For Curiousity Sakes

I just found this website and I'm glad because there is no one close to me that I can ask an unbiased opinion of what I should do that would understand the issue. I am very close to my mother, she was a single mother my whole life basically. My father, I have never met. He went to jail when I was three for a violent crime and wasn't released until I was 16. Needless to say my mother was not okay with me seeing him until I was older and mature enough to make the decision. I am now 25 and I still haven't been able to bring myself to meet him. We have corresponded over a few emails a few years ago but he is mentally unstable and would not stay on his medication so I told him we couldn't communicate. The thought of him never really plagued me like it does for some reason. This past year he just keeps popping up in my head and I don't know how to get rid of it. Part of me thinks I should meet him, that I have too much built up resentment and just plain morbid curiousity about him to just let it go. But I also know it might not be safe and he isn't going to welcome me with open arms. I don't know what to do.
britd1562 britd1562
1 Response May 19, 2012

If I were in your situation, I would write down the pros and cons of meeting with him in addition to not meeting with him. Which had more pros? cons? I would also write down the feelings that would be associated with each pro/con (multiple feelings can happen at once). Some may be anger, regret, relief just to name a few, but the list will go on and on. If you choose to meet with him make sure you protect yourself. I would meet him in a public place, maybe meet for lunch so you know it will be surrounded by people. First and foremost your safety comes first. Maybe you can speak with him on the phone to get an idea of his tone, etc... Just a few thoughts.

In my experience, writing down the pros and cons with my feelings really helped me decide whether or not to meet with my father at the time. Not only did it prepare me for whatever happened but it made things much more certain and clear. Writing these down could also just help you sort through whatever you are thinking regarding him.

Whatever you decide it will be right for you. Unfortunately the thought of him may never go away because he is your biological father and you will always have questions. I believe that is just human nature. It will be hard and at times probably stressful but you will figure it out. Be confident in yourself!!