Im Failing To Keep Strong.

Its so hard to keep strong,my heart is broken.One day im booming,next im in floods of tears.Why i but my self through this for a man that beat and abuse me so much.I see him the other day,looking al good and healthy,Still in the rehab for drink and gambling.Then theres me falling apart and depressed.why am i like that when.i know e beat me so bad that i cant believe im alive.i did think iD be happy when all this over,.im surprises i miss him.i hurts so bad.I want to strong.i pray every day for strenght......WLL  EVER GET OVER THIS AWFUL FEELING...THANK YOU.

whiteangle whiteangle
36-40, F
12 Responses Apr 29, 2010

Find you a better man

Whatever attracted you to him in the first place might be what you are still holding on to, the father of your beautiful children? his smile, the way he looks at you when he's being "himself"?

It's pretty normal, you ask yourself why, and he asks himself why not? Getting answers from him probably is not going to happen, the person you should be asking is yourself, that's where the answers lie.

Focus on yourself, then in time you will be able to build a loving relationship with yourself and find all the good things you love so dearly about you. Your kids will absolutley adore this, mom fulfilled. trust you, they see it.
Quit focusing on him, be better than that, become stronger, take back your power, it's there and it's okay to show it. oh and drink tea and get sleep and for ****'s sake plant a flower and a tree for your daughter.
Deep breaths, lots of love.

every day it heals a little more time heals the scars stay emotional and physical. sorry you have to go through this, i was with a abusive woman for 6 months and left, it started small but got a lot worse,

i feel your pain enormously as i have been 8in the same situation for 14 years. It tears you apart and makes you feel lonely and worthless. Why we put up with it is because they make you feel like everybody is that way and you think they will change or wake up to themselves but unfortunately, that is rarely the case. i wish i had the strength to do something about it, maybe one day. Good luck and please take care.

Thank you for the warm words,everyday is a new day,but i must say he always hit me without any drink on him,worse again,gambling was his down fall.thanks for the add,welcome friend.

It really ****** me off when I hear things like this. Why are there so many jerks (mostly men) in this world.<br />
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I am really sorry that you went through this, I am a man and please believe me when I say that not all men are like this. People like this really get under my skin and make me wish I could give him a lesson or two. ;-)<br />
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Of course that is because of the nature/personality in me that always wants to stand up for those who are wronged.<br />
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I understand that he was under the influence but if he had any character he would know what he is like when he is under the influence and would do anything he could to prevent it, for you.<br />
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I hope that you can find someone that is not a jerk that will help you heal these wounds. Happiness is within reach, don't stop reaching.<br />
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My best to you.

been there done that thats a reason I on this site you always get support hang iin there look at it as learning curve dont go back and travel the same road you really know whats right and wrong deep breaths plan ahead for you own self love your own self in all ways do what you want treat people the way you want to be treated if you dont get it in return walk forward with out them toward the next milestone easy than done when you feel down walk run jog get that blood pumping treat yourself <br />
look forward not behind

he has a demon inside don't, you will on to enjoy the pleasures life has to offer....time does heal....*hugs*

My heart goes out to you i had a problem with drink,and i stopped two years ago.I had to lead the way for my son has a duel addiction of gambling and drinking and it cost him his marriage.He has stopped both now but he cannot mend the hurt he caused to his ex wife and child.Please be strong and look after yourself and donot enable your man to hurt you.

you can .. and you should.. life is yours.. love yourself.. <br />
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you will get over it with time i hope.Nobody reserves to be treated like that.I hope u can find someone that treats u the way u want to be treated and that will make u happy

Well, maybe it is time that someone tells you, that your are important, too!!<br />
I could imagine that you are reacting based on fear. Deep down you may think that if you stand up for yourself and setting some boundaries with other people that you will loose the people in your life and that you feel worse than now. <br />
What would be interesting is, if you really think that it would be possible to feel worse?<br />
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If you want to start focusing on yourself instead of other people a very good book would be "The Dance of Intimacy". There are also some very good books about Co-Dependency and how to break the cycle of toxic relationships. <br />
It is a difficult and painful way to discover that you have no control over other people and that you need to set some boundaries to get respect from other people. Don't give your power away. <br />
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There will be no one coming to your rescue - it is your choice if you suffer or do something about your life. Please, get some help....a counselor will have the time to listen to your story and help you sort you out your feelings. <br />
You are probably hesitating because of this feeling of shame and the believe that something must be wrong with you. <br />
There is nothing wrong with you! You just got on the wrong path and need to turn around immediately!.<br />
good luck.<br />