Either Way Hurts

All I hear is how much I'm hurting my mother. Yet no one thinks that I'm hurting also.

I admit, I gave up. I have several auto immune problems, yet to mom, I'm making all of this up. Yup, I'm taking all these drugs for fun. I wish I didn't have to. Yet my drug and alcohol addicted sibling who hasn't gone to college or worked a day in his 35 years and lives with her, paying no bills, is perfect.

I gave up the year my birthday was ignored then my doctoral graduation was not worth the hour drive to attend, yet the next day, she was fine driving my drunk sibling 8 hours to pick up an on again girlfriend.

If I'm not worth her time, I have to cut my losses and not hurt myself further and cut her out of my life.

If I'm the problem, so are my older sister, younger brother, younger sister and father. Since they've cut her out also.

But according to her, I'm just mean and heartless.
Flickie Flickie
31-35
3 Responses May 15, 2012

I know how hard this is for YOU. Walking away from a very hurtful family member is just as painful as being walked away from. I have been on both sides of the fence. I walked away from my dad for over 5 years because he was a raging alcoholic..when he sobered up, we became close with a tremendous amount of work, of course. It has been 1.5 years and my older brother has walked out of my life because we had a disagreement about something his 8 year old son lied about, Of course there is much more to the story but now I know how it feels to be exiled from a family member (especially since my mother went with him). Both sides are extremely painful. I have found that there is s need to grieve in either situation. For me, I am hurting a lot longer and deeper from my brother's estrangement then what I did to my dad so many years ago. There are resources out there but not much on grieving the loss of the living..I have even written an article on it if you are interested...blog.loveislost.com
Good luck and keep your head up!

Sometimes you have to just allow that break time to discover yourself and let others discover the situation that is left once you are no longer there.... gives them different areas to put their concentration on.

OMG, my family ignored my doctural graduation too. <br />
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Get away from your family immediately, they will always cause you pain. Find a trusted support network and adopt them as your family. please read my experience, just to let you know that you are not the only one suffering out there. It is not your fault and you are not to blame for any of this.