You Can Choose Your Family, There Are Others Around You To Help...

I don't want to write anything that will make anyone of here pity me, I don't want people to compare, feel sorry for me, or look at the screen and tut at my experiences and tell me they're so sorry this has all happened. Every bad experience in your life brings out oppurtunities for improvement, for better things, and this is what I have realised from losing my parents.

This is quite a long story, but the points and advice are promising so please if you have the time on.
Only a few weeks ago, I had everything a teenager could dream of. Well, what I thought was 'everything'. I was studying English at University, I was in my first year and really enjoying myself. it felt like I'd waited my entire life for this chance to finally arrive, I loved the subject since a child, and I was so happy to just be there, studying something i loved. Like any typical Uni student, I had friends, I went on a variety of dates and got ridiculously drunk. I was passing my modules with alright grades, and generally I was having "the time of my life."
Me and my Mum had never had a stable relationship, growing up as a child, Id witnessed some terrible things. My mother turned into a different person once her temper took over, she had left my dad bleeding many times, and threw many abusive words in his direction. She didnt care about public humilation, or what she said, after she'd calmed down, she liked to pretend these things didn't happen. Has a young child, my brother was my only protection whilst my dad was beaten left right and centre. He;d remove me from the room and hide me up stairs with teddies and loud music, I didn't understand what was actually happening at this point, the screams downstairs muffled over S club 7. My mum then moved on to my brother, and he too was attacked a variety of times, accept neither my dad or brother felt it was there place to report it. My dad was too ashamed, having been beaten by a woman, and my brother felt he'd be betraying my mother if he said anything. Eventually the abuse moved onto me.
I was waiting this day, almost dreading it, and after a family row, my mum whacked me several times in the legs in the garden. I felt so ashamed, pathetic. I was only 13. I was supposed to be going a friends leaving party with my Mum that day. My Mum went as planned and when she returned later that night, my dad refused to let her live in our house anymore. She moved out, convinced she'd done nothing wrong and me and my dad were ganging up on her after the family row. For a few months I was a mess, unable to attend school or even leave the house. Confused on whether I deserved the hit, or whether this was all my mothers fault i locked myself away from anyone, the only person in my life became my Dad.
Me and my Mothers relationship returned after a year, for a while the abuse stopped, but it soon returned, but this time I was thrown onto the streets shortly after. I was studying for my A levels exams, which were highly important for Uni, but I didn't even have my own proper bed, I went between friends/dads/nans house, and suffered panic attacks/insomina. I failed some of my exams due to this.
Thankfully, i still managed to get into Uni, although it was not one I originally wanted to go to, because my grades had been too affected to get into the one I wanted to study at. My life seemed to be improving, whislt preparing for Uni, I kept as far from home as possible, avoiding contact with my mum incase anything was to kick off in my last few weeks at home. I was working part time too, was in a stable relationship and had many friends. I kept myself as busy as possible, only speaking to my mum if she was around the house the same time as me.
When i went to Uni i quickly embraced independence, but returned home regularly to visit my old friends id left behind. Seeing as these were the people who'd answer my crying phone calls everytime my mum attacked me, or put me up for weeks on end, donating me money, clothes, furniture, it was very hard to leave them behind. But the fresh start made me think more clearly. My flat mates in my halls were amazing people, and for once I felt happy to come back to what was 'home' to me at Uni, knowing i wouldn't come home the chance of verbal abuse or physical violence. I started to see the real me, behind all the emotional damage and wasted oppurtunities my mum had taken from me. The last time I returned home for the holidays,i was very ill in hospital, I was in a lot of pain and frustrated about it, so my Mum used it as an excuse to kick off. The day before i returned to Uni, she threw at punch at me across my swollen chest, and threw me out the house again, cutting off any funding she was giving me for Uni.
My stepdad, who is possibly as worse as my mum, decided to join in when I entered the house to quickly grab my things, and decided to cut off the electricity in my room, forcing me to pack in the dark. They cut off the internet so i could no longer phone a taxi number, and threw my suitcase and stuff out onto the streets, dicussing openly how much they disliked me, and how much everyone else did.
Once the abuse had settled, they left me outside in the cold, with no coat to wait for my taxi, when the taxi arrived, my stepdad filmed me leaving, smiling and waving whilst I left.

Up until this point, Ive never been bulled in my life. But the way these two ganged up on me this night, has made my sympthasie for any bully victims. I have never watched two people get so much pleasure out of upsetting another human being. It was the most sick and twisted thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. And i was wish i was over exaggerating or joking, because this is my own mother I am talking about.

Naturally after this, I became a mess. I had no way to afford to stay at Uni, and was forced to drop out and live once more on my friends sofa like i had during my a levels. I felt like i had no direction, no help, and no one could understand how **** I was feeling.
Every morning, i wished i didnt have to wake up, because I couldn't face the world. I'd lost everything I'd worked for in the space of a week.
But eventually, things began to turn around, friends offered to help me return my stuff from Uni, and travelled over 300 miles through public transport to help me carry 6 bags by up to their houses. A friend wanted to move out of their home, and offered to take me in as a room mate if we split the rent. Friends from work gave me the confidence to return back to work and sorted me out shifts so i wouldn't have to face ringing up. Friends have even donated me furniture!. And I'm now applying to return to Uni or resit my exams to get into a better Uni.
There is hope out there, and there is better options.
By being estranged from my parents, I have learnt how to be independent. I'm currently sorting out my house and any benefits I can claim. I am very excited for the future, although it is uncertain right now. Everyday things become clearer and slowly more positive. From the treatment I recieved from my mum over the years, I have now taught myself had to behave correctly socially, which has gained me the supportive friends I now have surrounding me today. If i was anything like my mother, i doubt id have the wonderful people in my life I have. For this, i am extremely lucky.
If you have just been estranged from your parents, allow yourself to feel sad, but don't get trapped into that. Theres so much out there, the future is bright, and brilliant and theres so many good people out there.
If you were as unlucky as I was to be related to such a foul human being, then think of it in a positive way more than a negative way.
Although my mum is a horrible woman, and is surrounding herself with similar horrible women, through her negative impact on my life, I have found some amazing people, and amazing oppurtunities for myself.
I may have had it all, or be having the time of my life, but one way or another, I WILL GET THAT BACK!

mcgreevy1993 mcgreevy1993
May 8, 2012