out the people in her house wouldn’t even feed her or give her a glass of water. She couldn’t even speak. She opted to stay at a nursing home, which a few days after arriving she died in.
Well, No one called me the night she died. A stranger came to my house and told me about it. I went to the house to be with family, feeling that we could put the fighting away for a moment. But, I got the cold shoulder from everyone. They didn’t include me into anything dealing with the funeral. So, I had to come to the conclusion of what to do for me and my family’s wellbeing. So, I went to the wake. I saw her and in that cold casket and it broke my heart. No one consoled me. I was ignored once again. I decided not to go to the funeral. I paid my respect now it was time to get myself some respect for me. Besides, they didn’t even invite me to the cook out after. I’m tired but, at the same time I feel like this is the start of the new me. I have to get respect for myself.
annshanae69 31-35, F 6 Responses 0 Apr 22, 2012