In the beginning it was so easy, you get to know what they look for and hide it as best you possibly can. As time drags on the smile seems a little less brighter, the cheer a little less real. You try to keep up with life but you don't ever really want to. You get up in the morning because it is what the mask demands of you, you have no desire or say in the matter. You do your work because otherwise the questions are too many and to hard to answer. As time goes on, all that is underneath the mask seems to shatter and dissolve into pieces without you even understanding that that is what is really happening. You've tried! God knows you've spent almost 3 years of your life trying to be what is asked of you, but you're tired, your arm is heavy and the mask is slowly slipping revealing to you, before anyone else the destruction that will soon be seen by all. It's terrifying but a relief at the same time. Now all will see what you went through to keep the mask in place and that you did a job well done.
If this one were 'normal' you'd have a reason, you'd still want to live, but it isn't, you don't and you don't want to. What you do want to do is stop holding up the mask, you want to let it finally fall to the floor and finally be able to fall to pieces. You'll finally be able to fall to pieces, but just do so as quietly and as neatly as you can. You've hurt enough already even with the mask in place, who knows if they'll be able to hold it together when you're all gone. The real you has become the mask, you are this facade, when you've tried to explain you're met with incomprehension and blame. It's nobodies fault, not even yours, there are no reasons it just is. And what is, what was is now is almost gone, finally, thank goodness, now you can fall to pieces.
I'm finally ready to fall to pieces in the eyes of the world. I need to so i can get help, i will be judged, i will be talked about but it has to happen.