Falling Apart And Alone

I am 45 and in the past 3 years have developed numerous health issues.  On the surface most would not suspect.  I am a very busy active professional who appears healthy.  I am overweight but have lost a lot of weight over the past 5 years and am only slightly overweight now.  I am still working on it.  

Over the past two years I've herniated a disc in my neck and needed emergency surgery as my spinal cord was being severely compressed.  I fell a couple of weeks after surgery and it affected another disc and I not infrequently have severe pain in my shoulder/arm/shoulder blade.  I have had a couple of epidurals, accupuncture, and extensive physical therapy.  I've been told to not lift anything heavy.  I live alone, I can't avoid it.  

I have asthma which has got more severe in the past couple of years.  I have developed allergies this year and often can't breathe at night even when my asthma isn't flaring.I'm more often on steroids than not.  I am now super sensitive to scents and often avoid going out as I don't know when someone's perfume or scented product will trigger an asthma attack.  I love going out but now I retreat to my home to avoid scented products.  I wear a mask at work.

All of the steroids has triggered prediabetes and I'm very close to diabetes.  I'm approaching this aggressively with medication in addition to weight loss and exercise.  However my continued need for steroids is making me worse.  

I developed problems with my knee and have discovered I have severe inflammatory arthritis which runs in my family.  My knee has already lost a lot of it's cartilage.  I had an injection today to help cushion my knee.  I can anticipate more joint involvement in the near future according to both my rheumatologist and orthopedic surgeon.  I am allergic to ibuprofen and other nonsteroidals.  I'm not supposed to walk up and down stairs.  I loved exercising and I'm now not allowed to run, discouraged from walking my usual 5 to 6 miles at a time.  

I am alone.  I am frequently in pain or exhausted after making it through a day's work to take care of my home.  I have a beautiful home that over the past couple of years has become very messy and in disarray.  I have no help and often am not able to pick up after myself.  My fire alarm is beeping and I need to lug a ladder to change the battery and I can barely walk today.  I'm not supposed to lug the ladder because of my neck.  

I am alone and in despair.  Today I think I have got to my limit.  I can barely walk.  How am I going to care for myself and how am I going to keep working in my demanding job.  I'm crying tonight thinking of this.  
almond66 almond66
2 Responses Nov 8, 2011

I. Am here to listen and help in any way I can. Be alone sucks

thanks. I was having an exceptionally bad day. It is harder being alone on those days.

Yes it is.....been there done that.

Can you afford to hire a handyman or some help to come in and ease the burden? I feel for you..wish that I was close enough to give you a helping hand...Keep the faith!

I can, but at 7 at night it's hard to track down someone. If my home wasn't in such disarray I would have asked a neighbor for help. I just have to dig myself out of this hole the past couple of years has got me in. Thank you for your kind words.