I am so upset right now. My dad's leaving me again and I am not even there to see him off. I am just now letting myself cry. I have to deal with this friend who over exaggerates stuff! I though she was going to commit suicide! Nope! Just sad over not being able to see people she meet online. Which I get! I am sad about it too. But she has me. And even though I've moved back, away from my dad for all these other people, I feel even more alone. I actually miss Washington. I would go back to the traumatizing third periods with that girl who molested me or back to the neighbor hood with that *** hole who liked to get one top of me and kiss me or have fights with people in front of me. I would go back to that for nights with people hugging me as I cried. And even though most of it was me spent left alone when I was at my supposed friends house... It was better than not being able to go to someone. I want so bad to be able to open up. I just can't anymore, every time I do I feel I loose a bit if myself. When I vent or try to talk I feel even more alone because that person doesn't understand or they don't help. I know I am luckier than most! I know I am loved! I have friends! But I am so alone! I am so lost! I don't know what to do! Why can't everything be nice! Why can't my dad live with me?! Why can't my brother stop picking fights or running away?! Or telling me he hates me?! Or will never speak with me again?! Why can't people see I am a wreak?! I am not some toy! Why can't the person I love most date me?! Why can't I be in the right classes in school?! Why can't people stop ignoring me?! Don't they see it hurts? Why do I have to keep dealing with this ****.
My other brother told me that I would go through some bad **** before I knew where I wanted to be in life... I've been molested, sexually assaulted, I've had to move cross country and when I came back I feel like everyone forgot me, they moved on, I am not needed, I've been accused of **** I don't do, I love more than I am loved, I've been almost beaten by one of my brothers, I've been kicked out of a home, I've had to spend a birthday moving away to avoid being hit and alone this year, while all my friends ask me to throw their parties when they didn't even throw me a going away or coming home one. Just everything... And he doesn't know this ****. So is this my rough patch? Or is someone going to die again? Is it going to be someone so dear I fall of the edge? I car take half this ****.
But what does it matter who would listen to me.
LoverOfAllSouls LoverOfAllSouls
18-21, F
Aug 22, 2014