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Estranged From Son

 It is hard to describe the pain of being estranged from a family member, especially at Christmas.  I divorced my abusive husband when my son was 16.  I had waited too late.  My son was abusive to me as well, and when he hit me hard across the head with a pillow out of anger, I finally had to let him go live with his father.  I paid child support until he was 21, and half his college for 4 years.  To make a long story short, when I quit paying for his college, he quit talking to me.  Didn't invite me to his wedding.  Has totally shut me out of his life.  Every Christmas is a struggle as I wonder if I had just kept my son if things would have been different.  But every time I ask the question, I know the answer is no.  And I hate myself for it.

Lookingup50 Lookingup50 46-50, F 2 Responses Dec 20, 2009

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Hi, I too know what it is like not to see your son for years. I left my son's father and my son when my son was seven years old. My ex was abusive to me (not to my son) and my son treated me very mean also because he saw the way his dad treated me. I paid child support for nine years until my son finally got to come live with me two years ago. For nine years I tried to visit and contact my son by phone but my son's

dad had custody and made it difficult that the few times I did see my son I had to hire an attorney and the court made my ex let me see my son. My son and I are still adjusting to one another because his dad said very mean things about me when my son was growing up. My son now will not talk to his dad and his dad is going through the loss that I went thru for many years. I feel for his dad because I know what it is like to go thru that pain but everybody reaps what they sow. I at return my son's dad's phone call to let him know how my son is doing. If you read the bible or are around anyone who reads the bible you will see that kids are acting just like it says in the later days. You are definitely not alone and the tables will turn.

Hi dear friend.Dont blame yourself for your son's action.If your son loves you unconditionally he will not do all the damage he did to you.I did so much for my 3 children even challenged my ex husband to give up his half share of the house to the children.They shared S$1.7 million amongst themselves.They abandoned me too.Start your life by deciding how to live your life your way and love yourself.