Is Ten Years Lost?

I am 27 years old and have been married since I was 19.  my husband was my first really serious relationship, he was my first and olny for everything.  But now as I look back, I wonder was it ever love?  We don't have sex simply bwecause I can't stand to be around him or even talk to him.  We never change anything up, ANYTHING.  We have never gone out on a date.  His version of a date when we where dating was driving to the field behind his grandparents house.  He has never gone out to have fun, he is like a freakin hermit.  I don't have any of my friends left from school because he was always to good to do anything with my school friends because he was older.  Well excuse me I was the same age as my firends.  The only good memories I have that include him are the two days our two beautiful children were born.  I'm even frowning in our wedding picture.  He pushed me over in so many ways and I let him.  I wanted the perfect american family, lord knows I never had anything close to that before him, and apparently I am not supposed to have it.  He has told me "No one will want you if you leave me" "If you leave you won't get your kids"  I am stupid to stick around after those comments?  I am lost and confused and I am not sure I am sticking around for the kids or because I think things can change.

Nina81 Nina81
26-30
3 Responses Feb 9, 2009

I have three older sisters all of which have kids and have escaped bad relationships. The oldest has three children, the middle two, the next down has four. They are all single mothers and have found ways to cope and manage. I'm sure if they can do it you can do it too! Keep track of the things that he says that are negative and hurtful, or even especially if they are threatening. Write the time and the day.. and should you decide to get a divorce lawyer, or go for child support.. then have that little log with you. That's what one of my sisters did. Be strong and believe in yourself and do what makes YOU happy. If that means staying together and getting counseling or heading away on your own it's up to you to decide.

It's my story, too. I'm 28 and my husband is 37. I'm pregnant again after he started popping holes in condoms just for funzies.<br />
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That'll be 4 kids for us, and I have no idea how I'll ever extract myself from this mess. Not now. <br />
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I've honestly been contemplating downing some pills and shrugging off this life. I painted myself into a ******* corner and I just don't see how it will ever get better at this point.

I agree. Pursue your happiness, because you are still so young and dont want to live the rest of your life in regrets. Theres so much more out there but you'll never find it if you dont try to.