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I Am The White Sheep In A Family Of Black Sheep

I am a 32 year old mother and wife. I currently live in a small town in Georgia. I moved here after a series of tragic events including homelessness, unwed parenting, and the death of my mother. I came to stay with my grandmother and a few of my cousins and uncles who also lived in her house. When I first got there I was so happy being around my family because I missed them so much. The last time I actually saw them was when I was 13 years old right before my mother fell out with them.
                Well, when I got there everything was good. I felt a lot of love from my family. They were so happy to see me. But, before long my grandmother said that she needed help with her home owners insurance. I put my child in daycare and got a job at a local fast food restaurant. I worked my behind off and paid the rent that we had agreed on. No one else in the house paid for anything. The house hold was made of men except for me, my infant daughter, my aunt, and my grandmother. They did nothing to help with any of the expenses. Me and my aunt cooked and bought the food for the house. I talked to my grandmother about this and she told me,” This is my house and I do what I want”. It seems like fiction but, this is real life. A little while later I ended up moving out due to the fact that me and my baby’s things were being stolen. I could not go to my grandmother because she would play ignorant to the whole deal.
                So, after years of going back and forth to and from my grandmother’s house, I finally got things right with myself. I was once again living at my grandmother’s house and this moment would be the final straw. I had already started renting a place across town. I was staying with her because no one would help take care of her. The men of the house were strung out on crack and drunk. I was still working and I had a side job that I worked at on the weekends catering. Well, the weekend in particular I had worked a double at the fast food restaurant and went in that night and helped cater a wedding. When I came home I knew I would be too tired to cook so, I brought back some of the catered food (pans of it). Well, the next morning I woke up and overheard my grandmother on the phone saying that I don’t do anything for her, I don’t even try to feed her and her family. This broke my heart. So, I waited till she got off the phone and asked her if she wanted me to go to the store and get her something to eat. She said “no!” I also reminded her it was something in the refrigerator to eat. She said she doesn’t want that. She just wanted me to leave. So I did!
                I was blessed because I already had a place that I was keeping for me and my child. But, we didn’t have anything to eat the first couple of days. My friend would bring over plates and I would save them for my children. At that time I had two children, still too young to walk. I had to go to work hungry. So, after a while I met a man and married him. We went through hard times but we made it through. I still kept in contact with her and my family. I wasn’t going to throw a stone for a stone. I was beaten by different members of my family, talked about, and they even had a rumor going around that I had something to do with my mother’s death. My mama died of congestive heart failure. I went into a deep depression. I felt so bad. It took a year for me to come out of it.
                After I finally came out of my depression, I enrolled in school to become a nurse. No one cared. I won awards and became a member of honor societies. No one cared! I started then getting the short end of the stick. So, I went on about my business. Until, one day my grandmother called me. She was sick and she needed my help. I went to help. She told me when I got there that she wanted me to move in with her to take care of her. I told her that I couldn’t do that because I had a family and was in school. I also told her that I would come to help her once in a while. But, I thought to myself what about these grown men that you always took up for and thought was your everything. I let that thought pass and I did what I said I was going to do. Well’ tensions started to grow again so I went on about my business. She was back and forth out of the hospital and it hurt my heart to see her like this.
                Well’ the last t couple of days of her life I got word that she wasn’t doing that good. I visited her at the house. She couldn’t stand up on her on. So, I took her in my arms and helped her. I felt so bad. A few days after she went into the hospital. She had liver and kidney damage. Come to find out the people in her house wouldn’t even feed her or give her a glass of water. She couldn’t even speak.  She opted to stay at a nursing home, which a few days after arriving she died in.
                Well, No one called me the night she died. A stranger came to my house and told me about it. I went to the house to be with family, feeling that we could put the fighting away for a moment. But, I got the cold shoulder from everyone. They didn’t include me into anything dealing with the funeral. So, I had to come to the conclusion of what to do for me and my family’s wellbeing. So, I went to the wake. I saw her and in that cold casket and it broke my heart.  No one consoled me. I was ignored once again. I decided not to go to the funeral. I paid my respect now it was time to get myself some respect for me. Besides, they didn’t even invite me to the cook out after. I’m tired but, at the same time I feel like this is the start of the new me. I have to get respect for myself. 
annshanae69 annshanae69 31-35, F 6 Responses Apr 22, 2012

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YOU ARE LOVED !<br />
<br />
You have two beautiful children and this quote I read says it all :<br />
<br />
" To the world you may be just one person, but to one person, you may be the world "

You are truly a very courageous and authentic woman with a very kind heart. You did nothing but the best you could and that was enough.<br />
<br />
I am sorry that your family treated you so unfairly and poorly, but you have made yourself a much better person than they ever were.<br />
<br />
Sometimes, our OWN family members can be TOXIC. I believe the best thing, is to stay as far away from them as possible !<br />
<br />
Raise your family to be the best possible people they can be and continue to respect yourself and DEMAND respect from every person you meet because YOU DESERVE IT !!!

Thanx, You are a truly awesome person. You have a way to make a person feel so good about themselves. It left a bad taste in my mouth the way they treated me but, thats one thing they can never do, and that is to take the love out of my heart. I just had to learn to love from a distance.

hi annshanae69.<br />
i just joined this group. i'm a 36-year-old wife and mother, and i have experienced many of the feelings that you've been dealing with. i don't quite have the courage to post my own missive yet, but you're certainly not alone. i live in california, but our experiences are quite a bit closer than our geography. my heart goes out to you.....and you should be proud. <br />
xo

Thank you hidinginthesun,
It's sad to say but these days it's like some of your family members will stab you in the heart quicker than a stranger. That's what makes it hurt so much more, because these are supose to be the one's that have your best interest no matter what. They are the ones that are supose to love you unconditionally. So, don't feel like your the only one ever. I once felt that way but, when I started writing it made things so much easier to swallow.

Dear Inbama,<br />
Thank you so much for reading my story. I felt a long time that right was crazy, and wrong was right. I can't say that it doesn't hurt for your own family to cast you out with the bathwater but, in the end it was worth it. I had to learn from these experiences,and I wanted to share it in a public forum to let people know that they are not alone. Thank you for making me feel that I am not alone.

To annshanae69,<br />
I believe your story. If it's not a true Story then you did a very good job of convincing me & you should be writing books.However, sad as it is,this is the kind of world we live in today.I don't know you but I can honestly say that because of the love that you have in your heart, you are far better off than any of the other people who lived with your Grandmother.God keeps a record of every persons deeds..good & bad,& on The Final Judgement Day..you will be rewarded for the love you have in your heart for your Grandmother..no matter how she treated you. No,I'm not a preacher..I don't even go to Church..but I'm a firm beliver in God. I hope the rest of your life brings many good things to you & your children....Don in Bama

This is a story that is very hard for me to share with everyone but, for my peace of mind I had to share it. It's part of my healing process. I think that everyone wants to be loved!