Post

Not In Love With My Husband But In Love With Another?

Hello, I am 30 years old and have been married since I was 16 yup 14 years married. We have three beautiful children.  Long story short 11 months ago my husband went away for work (500 miles away) and came home on weekends.. This worked for the first 5-6 months but it was getting old caring for a farm, house, and kids without him (having a part time husband)... I started to feel lonely and the calls and texts from him to me became less and less.  I had run into a gentleman in which sparks flew in which I now believe was due to very vulnerable stage.  I began talking and channeling my emotional energy into this man. Well eventually, mu husband found out and quit his job (only 3 months after I begged him to come home) after I pleaded to him I could not stand being a part time wife. After I though he had an affair, after I felt abandoned emotionally and physically by my husband!

Fast forward to now and I had filed for divorce asked my husband to leave the house (after he moved back home) and have been in about a 5 month relationship with the new man... I still have very strong feelings for my husband but I know I am absolutely in love with the new man...

I feel paralyzed with the decision I have made, but when my husband comes around I truly don't see him in the same light I used too.. I fear that I am the one who has chosen to break my family, in which the kids are devastated about the D word... (divorce).. Logically I believe I should try and work things out with my husband but emotionally I am afraid of feeling the pain I went through when he chose not to come back home the feeling of absolute rejection.. Even though NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOw he is back in town I feel its too late.... I am terrified of truly making the wrong decision.. I believe I am infatuated with the new man who truly adores me but I am torn between logic and emotion... I could work things out with my husband because in his eyes I am the cheater and he has forgiven me which I have owned up to.. But women don't cheat for a piece of a$$... LOL Its with our hearts! Mine was neglected... For many months... I am seeing a therapist because both my husband and new man want me want to offer the world and stars and moon.. But honestly I am exhausted and cannot decide what I want.. I know what my head wants and what my heart wants...

Am I wrong to chase my hearts desires?
Or should I patch things up with hubby (which are issues of deep emotional neglect)?

Thanks for any advice.... =)
solorzanotn solorzanotn 26-30 4 Responses Nov 24, 2010

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The new man is not a good one because he does not have integrity and is willing to see your family break up. I pray that you and your husband will patch up and allow time to heal your wounds. Afterall, you already have these many kids together. <br />
What you have with this new man is nothing compared to what you and your husband have. Remember those days when you break the news about your pregnancy, how you both gaze into the eyes of your newborns. <br />
Don't allow the devil to deceive you with this adulterer.

2emoman shame on you, what a ****** thing to say. The man knew damn good and well that a woman needs attention. When you neglect her what the hell do you expect?<br />
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Honey perhaps you should give your husband a chance. I think the man your infatuated with it probably won't last. See if you can rekindle things with your hubby and don't listen to the ******* above me.

Go back to your husband. This new guy is probably just using you for sex and will eventually dump you. Your husband really loves you as shown by his willingness to quit his job as well as forgive you. Believe me he will alway hurt from the betrayl and the visions of you in bed with another man ( I know from experience) Your husband was working out of town to provide you and the family addl income. He does not deserve to lose his family because he worked hard. You have made him feel inadaquate and unwanted. Selfish you.