To What End?........I knew when I got 'married' I would always be faithful, ........mind, body, soul. At least that is what I thought.
We did not have 'relations' before marriage, and I was happy to be 'doing the right thing'......... right? What surprised me is that I began comparing my previous life, unsure of what was right and wrong, and the new life I began ........the one of knowing God. Yes, sounds strange, doesn't it? Well, yes, my friends,........ people who live their lives do not always have the same standards for 'being a good person', or the opposite.
I had to rethink my position. How is this new life under greater 'rules' going to change me........ or NOT?
Imperfect I still am , and always will be, but at last now KNOWING what is expected from me is the only difference.
What is true is that there is a huge spectrum between those extremes.
Our marriage was not what I had expected. This man was extreme in his Victorian ways, and never cared to find out about tenderness, being in the moment, nor did he even attempt with me to go to counseling. That was hurtful, but it opened my eyes to my future.
After much ( voluntary ) counseling, I found a tremendous amount of information about me and my Therapist gave me great books to read for me to know how to live the rest of my life, and what to look for the next time in a partner.
I recommend a good therapist for anyone , married/divorced/never been married/ single, etc.. One thing though to look for is: Find one you can open up to completely. Unless you can be 100% open and honest, it will not be helpful to you.
At first, finding out about my childhood was very painful. He described to me that without thinking about the past, the future will be bleak.
He was very honest, and it has proven to be true in my life. I am much happier knowing how relationships begin and function and are sustained.
Life is all about relating to one another. Relationships of any kind have many facets we don't really think about.
I am proud to say my mind and heart never strayed. I did a brave thing. The very first moment I knew I that he did not want the dynamics in our marriage to change...... plus the fact the internet became his "lover", instead........... (and yes, I was very clean , tender and asked to attend modeling school)......... I told him FIRST we could never survive in a 'relationship" like the one we were living in.
As I look back now...... my very first red flag should have been that he refused to get his "deviated septum" fixed. This had to be done, so he could breathe easily through his nasal passages. This is very helpful, essential in any relationship, for what I find very exciting........... KISSING!
You would think they were all good prerequisites for a great marriage. I was tender and true, honest and this had no effect on his desire to be "intimate" with me. Instead of wandering outside of our relationship, I gave it the good try, but he rejected looking at his childhood and how to make "us" work. ( Once a month with his eyes closed, no foreplay..... yuck).
What could it be?
Later , when our son was getting ready to get his drivers license, I panicked! I began wondering what my 'empty' relationship would disintegrate into. So, being very faithful in marriage was not the answer for US, but had much to do with what was running around inside his past childhood memories and how HE was thinking.
I am very glad I was a faithful partner, while many men attempted to persuade me to do otherwise........... wow....... just crazy.
I'll never regret being faithful. However , finding another person for me, he must truly want to be inside my head and heart as well. It's a two way street.
I will agree that being faithful is something you will not regret. At least I did not complicate our already messy relationship.
I encourage everyone to remain faithful, and marry no one who is not committed to just YOU.
mozartldy 51-55, F 1 Response 0 Sep 20, 2011