To Wish Its Long Denied Existence Back In To My Life...

I was doing so good, distancing myself from her...
I made a mistake today though. I finally know what it means to breath someone in. The sun was shining warming her (I hate the sun), we were working on an across campus errand, she was in front of me, walking, I could smell her - the lotion she uses, her hair, her clothes. What the hell is wrong with me? I let it take me, it hurt so bad. It was all I could do not to love her, not to wish for her right then. Her scent, pure as the rain, pure as the searing sun.... damned I am. If anyone knows a way out of this, please, tell me. Suicide is not an option right now, I cannot fire her (that is a stupid solution anyway, since clearly I am the problem), nor can I distance her anymore than I already have. Suffering, what did I do to offend fate or god? Is this suffering deserved? If it is, I will serve my sentence.... if it is not, then could the furry's answer me why they have chosen me for their wrath?
Her scent was like heaven.... breathing her in, forgetting myself.... not being for a moment.
menschfeind menschfeind
26-30
Jul 29, 2010