What Did I Do Wrong.

In 1981 i met a girl i fell in love with. i didn't want a relationship as the last partner had sex with a workmate behind me on a works outing on the bus.

can't stop feelings and i adored this girl we where always together exept when at work , and the only other time was when her mum took her around to a family friends,who she claimed she didn't like to much. Anyway after while her mum said i could stop over at weekends which i did. One day (a saturday) she turned up at my grans house knees bleeding ,crying ,turns out her mum had thrown her out because she was pregnant.

I did the only thing i could which i still think was the right thing yet to this day am suffering for. I rented a flat and we got engaged , maybe not the correct order i know but i stood by my partner.

Four weeks after moving in her mum burst into flat, dragged her around by her hair and told her she was going home . my partner was screaming she wanted to stay with me , i pulled them apart and pushed the mum out of the flat. for which i was arrested and charged with assault . her mum told police i had thumped her (i didn't) her mum told me next day not to try contact girlfriend or try see baby as baby not mine was family friends. I was devastated we where so close. Within about a week i was told my ex was in a relationship with family friend. saw them walking down street hand in hand it realy hurt.

Got told he was there at birth of little girl and at christening etc , in about 1996 someone told me childs name but explained not mine.

Four years ago my 24 yr old daughter got in touch !. she is a heavy drinker/drug user and her grandma the evil old cow that took delight in telling me i was not the father has told me its my fault because i wasn't there when she was younger. She also told my daughter she lied to police to get me locked up back then and that she told me was not the father.

When baby born they used to push pram past my work on way to other blokes house. grandma told me if tried to contact after baby born might have been allowed to see. told not mine . other at birth .

There so much more to this and i still hurt and can't work out what i did wrong.

martyn1963 martyn1963
46-50, M
1 Response Feb 13, 2010

You did nothing wrong. Some people seem to delight in hurting others - any others - because it seems the only way to make themselves feel better. It sounds as if their family is VERY disfunctional, and your child has been raised in this. She needs your help freeing herself from this, but it must be distinguished from enabling - she does not need money to blow on drugs. She needs to detox and find a good counselor, as well as maintain her own flat for a while. With the counselor's help, you can build a relationship with her. She should further avoid the old scene in which she did drugs with "friends" - a nice man can be found elsewhere - like church! This all very difficult to accomplish - much of the time, it doesn't change. I feel that reaching a loving, helping hand is never wrong, however - good luck to you. Blessed be.