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Sick Of Feeling

hi, im 38 years old an probably made every mistake there is 2 make in life, its not that im stupid im just well a bit easily led i suppose an due 2 that wen i go dwn i dont do it by half ...i nose crash an burn or so my dad tells me. i had a strict up bringing an wether that led me 2 rebel i dont kno maybe a part of it, i cant remember laughing alot as a child an wen i look at old photos i look miserable, i remember being frightened of my mum not because she abused me or anything like that but she was so strict i always feared living my life because of what she would say, usually something negative or hurtfull i can always remember not feeling good enough. i used to look at friends with thier parents an wonder why our family wasnt like that. i was always told tell the truth an be honest an today i still am! this is why i get angry all the time i look at people who arnt honest as cowards an it makes me cross, i dont feel like thers many if any genuine people out ther anymore an wondered if thers anyone else in the world who feels the same? my late husband used to say he didnt like people very much he loved old people an the stories they wud tell an animals an i used 2 laugh at this in my early twentys an think he was crackers! he died nearly 8yrs ago an the older im getting it seems the more he was right.
pollyannah pollyannah 36-40, F Mar 7, 2012

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