Mentally Stressed

The other day while I was sitting at the computer, I was half awake and half asleep at the same time and I began to dream. It was weird too because my eyes were still open. I heard voices and realized what was happening. I shook my head and then I was fully awake again. I realized it was time for me to log off and go to sleep.

Its a drag too, I had spent another exhausting day and this was my time to relax and wind down. I was just too tired to do so. My life is hard right now and I really don't have anyone to complain about it to. Not in my real life anyhow. I've done plenty here at EP. I'm expected to accomplish it all with ease and no frustration, tiredness or sadness. The expectations are too high and when I say so I just get a lecture about how I still haven't done enough. So I spend my life either completely exhausted or naughty because I'm not taking care of all my responsibilities.

This isn't the first time I've fallen asleep sitting upright. Actually it happens to me a lot. I'll fall asleep for a couple hours, wake and realize I'm still sitting at the computer, then continue my project. Sometimes I'll spend like 20 minutes trying to fight off sleep. If all I did was sleep and be responsibile, well then I'd have to kill myself. That wouldn't be enough. I NEED ME TIME. Even if its only 20 minutes per day.

One time I fell asleep standing in line at the grocery store. I was amazed too since I wasn't leaning on a cart. No I was just standing waiting in line and it was the first moment that day I had a chance to relax. So I suppose my body seized the opportunity. I don't tell people this too often because then they think I have narcolepsy and think I may fall asleep driving. Nope. I never have and never will. I almost did once. I was driving on this long dark road. Endless, no turns, just a straight boring road for like 2 hours. I felt myself beginning to get sleepy. I was doing anything to stay awake, then I was lucky, I came upon a convenience store. No not 711, it was a country road, so it was a local place. I drove in, parked, walked in and looked around. I chatted with the clerk, drank some cold beverage and poof, no longer tired. So I came close, though no cigar.

If I'm mentally engaged, I can stay awake for days and not get tired. Its the mental exhaustion that's killing me the most. Physically I could probably take it, hey I've worked at some tough jobs in my day, though when mentally I'm tired, bored, exhausted... watch out, that's when it becomes too much for me to go on. Its amazing how my mind works like that. Mental stimulation is the most important element to my life and without it, I just can't function properly.
4vrUnique 4vrUnique
3 Responses Aug 8, 2010

Thanks for this.

Thank you HH, {{{ HUGS }}}

i hope things get better for are in my thoughts.... hugs, HH