Why Are So Many People Not Faithful?

Why is there such a high divorce rate? Why do so many people cash it in at the first sign of crisis? Why do they believe that marriage is easy. A marriage is a job, a job that lasts 24/7 365 days a year and is meant to last a lifetime. Marriages fail for number of reasons but so many nowadays fail because people expect them to be perfect. I have always held marriage very high, my parents have been married for 39 years and still stronger than ever. They are my inspiration, they make me hold it as the most beautiful thing that you can ever attain. Their marriage hasn't been perfect. In fact when I was in my twenties my father had an affair. Mom discovered it and broke down and told me. She confided in me, her oldest son of three in what our father had done. I immediately drove to his work and waited outside for him to get off work. I picked him up and confronted him. My anger was great but my disappointment in him was greater. There was a lot of resentment a awhile but I love my father even greater now. He and mom went to counseling. It didn't happen over night but my father says it was my mom that was the rock. She stood steady in wanting their marriage to work. What a crisis, maybe the largest most hurtful crisis a marriage can go through. When one party decides to find sex outside the sanctity of their marriage they are selfishly thinking of themselves and their own needs. Infidelity can murder another person. But rarely, maybe very rarely there is the rock in a marriage that can carry the weaker spouse during their trial. That is ultimately why we marry. To make life easier, to cope together instead of being alone, to be there when the one falters and carry them. Crisis is what defines the strength of a marriage, crisis is what ultimately proves the love that we say exists in our marriages everyday. I have learned that simply saying "I love you" is not enough, it carries nearly no weight if it cannot be backed up with proof. If one spouse refuses to carry the other during their first crisis then the marriage never existed in the beginning. It's all about stepping up to the plate. I am faithful, I will always remain faithful. Experience has hardened this belief in me. My first "marriage" ended due to my spouse being unfaithful, she had an online affair that became real. I tried to salvage it, I dragged her to counseling. She went but only physically went through the motions. She made no effort, she was happy letting it all go and moving on after one year of marriage. I have moved on and am currently married to the woman of my dreams. We have met a few crisis' through the years including a terrible accident that nearly left her unable to walk only 6 months into it. We persevered, I carried her. For the past 3 years she has been carrying me. I have unwittingly, no I can't say that because she has expressed to me her unhappiness many times over the years yet it feel on deaf ears. We have been living a nearly sexless life, though it wasn't always like that. I was diagnosed with testicular failure with a testosterone level of 18 instead of the normal 350. I was depressed and frustrated that the treatments were not working. I stopped going to the doctor for nearly a year. Meanwhile my sex drive and libido were a big fat O. My wife still carried me, selflessly and nearly quietly dealing with the lack of intimacy all on her own. Sure she would occasionally get angry about it and I would try, but I wouldn't initiate it because I wasn't missing it. Fast forward to now. I have received an injection that has brought me back to life, but now my wife is spent, exhausted from carrying me so far and for so long. She says she doesn't know what she wants. I feel like I showed up to a party that was just ending. I am having a difficult time remaining optimistic. All I want is the same thing she has wanted for the past 3 years. Its a cruel twist but now she doesn't want sex with me and i'm horny as hell and want sex from her. Guess I am receiving my penenace for what I did to her though it was unconsciously committed. I still love my wife, I still want our marriage to last. I still want to grow old with her.
lostandscared lostandscared
36-40, M
7 Responses Nov 17, 2007

Lost and Scared, thanks for your story. You are one of the minority on this chat board who appear committed to a life of honesty with their partners, their children as well as other third parties. We indeed are all of our brothers' keepers.<br />
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Why do people, like your first wife, cheat? In short, this world is a schoolhouse, and unfortunately most of the students are either still in pre-school or kindergarten. There are very few high school seniors who are ready to graduate and go onto college. Your first wife, unfortunately, was a pre-schooler. Sometimes respecting others includes respecting yourself, so when she cheated, giving her the boot was the right thing to do. We all deserve love, respect and honesty, and should demand nothing less.<br />
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Concerning your current situation, your wife needs to understand that you had a medical problem. You stood by her when she had medical issues (which you should be commended for!), so frankly she needs to stand by you and be understanding. This series of events presents your wife and you with a nice set of life lessons that you both need to work through together, which hopefully you will do.<br />
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You just need to let your wife know again and again that she is the most important woman in your life and you'll spend the rest of your life making her happy to prove it.

just look at the world and what is on tv and the news we have become a throw away would

A married couple should try an ANR/ABF relationship. It chemically works between Mothers and babies, men always stare at our boobs anyway, and they are there for more than just staring. <br />
Lactation is great when you're older and your children are gone! It is bonding between two and it promotes fidelity, too...<br />
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Now what could be better than that? Most men love boobs and women's bodies are designed to produce milk due to suckling ( by their partner or a baby) . This phenomenon is not known by many people , but women can lactate until the day they die. You won't find many women though who want to do this, and it's a wonderfully relaxing time spent together......... much better than drinking or smoking to RELAX.<br />
Hey you marrieds out there............ give it a try. It really works. Both must be brave enough and have the time commitment though. Men wonder why women don[t enjoy sex, but they also don't understand this is the erogenous zone for a female, as well :)

I love my husband and I have never looked outside of our marriage for sex, even though we will go months without. It is hard and toys are no substitute, but I know that he isn't doing it to hurt me and I know I can never get the real closeness and bond in an affair that I am dying to have with him. I hope your wife comes around on this; although I do understand her frustration.

Right there with you Noteven1nce.

I can't agree more with cheryl34. Your story is an inspirational one and I wish you the best of luck.

It's sad when marriage fails, i myself have lived through a failed marriage...but my situtation was very diffrent to your own. so i believe you still have a chance at seeing your love story being lived..you must try courting your wife again...leave love notes write her poetry, give her flowers take her on romantic dinners but the most important part you must remember is make it solely about her not about the sex, no matter how much you want it....you have to light the spark again give her reason to see the man she knew before all your problems begain....let her see and feel the love you have for her and that your relationship go's beyond sex, good luck i'm wishing you both all the happiness you both deserve.