I am a fan of Supernatural. No, I'm more obsessed. Except, the thing is, I don't even watch the show anymore - it got too depressing for me (the way the characters started changing and their broken relationships and omg).

What I do, do, though, is read suicide attempt fanfics where the suicidee is somehow found and saved in the nick of time and everything gets fixed and perfect (which I already know is extremely unhealthy because it's basically reinforcing to suicidal-little-me that suicide is the answer and will save me) and obsessing over the two main characters (Sam and Dean winchester). I even have this extremely irrational hope (though it's not really a hope, it's like an extreme desire, wish, idk it's weird) that the two of them will come take me away and save me from myself. I have this dumb wish that I'm somehow meant for bigger things than any 16-year-old who's had anxiety and depression her whole life could even imagine. That somehow I'm special and have supernatural abilities that I'm going to do great things with.

There have legit been times where I wanted to kill myself because of this.

Don't tell me it's unhealthy because I know. I just don't care anymore. As the title says, I love the characters far too much to let go.

myanonymity myanonymity
18-21, F
Aug 21, 2014