Ever Since New Years....

First let me start by stating: I'm one of those people who could spend his entire life living in his own head. I enjoy dreams, and fantasies, thinking about things that will never ever happen. Things that are so amazing and beautiful, there's no place for them in this world. I retreat to this special "land", and my day goes by...time just continues on... And then all of a sudden, reality hit.

I'm 31, working 2 dead end jobs, still living with my parents. I fell in love with a girl who was so completely not in love with me. My life made me feel like a monumental Cosmic *******. I talked to a psychic against my better judgement who slapped the taste out of my mouth, and I'll thank her every day for it. Delusions can be wonderful things until you begin to believe them. She set me straight. Set me on a path. And all of a sudden I began thinking...I can do something about all of this. I can put my fantasies aside, and live in the actual real, tangible world. I have the power to do this. Ya know what? I'm GOING TO DO THIS!

And from that attitude came motivation. I wish I had known how to tap into it before. Maybe it took so many days and so many nights of not doing anything except thinking of nonsense to actually decide I needed a change. Maybe that's how change comes about. A person gets so fed up with their environment that it becomes a necessity. It's either change, or go insane. All of a sudden I began feeling confident. Things started making sense. Decided to go back to school and study Business Management. Don't really know how I'll be able to pay for it, already in debt due to previous loans. But ya know what? I don't really care. I'll find a way. And if I can't find one, I'll make one.

I feel like I have a new lease on life. I only regret I didn't act sooner... I felt trapped within my own mind. Developing feelings for people who either never knew, or wouldn't reciprocate. My perspectives were skewed. Wasn't thinking clearly. And one day, you wake up and there's a stark clarity present. I feel as though there are things for me to do, places for me to go. Things to learn, things to accomplish. There's a whole REAL world out there, with real consequences, real love, real life, real feelings... And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have the ability to become a part of it.

That's change.
TheDarkTower TheDarkTower
31-35, M
26 Responses Feb 9, 2012

Inspiring! I still feel trapped at certain times. Perhaps I am yet to encounter my wake up call. But I am starting to make some serious realizations that might one day get me somewhere. :)

Thanks for this!

Congrats man this is great to hear! I'm glad that you have had a fire lit under you and now have the drive and desire to get out there and make your life happen. I personally don't think that all your time spent in your head or your fantasy world is a waste of time. I think you should keep motivated and pay attention to how you feel when you are doing things. when you find that moment that you feel alive an inspired then you know that you are meant to be doing that. Now you have to find a way to apply that skill or passion. I also feel that if you can find a way to share all your experiences in your fantasy world you might find a calling. The world seems to be running low on creativity, they are even taking funding away from it in schools. The world doesn't need more drones to just sit in cubicles we need people who can Inspire us and lead us to new developments and thoughts. It's creative people like yourself that can provide that for us. Think of how you feel after reading a good book, watching a movie, Looking at art or hearing a song that just connects to your soul. It lights a fire under you and adds another color to your world and gets your mind thinking in a new light. Good luck on your pursuits and I have a feeling everything will come together for you as long as you keep true to yourself and keep plugging away.

I am a Psychic Medium and it's so nice to read these stories. I also have a chat room on Paltalk called Spiritual Medium Psychic Readings and chat.. its a warm friendly free chat room with alot of great inspirational people as members.

Attitude is EVERYTHING! Kudos.

Ok. I congratulate you on your life-changing resolution. Now for some food for thought. I am someone who had a similar thought process as you did. But with the exception that the person I fell in love with fell in love with me. She always encouraged me to write about my fantasies. After she passed away suddenly, I began to write them down. <br />
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My point to you is that you cannot turn your back on who you really are. Change for the better, but also embrace your past. Write, draw, scribble, do what you must. It's persons like you that make the world more interesting. From people like us come the plots for movies, novels, video games. Why suppress that world that can be better than this one. It's time to let it out and share it. Find your medium and get started. With the stroke of a brush, or the scribble of a pen, you have the ability to bring your world into this one and hopefully this one would be all the better for it.<br />
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Whatever you choose, I hope that you find happiness by doing it.

Thanks man, that's a really positive message. Maybe I should write more.

wow! u just inspired me. thnx 4 the motivation!

A mind like yours, needs to write. I suggest short stories, for your own pleasure

Same.such a soul.

I suggest you write short stories, for your own pleasure.


Then it sounds like she didn't get a job in the field that she went to school for?

Many achievements come late but it does not mean that you have become worthy of it now. It is only now the realisation has come. Intelligence always existed. There was no motivation earlier which has now come with an excuse. one can achieve any thing and it is never too late for anything.

Hello <br />
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Thanks ,, Now i am not alone <br />
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as reo speedwagon said in a song,keep pushin'.best of luck

There's a saying I've heard from time to time. Essentially it's this: until you decide on something, make up your mind in a certain direction, nothing much will happen. <br />
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When you decided to consult the psychic, that decision was in no way against your better judgement. You knew you wanted help, outside help, and it worked for you.<br />
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You've decided to move on. That's great. Even better, if you're able, to go easy on yourself: avoid thinking that you've wasted your time in the past. The past, whatever it was, got you to the present, to the point where you knew you had to take a new direction.<br />
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I know this because I've been there many times. I'm there now. I know indecision. And I know how hard I can be on myself. Whatever you do that brings more self-awareness is valuable.<br />
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I wish you the very best.

Very wise and kind words, thank you!

Great post. I totally understand as I am much like you. I think moving out of your parents and becoming more independent will help as well. It will help in your dating endeavors and the women in your life will help your job situation. They go hand in hand actually. Educational debt is okay. Consumer credit card debt is bad.

It will, thank you for your reply. Wish I had done something sooner but better late than never, right?

Definitely it is never to late. Anguishing over past mistakes also doesn't help. Focus on the present, and future goals.
“Success equals goals; all else is commentary."
At 42 I look at my past and clearly see, If I don't take action nothing happens. Except for getting older.
Godspeed TheDarkTower!

this is very inspiring and motivational........you have set the stage for me to follow with you on my own journey. Thanks for sharing!!!

That's awesome! Thank you! And good luck on your personal journey!

I learnt 'where there's a way, there's a will'. It might make sense to some others out there.

...and it sounds like you, dark tower, are about to graduate.

You gotta hear this speech: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=81G3FceKbPY.<br />
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If the link doesn't work, go to YouTube and enter "Shanley Speech at Commencement".<br />
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It's a graduation speech like no other. And whether we're in school or not, as life moves forward, we'll have countless opportunities to graduate.

Fantastic speech

Hopefully your results are what you want them to be. It sounds like you have grabbed hold of the idea that we make our own destiny. Forget the naysayers and do your thing.

Enjoy the ride! I hope to meet you along the way! God Bless.

Great, because with no pain, no gain. Good Luck

Wow, That was great! I'm not sure if we are similar or not. But I am the ultimate procrastinator... I get lost in my thoughts and dreams and ideas that will never get me anywhere or bring me happiness.<br />
I do know that discipline has its own reward. Doing as opposed to always planning to do has it's reward that dreaming or planning never can. Get that education, push forward just for the sake of pushing forward... expect a tremendous outcome and don't be surprised if the outcome you you get is better than you could ever IMAGINED. Real Life, Real experiences, real work, real love is always better than fantasy!

Oh I hear that. Me and Procrastination go wayyyy back lol. I'm learning that everything you feel comes from the heart but exists solely in the mind. I have to mentally and physically will myself to do things and then just do them. It's getting a little easier each day, but damn... Some people are natural doers, some people really need to put thought into it. Never realized how difficult it was until i decided to start doing lol.

Can you explain what you meant when you said, "everything you feel comes from the heart but exists solely in the mind?" Perhaps it's just me but T don't get it and being the Proficient Professional Procrastinator that I am, requires that I understand what you're saying so I can become a doer! Thanks! :)

The heart represents your emotions which are automatic and natural influenced by your behavior style, your family of origin, your genes, this where your feelings come from. Pain, Sadnes, jealousy, guilt, anger we can't think our way out of these things.
Procrastination may cause you guilt, anger, hopelessness, etc. Your mind will work overtime trying to figure all these feelings out. Our minds dispise disorder or out of balance.
You however can't think yourself out of procrastination or any other behavior that causes negative feelings, guilt, anger, rage etc. The only thing that can replace those negative feelings is different action. Like talking to who angered you, Doing: tackiling a item on your to do list that makes you feel good. Now you have a good feeling that cancels out the guilt or sadness etc.
Heart=&gt;Action=&gt;Heart good feelings happy, success etc
Heart=&gt;Thinking=&gt;Bad feelings Guilt, sadness, anger etc.

Hope this helps

Good for you - great attitude! No regrets - you had to follow the journey that you did to end up where you are now.

wow i feel like this almost everyday its comforting to hear im not the only one,after reading this i gained hope and now i know there is light at the end of my dark tunnel thank u for sharing :)

There's definitely light at the end of a dark tunnel. A person simply needs to get fed up with their circumstances and decide they want more out of life, or they don't want to feel stuck in a rut, or that your quality of life won't improve until your mindset becomes positive. Thank you for reading!

You certainly picked the right name. You sir, are definitely a POSITIVE BEING!! Thanks for your words of encouragement!