Ever Since New Years....First let me start by stating: I'm one of those people who could spend his entire life living in his own head. I enjoy dreams, and fantasies, thinking about things that will never ever happen. Things that are so amazing and beautiful, there's no place for them in this world. I retreat to this special "land", and my day goes by...time just continues on... And then all of a sudden, reality hit.
I'm 31, working 2 dead end jobs, still living with my parents. I fell in love with a girl who was so completely not in love with me. My life made me feel like a monumental Cosmic *******. I talked to a psychic against my better judgement who slapped the taste out of my mouth, and I'll thank her every day for it. Delusions can be wonderful things until you begin to believe them. She set me straight. Set me on a path. And all of a sudden I began thinking...I can do something about all of this. I can put my fantasies aside, and live in the actual real, tangible world. I have the power to do this. Ya know what? I'm GOING TO DO THIS!
And from that attitude came motivation. I wish I had known how to tap into it before. Maybe it took so many days and so many nights of not doing anything except thinking of nonsense to actually decide I needed a change. Maybe that's how change comes about. A person gets so fed up with their environment that it becomes a necessity. It's either change, or go insane. All of a sudden I began feeling confident. Things started making sense. Decided to go back to school and study Business Management. Don't really know how I'll be able to pay for it, already in debt due to previous loans. But ya know what? I don't really care. I'll find a way. And if I can't find one, I'll make one.
I feel like I have a new lease on life. I only regret I didn't act sooner... I felt trapped within my own mind. Developing feelings for people who either never knew, or wouldn't reciprocate. My perspectives were skewed. Wasn't thinking clearly. And one day, you wake up and there's a stark clarity present. I feel as though there are things for me to do, places for me to go. Things to learn, things to accomplish. There's a whole REAL world out there, with real consequences, real love, real life, real feelings... And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have the ability to become a part of it.
TheDarkTower 31-35, M 28 Responses 19 Feb 9, 2012