At Last

I was so unsure, nervous and uncomfortable in our relationship at the start... To the point of almost considering ending it, purely because i couldn't be bothered. I was exhausted. And i had, and still do, have other things going on in my life using up my worry energy. 

My parents being away could be the best thing that ever happened for us!

After i had come back from my holiday in New Zealand, we had an awful talk about 'what we're doing' and how i was feeling so unsure... My parents were in New Zealand for a further week, so i had the house all to myself. 
Reluctantly, I invited him around to mine to hang out. He ended up coming around a fair bit, and sure enough, the bond and dynamics of the relationship shifted.

It was so much easier to be myself, feel comfortable and understand and get to know him more. We really and truly got to know eachother, without the inhibitions we had or masks we wore when we met for awkward dates.

A month has past and we're now practically inseperable. Every few days he goes home because he has to get clean clothes, ha! We've gotten to know eachother so well, and in so little time. I am always hard to get to know and naturally suspicious untrusting of people. I sometimes shut people out or hide my true self because i'm scared. Scared because I know that I truly do have an intense character that if beared completely could/would lead people to believe i'm crazy /weird. So him knowing me like this is a huge thing for me. I don't even think he realises that! I feel so close to him. Comfortable. Happy. Smitten. Content. Excited. And totally hooked.

It's so strange, i was so scared and seriously doubtful of a nice and healthy relationship. Now, i feel as if i could say i love him...almost.
I don't know what love is, i haven't experienced it with a boyfriend before. I think that i've thought i have. This time feels much more promising. And i'm sure i'll know it when i feel it.

How amazing in every sense is it to feel truly and completely 'loved' by someone? Not a fake, pretend or play-like love. Not 'just because' love. Not stagnant love. The sort of love that only makes you excited for what's to come. To let yourself be vulnerable enough to have someone get to know you. To know that that special someone has seen you in both awful and pleasing lights, yet still thinks you're incredible and beautiful in every way possible... And then to feel that same way about them? Surely nothing can beat such an epic and meaningful expression that we are so blessed to experience.

jasminjane jasminjane
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 10, 2009

I am very happy for you jasminfire; and I hope you are right and this turns out to be "the one" you can say you truly love. I hope that he feels as strongly and as passionately for you as your writing makes it seem you feel for him.<br />
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Best of luck to you!